It’s a kickass getup. She’s mostly teal and frost blue in color, with slashes of white almost tiger-like stripes on her scales. And whatever material her suit is made of, or whatever paint she used, the scales she’s wearing are kind of metallic so she’s showing color shifts. The effect? Cool as shit. Flexible spines sprout out from between gaps in her clothing running down her back. They clack a little when she moves. She’s got delicate twisting horns, two of them, sprouting above long, elegant ears, and what appears to be dreads or… leather strips? In place of human hair.
I look her over closer, wondering where she’s hiding her hair. All I can see are the leather strip-things, looking like they attach right to her latex-scale covered skull, which makes me curious if she went full throttle and shaved her head for this costume. That’d be nuts, but you won’t hear me complaining. She looks as legit an alien as anything I’ve ever seen, and far better than I can probably afford to pay her for.
Whoever she is.
“Got a name?” I try again. But really, I don’t care what her name is. She’s mine now.
“I am the jewel of the Bone Grinder’s cave, sibling to Rotk Kotok Zadeon, and Arokh, a Prime class gladiator, as well as—”
“Okaaay…” I interrupt, holding up an impatient hand. “Got a nickname?”
Her mouth turns down a little. “Inara.”
“Ooh, pretty,” Stacy breathes.
This Inara flashes her a smile that, for some reason, hits me square in the gut. “Thank you.” Her lips are spread so wide she’s showing her teeth. They’re good: they look real, but they’re pointed, like—well, like alien teeth. They sure don’t look human. Nothing on her does, and I cannot believe how good life just got. Inara’s smile softens. “And you are?”
“Stacy,” Stacy answers, beaming brightly at her. “And your new boss is Matt Shawnessy.”
“No-longer-crabby Matt Shawnessy?” Inara teases, sending me a glance before flashing a conspiratorial grin in Stacy’s direction.
I give the new girl a look. “I’m right here. You really want to push it your first day?”
“Yeah, wait til after payday,” Stacy confides in a mock whisper.
Inara laughs, and I almost trip. It’s… it’s a good sound.
I shake off my growing interest, and indicate the hallway with my arm. “Let’s go. We’ve got a room to get ready. You’re up.”
CHAPTER 2
She follows me into the escape room… not reluctantly, but there’s a hesitant air surrounding her.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“Well…” Something flails behind her, catching my eye. I lean around her a little, looking down around the vicinity of her ankles to see that she has a robotic tail.
Like I said. She is cool as shit.
“What is this place?” she asks. “What is it that you want me to do?”
My eyes narrow. “You showed up dressed as an alien for an escape room but you don’t know what an escape room is?” That would make no sense.
“I spied a billboard—I believe that is what you call the advertisement in the sky?”
Riiight. She’s really digging into her role. “Yep.”
“I saw the sky’s billboard and came to investigate what Earthens were calling an ‘alien escape room.’” She looks around with interest. “This is it? No other aliens are here?”
Eyeing her, I answer, “Just you. And yes, this is an escape room. Groups of friends or coworkers pay to be ‘locked’ into the room, and they have to act as a team to solve a series of puzzles in order to get set free in the time they’re allotted. Since the theme for this room is an alien space station, you're the Games Master. Think of yourself as their guide—you’re going to give them the safety rules, tell them what they need to know to play, give them hints when they ask, but also, your job is to do exactly what you’re dressed for: look really damn alien, and give them the sense that they’re doing something cooler than paying to shut the door on themselves in a downtown office building pretending to be a super bright enigmatologist’s wet dream.”
“What is a wet dream?”
I stare at her.
She frowns uncertainly and tries another tack. “What’s an enigmatologist?”
“A puzzle solver. Some of these games get pretty complicated,” I share. “Visitors want to be challenged, but they also want to win. We try to walk that line so they feel they’re getting their money’s worth while still succeeding.” I point to what looks like a scary exam table, but is really the effects station. “Your job is to stick close to this spot and activate the lights,” I show her the switch, “the sounds,” I hit the alarms, tell her when she should set them off for effect, “and if customers get near that creature’s cage over there?” I show her the prop cage that looks like it holds something fuzzy with lots and lots of teeth and too many legs. “That’s when you hit this button. It’ll activate a hidden door to a bonus room. Not everybody will find it, but if they do it’s a buzz. They go nuts.” I give her a smile. “And when they see you suited up like this? You look like a legit alien lifeform. They’re going to have a great night. Welcome to the team, woman.”
Inara glances away maybe a little shyly. Her tapered ears fold against the sides of her head with enough force to nudge her strands of hair. “Thank you. I’m… flattered that you approve of my appearance.”
Fucking love it. “Could not be more impressed,” I tell her honestly. “Frankly, I’d have snapped you up in a heartbeat whether I needed you tonight or not. Your costume is that convincing. You had to know that when you walked in.”
Oddly, her smile widens to a grin, and she repeats one word with emphasis. “Heart beat. Just one. Ha.”
It’s a strange thing to say, but I don’t question it.
Why would I?
CHAPTER 3
I shit you not, the booked group oohs and ahhs like they’re kids at a zoo, not grown men at a themed getaway. They are eating Inara’s appearance up—they even break the game to ask to take pictures with her, and Inara, like she’s a seasoned star, grins sexy for the camera, and lets them fill up their damn phones with shots and selfies.
And… I don’t blame them.
A lot of escape rooms nix phones and photos, but I don’t have that policy. Right now, I’m super glad I don’t. Just wait til social media sees us with our brand new alien. She’s rocking her look. She’s also charming as hell.
So charming, I’m raring to capitalize on it. There’s a nerd convention that goes on about twenty minutes from downtown. Every year, we set up a booth. We get decent traffic from it.
This year? I’m so plunking down Inara, my new favorite employee. Without a doubt, I know she will single handedly rake them in.
As I’m thinking this, she poses for a new round of photos, and for this shot, she brings her tail up to curl around the guy’s shoulder.
He flips out, loving it.
But I’m staring at her tail, suddenly questioning what kind of FX-electronics are this sophisticated.