“Jozef, stop it!” she shouted as he reached for her new leather jacket, yanking it down her arms, trapping them at her side.
He shoved her backwards and she fell across the bed, unable to catch herself with her hands. He stood over her, his spread legs on either side of hers. He pointed down at her, using his commanding presence to intimidate her when he couldn’t use words. It worked. He looked utterly terrifying. His big body was tense, coiled and ready to spring. His expression was fiercely determined. The tattoos on his fingers and neck seemed suddenly much more sinister.
She was sharply reminded that she barely knew this man and could not reliably predict his moods. She wiggled her arms out of the jacket and pushed herself up until she was sitting.
Jozef’s expression said it all; her place in the Koba household was either going to be next to Jozef or under him. It was her choice. She stared back at him defiantly, refusing to drop her gaze. She wanted him to know that pushing her around and bullying her was unacceptable.
“No more, Jozef. I mean it.”
He growled angrily. You don’t get to decide when you’ve had enough, I do. I will soon be your husband; my word is law. My actions are law.
Shaun hated everything about Jozef’s lifestyle. Hated his tendency toward autocracy and his ability to shrug off the brutality of his chosen profession. Despair washed over her as she acknowledged to herself that no matter how much she was growing to care about the man, she could never be with him.
“I can’t live like this.” She felt crushed as she looked up at him. “I need to be free.”
Her words seemed to anger him even more. He pointed at her, punching the air with his finger before signing, you don’t need to be free; you want to be free. There’s a difference. His lips twisted with scorn. You westerners have been spoiled. You hold freedom as an ideal, even above your own welfare. You can live a full life as my wife.
“As your captive wife,” she said sadly, realizing he wasn’t going to relent.
If need be, as my captive wife, he agreed.
“I refuse to participate in this farce.”
You have no choice.
They were at an impasse.
Shaun tried to roll away from him, determined to climb off the other side of the bed and put distance between them, but he grabbed her and flipped her onto her back, dragging her. She fought him as he started pulling her clothes from her body. She quickly realized his intention when he leaned far enough into her that she could feel his steel-hard cock through his jeans, pressing against her thigh.
Once again, they were speaking a different language. Nothing in Jozef’s experience had taught him that it was wrong to force a woman’s compliance, whereas Shaun had been raised with the truth that consent was everything and betrayal of that consent was life-altering. She had to somehow make Jozef see that it would be wrong to force her before he made her life with him completely impossible.
She grabbed hold of his face as he reached between them, his hand landing on her midriff and dropping to the button on her jeans.
“Please, listen to me.” His gaze met hers with angry challenge in their depths. She prayed that he felt something for her, anything. “If you do this, it will destroy anything we’ve managed to build since you took me. I won’t be able to look at you the same. You’ll always be the guy who… who… raped me. Is that what you want?”
He glared down at her, his body tense against hers. She felt the indecision and wondered if there was anything else she could say or do. She knew fighting him would prove useless, but if he pushed, she would fight with everything she had. She wasn’t going to have sex with him, not like this.
He continued to pin her to the bed, but moved back until he could sign, you already see the men I have killed when you look at me. Why should this be any different?
She thought about his question and tried her best to come up with an answer. “I don’t know, it just is. My body is mine, but if you take it in violence, I will change. I’ve treated enough traumatized victims that I know for sure I will be altered if you hurt me that way.” She paused and then added, “And I don’t see dead men when I look at you. I should, but I don’t.”
Jozef nodded, some of the tension draining from his body. He leaned over her, caging her in his arms. Shaun tensed in fear, but all he did was drop a kiss onto her lips before rolling to the side and stretching out next to Shaun. He glanced at her to make sure she was watching before he lifted his hands to sign.
You’re wrong about one thing. No one has the power to force me to marry. Not my uncle, not anyone. I’m marrying you because I want to.
Shaun smiled; she couldn’t help herself. The entire situation was beyond fucked up, but hearing him say that he wanted her, that he was choosing to marry her, somehow made everything a little better.
“Thank you for saying that,” she whispered.
Jozef grabbed her hand and waved it around, Shaun’s wrist flopping in the air. She laughed as he dropped it back onto the bed without ceremony.
I want you to use sign language only, he demanded.
Shaun raised an eyebrow at his highhandedness, then complied. Isn’t it easier for me to speak verbally? We can converse faster and more efficiently.
I don’t care about fast or efficient, he was quick to respond. I prefer to communicate this way. It feels… intimate.
Shaun knew what he meant because she felt it too. Like our own little bubble.
He nodded his agreement, then signed, talk to me, tell me about yourself.
What do you want to know?
Anything, everything. Just talk to me.
He loved to hear about her life and often made this request when they were in bed together.
“Okay,” she whispered.
Jozef rolled against her and covered her mouth with his hand giving her a stern look. She rolled her eyes and shoved his hand away.
Okay, okay, it’ll take me some time to adjust to non-verbal.
It really was going to take Shaun time to adjust. She’d been extremely rusty with her sign language before Jozef grabbed her. Though she was quickly relearning, she wasn’t entirely there yet. She did silly things like stopped breathing while she was signing. If Jozef wanted her to sign as much at it seemed he did, then she was going to have to learn to sign and breathe at the same time or risk passing out. Her mom used to gently make fun of Shaun’s inability to multi-task. She would shake her head and laugh that it seemed appalling that such a promising young doctor couldn’t even walk and chew gum at the same time.
Shaun realized she knew what she wanted to talk about. She would give Jozef what he wanted, insight into her life, while working on a way to reconnect with that life. She would talk about the life she left behind as a way to deal with her grief over losing it. She would talk about her mother.
Shaun pushed herself up into a sitting position and wiggled around on the bed until she was facing a reclining Jozef. She took a deep breath and started signing.
My mom’s name is F-A-T-I-M-A.
He nodded and signed back, I remember, you told me about her in the van.
While he was driving her into the woods to shoot her. Though the memory still made her heart beat faster, she was able to think of it without the icy fingers of terror stealing down her spine. She was impressed that Jozef remembered what she’d told him. At the time, he’d acted as though he hadn’t heard a word.