My phone buzzed with an incoming text and I rolled over to pick it up from the nightstand. Attractive Guy from Smokey’s.
A smile tugged at my lips at how he had saved himself in my contacts and I opened the text. Levi.
Attractive Guy from Smokey’s: Just wanted to check and make sure you got home all right. And that your fiancé wasn’t too upset
Me: Yes. Thank you. And he’s fine
Attractive Guy from Smokey’s: Could have fooled me
Me: He was just worried.
Attractive Guy from Smokey’s: worried some other dude might be macking on you, looked like
Me: well, yeah. I mean, I don’t remember him. He’s worried I might decide to —
I bit the text off in the middle of my sentence as I contemplated Hayes’s motives. He said he loved me. Would he continue to love me, though, if I never returned to previous me? Could I give him everything that was in me, and take that risk? What if I did? What if I fell in love with him all over again — not too farfetched, considering I’d already done so once, right? What if I did, and then he decided I wasn’t the person he loved, after all?
Attractive Guy from Smokey’s: you there?
Me: He’s worried I might decide to do this parenting thing without him.
Attractive Guy from Smokey’s: parenting?
Me: I’m kind of pregnant
Attractive Guy from Smokey’s: no shit
Was a response to no shit typically required?
While I was deciding on the etiquette of doing so, the phone rang. Levi was calling. “Hello, Attractive Guy from Smokey’s.”
His low chuckle filled my ear before he grew serious. “So…obviously you just learned you were pregnant after your accident?”
I sat up, playing with the blanket across my lap. “I’m assuming. I have no way of knowing if I knew beforehand. I hadn’t told Hayes, and it’s still early days, so it’s entirely possible I found out at the same time he did — in the hospital.”
“That’s…mind-blowing and kind of fucked up.”
I released a shaky breath. “It really is. I’m still struggling to wrap my head around it.” For a few minutes neither of us spoke. I could hear keys tapping in the background, and the sound of music turned down low. “Anyway. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I really needed someone that didn’t know me, if that makes sense.” I shook my head and rested my forehead on my palm, even though he couldn’t see me. “Of course, it doesn’t make sense. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say.”
“It makes sense. And no apology needed. You didn’t know me. That’s a lot to blurt out to a stranger.”
“And yet I’m doing exactly that.”
“Why did you tell me? I’m glad you did, don’t get me wrong.”
“It just felt like the right thing to do.” I climbed out of the bed and walked over to the window, pulling the curtain to the side and peering down into the yard. “If you’re going to be my friend, you need to know what kind of baggage you’re dealing with.”
“Friends, huh?”
“Is that okay? I can’t really be anything more, Levi. Not right now, maybe not ever. I’m about to get really big and unsexy, and I have no idea what I’m doing with Hayes. On the one hand I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me. But on the other, I feel like I at least owe it to him to figure it out.”
“One, I happen to find pregnant women very sexy —”
I gasped. “You deviant!” I grinned, knowing he was humoring me but enjoying it all the same.
“And two, as much as I think I like you, I think that’s the right thing to do. I’d be all kinds of torn up if something like this happened with my fiancé and baby mama.”
“Thanks, Levi.”
“Anytime, friend.”
I hung up, feeling better about things than I had in a while. It helped to have a completely objective, outside opinion.
Turning off the light, I snuggled back under my blankets and closed my eyes. I’d give him a shot before moving on. A decent, fair shot.
That’s what I owed him.
“Lay down your roots now,
let them wrap tight around mine,
sink deep in the soil”
Tyler Knott Gregson
November 25 │Birdie
FRIDAY AFTERNOON FOUND ME TUCKED BACK IN HAYES’ BIG FORD PICKUP TRUCK, TRYING MY HARDEST TO APPEAR LESS NERVOUS THAN I WAS. Although I’d tried to talk him out of it, he had insisted on accompanying me to my doctor’s appointment. I was still trying to figure out how to best keep him at arm’s length during such an intimate activity.
He didn’t seem afflicted with the same anxiety. He had given me a cheerful, “morning, Mini,” as he bundled me into the vehicle, and was now singing along with George Strait with oblivious disregard for the actual melody.
“They call me the fireman, that’s my name.”
“Making my rounds all over town, putting out old flames.” I clapped a hand to my mouth. “Holy shit! Hayes, I remember the song! And the person who sings it...it’s George Strait?” Another thought struck me, and I cringed. “Did I really listen to this stuff?”
Hayes laughed. “You listened to everything, including classic country. And it is. George Strait, I mean.” He sent me a hopeful smile. “It’s a really old song, though. It’s possible that you remember it the way you do less recent people and events.”
“Huh.” I looked out the window. “Way to rain on my parade.”
He reached over and took my hand. “No, it’s a good thing.” I nodded, biting my lip, and watched the scenery passing by.
I wasn’t certain what to expect when we reached the women’s health center, but it wasn’t for Hayes to park and stroll inside with me, confidence oozing from every step. I observed him from under my brow as he opened the door for me. That couldn’t even be accurately dubbed confidence. It was swagger. It had look at me ladies, I made a baby written all over it. Inwardly I rolled my eyes. I should have known after that story he spun about how we met that a little thing like a vagina visit wouldn’t phase him.
He smiled at the woman waiting at reception and urged me forward with a hand on my lower back.
“Hi,” I started, easing my bag onto the counter. “I have an appointment with Doctor Blankenship.”
The receptionist handed me a clipboard with several papers clipped to it. “We’ll need you to fill these out, please. Do you have your insurance card with you?”
I pulled my mother’s insurance card out and handed it over. Technically, I was still on her insurance for another few months. I needed to find a job, though, and make sure it offered benefits that would cover the pregnancy and the baby.
One more thing to think about.
The woman got me checked in and then sent us to the waiting room. I was hyperaware of the scrutiny of the man beside me as I filled out my patient profile and HIPAA forms. He was curious about everything I was doing, especially the privacy information. I wrote Mom’s name down as someone authorized to obtain medical information, and then hesitated over the optional second line.