I laughed at her honesty. “No. I’d say that makes two of us.”
More silence. “So, what now? Should we tell each other ghost stories? Maybe play light as a feather, stiff as a board?”
“You mean my dad and brother’s ten-minute hello wasn’t scary enough for you for one day?”
Reagan snorted in response to my joke. “You’re right. I might have nightmares about that.”
“So, are you saying that my brother doesn’t normally act that way?” I was half-joking, half-curious what he was like when he wasn’t around my parents.
“I don’t think that’s my question to answer.” Reagan’s tone was much more serious than expected, and I could tell there was a shift in the mood in the room.
“Sorry.” Although, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was apologizing for. “So, six years is a long time. What is it about my brother that has kept you around all of this time?” I knew I was using Reagan to try to learn more about my own brother, but after our moment outside, I had a strange feeling there was something I was missing.
Reagan went quiet before speaking again, as if contemplating her response. “Your brother is a really great guy, Charlie. I know you guys haven’t always been super close, but he truly is fantastic, and I hope you never doubt that. Your brother has been my rock since we first met. He’s sweet and funny and so perfect that it’s almost infuriating.” Reagan sat up to look at me as she continued to talk. “He’s also…” She paused for a moment when our eyes met, and I saw her take a deep breath. “So gorgeous.” Her face immediately turned red as if she suddenly remembered who she was talking to and felt awkward about divulging all of that to her boyfriend’s sister. She cleared her throat and looked away from me. “Gorgeous in a manly way, of course. Sorry. I got a little carried away there.”
“Don’t even worry about it,” I answered as nonchalantly as possible, although my heart was still beating erratically from the way she said so gorgeous while looking right at me. For a split second, I allowed myself to be swept away in the daydream of how it would feel if Reagan was talking about me, instead of my brother. By the way her eyes bore into me, I could almost make myself believe it, and it felt good. Too good. Why was I reacting this way? I barely even knew her. Right. I barely knew her. This initial attraction had to wear off once I learned more about her and watched her and Jamie interact. It was obvious from the way she talked about him that she was deeply in love. Watching them together had to dampen this weird infatuation. At least, that’s what I was telling myself so I could sleep tonight instead of harping on the girl lying by the foot of my bed.
“I actually am tired,” Reagan announced into the silent room. “Goodnight, Charlie. See you tomorrow.” Tomorrow. A new start. I took one last deep breath, before shutting my eyes.
***
“How do you feel about a Miller Men golf outing?” my dad asked Jamie, as we left church the next day.
Before my brother could even respond, my mom cut in. “That’s a wonderful idea! If you guys golf at the country club, us girls can spend the day at the pool. What do you say, ladies?”
“That sounds really nice, Mrs. Miller,” Reagan answered quickly. “I’m excited for the chance to get to know my future mother and sister-in-law better.”
And I’m excited for the possibility of no longer feeling sick to my stomach when Reagan refers to me as her sister.
After changing and trying to coax Nana into coming along (which she vehemently rejected), the five of us piled into the car to head to the country club. My mother and father became immersed in some conversation about a restaurant that was rumored to be coming to town, and when I turned to talk to Reagan and Jamie, I noticed that they were leaning close together and whispering back and forth. Their faces were serious, but it didn’t appear as though they were arguing. Finally, Jamie sat back and patted Reagan on the knee, before reaching out to take her hand. She smiled sweetly at him one more time, before turning to stare out the window. They really were cute together. It was obvious how much they cared about each other, and Jamie seemed much more relaxed when Reagan was around.
I realized I wasn’t the only one thinking about this when I noticed my mother’s eyes sparkling as she watched them through the rearview mirror. “So, Reagan,” she said. “You and Jamie graduated the same year, right? That makes you twenty-six?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll be twenty-seven in a few months.”
My mother let out a low whistle in response. “Closing in on the end of your prime childbearing years. I take it Jamie told you I’m ready for grandbabies?” She followed up her question with a lighthearted laugh, as though that was going to make it any less awkward.
“Oh, we haven’t discussed that too much,” Reagan answered hesitantly.
Jamie cleared his throat a few times and squeezed Reagan’s hand so tight that even I noticed it from where I was sitting. “Yeah, it’s just not quite on our radar yet.”
“Of course not,” my mother added quickly. “First, we need to plan a wedding, then find you guys a place back here, then we can focus on getting me some grandbabies. I would rather you wait to have kids until you can raise them around here anyway. I trust our schools and teachers more than anything around the city. No offense, sweetie. I’m sure your school is nice, but it’s very special that we have a school where most of the teachers also went to school here. There’s a decent number of teachers who graduated around the same time as you two. Jason Peters, Sally Jenkins, Monica Falcon, who else? Oh, Grace Harper was teaching kindergarten, but she moved recently. I believe she was close in age to you as well.”
Of course, I knew all of those names. None of them were in my class, but in a small town like ours you knew pretty much anyone who was in high school at the same time as you. The name Grace Harper was especially familiar. I had heard through the small town gossip grapevine that Grace was also gay and had apparently moved away to move in with her girlfriend. I wasn’t sure how much of this was actually true, but I was still curious to see how my mom would react to this piece of information. “Did you say Grace Harper? I heard she moved away to be with her girlfriend.”
“Are you sure about that? It seems strange that she would give up a teaching position in her hometown just to move in with a friend.”
Of course my mom heard girlfriend and automatically assumed they were just friends. Ignorance is bliss. I took a deep breath and questioned whether I really wanted to elaborate. Did I really want to hear what my mom had to say about this? Yes, actually. I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with. “I don’t mean girlfriend as in friend. I mean like her partner. The person she is dating.”
“Hmm…” my mom hummed, as if she was contemplating my words. “Are you saying that she is gay?” I couldn’t help but notice how she said the word gay a little softer, almost as if it were a swear word.
Both Reagan and Jamie were staring at me intently at this point, but I couldn’t decipher what they were thinking. “I can’t confirm whether it’s true. But if it is, then yes. That means she’s gay.”
My mother hummed softly again, before responding. “Now, I don’t judge. People can live their lives however they choose. But I have trouble believing that’s true. Carol and Jim Harper are good people. They go to church every week. I always see them spending time with their granddaughter. I really don’t think they would have a gay child.” I almost wanted to laugh at her words. If she only knew the irony of what she was saying.