Nick: "I'm starting to regret opening this chat group. And I'll probably regret asking this question, but here it goes. What do you mean, Naomi?"
I could feel Nick's frustration crying out from his messages.
Naomi: "Well, I don't really know your plan for the cocktail party or for down the road, but I'm not interested in having all those demeaning contests like they have on the show. I'm not looking to drag out their belligerent alpha persona just because we poked them too strongly."
Nick: "Oh, please don’t say that! Those are the funniest parts of the show!"
He topped his message with a few laughing emojis, hinting that he was finding my request amusing.
Naomi: "That's right, Nick. Those are the parts that make me laugh at the expense of the participants in the show."
I re-read what I sent and immediately changed my wording.
Naomi: "Oh, sorry. I mean, the men fighting for the bachelorette's heart."
Nick: "So, what's the problem with having a good healthy laugh?"
Naomi: "I won't let you make a joke of my men!"
I couldn’t help but smile as I typed the pair of words ”my men” to him and felt it was my duty to protect them.
Nick: "Well, there goes half of what I had planned. What did you have in mind doing on group dates with your men?"
Naomi: "I don’t know. You're the producer, so you have to think of something. But I want to have fun with them, and it's important that they'll have fun with me too. I want to get to know them, I want a chance to hear who they are, and I want to be able to tell them who I am. I just can't find anything fun about watching them wallow shirtless in a tub of mud so they can prove to me which of them is the strongest."
Nick: "Well… This project is supposed to be fun for me, too, you know?"
I rolled with laughter from Nick's last message and got up to put my dishes back in the kitchen.
When I returned, I chatted with my production team for a while, making sure it was clear to them how important it was to keep the experiences positive for everyone.
Naomi: "Also, I want the dates to be spread equally between the men."
Nick: "How will you do that?"
Naomi: "I won't, but you will. You'll organize and plan the group dates, based on the list of final men. You'll invite to each specific date only the men who you think will be okay being with each other. I trust that you'll know which men will enjoy the planned activity and which will suffer from it."
Nick: "Yeah. That sounds like an easy thing to do."
He added an angry emoji to emphasize his state of mind, and I giggled to myself as I typed in my next thoughts.
Naomi: "So, let me make it difficult for you. You'll also make sure that on group dates, everyone gets the same quality time with me."
Maya: "Okay, I stepped away for a bit, and now I'm all caught up. Did I just read you handed over the control to Nick? That can't be right, can it? Do you think you'll be able to handle that, Naomi?"
Maya was correct to be surprised by my list of requests.
Naomi: "I do."
Nick: "You're supposed to say that only at the end of this journey, not at its beginning, silly. Save your 'I dos' for later, and trust me, I believe you'll use them!"
Naomi: "Nick, I fully trust you when it comes to matters of the heart. Especially with regards to dating men. I actually think you have a ton more experience in that field of expertise than I do."
Nick: "To put things straight, you just called me a man-whore, but I'm going to let it slide."
His reply made me laugh again as he sent another message.
Nick: "Is there anything else you'd like to say on the subject before we take off?"
Suddenly I didn't feel like giving him any other guidelines.
Naomi: "Surprise me!"
I wrote, and the group fell silent, but only for a few moments. I felt that not knowing everything in advance added to the excitement, and I actually found that I loved it.
Nick elaborated and explained the principle ideas of the project he had in mind. It was based on the familiar format but modified to suit our unique situation and requirements. I read each of his messages with diligence and sounded my voice where I felt it needed to be heard.
Nick: "Every Saturday, there will be a cocktail party."
Naomi: "Every Saturday? I'll drop dead if I have to cook for a party every Saturday."
Nick: "You, my dear, are the bachelorette. All you have to worry about is dealing with the excitement and having to say goodbye to one of your men each week."
Naomi: "Really? Every week?"
I wondered how I would be able to learn enough about them to know who to keep and who to say goodbye to.
Nick: "You should take comfort in the fact that each goodbye brings you one step closer to your ring, though you should also know that each goodbye will be harder than the previous one."
Naomi: "Oh my... I can't believe it. This can't actually be happening."
I shook my head in amazement at the way the project was getting so tangible and real.
Nick: "In each cocktail party, you'll stand bravely in front of your men, and hand out your roses. Just like in our favorite show, anyone who remains without a rose will have to say goodbye to you respectfully."
Naomi: "Oh, really? Roses?"
That seemed so inappropriate outside of the TV screen and in the cynical reality of our lives.
Naomi: "Maybe instead of handing out roses, I'll invite who I want to stay to have a drink with me?"
Nick: "I'm afraid you'll get seriously hammered at the first cocktail party if that's how you'll choose nine out of ten men."
Nick’s message amused me so much that I missed the number he mentioned.
Naomi: "And I'm sure you'll find a solution for that too."
I started to enjoy not being in control and, once again, rolled the responsibility to him, which led the group back into silence for a few more minutes.
Having nothing else to do, I crashed on the living room couch and got ready to watch the episode I missed, hoping to catch up with Jennifer's latest adventures, yet Nick was quick to get the discussion going again before I could hit the "Play" button.
Nick: "There are some things that I also feel very strongly about, Naomi."
Naomi: "Such as?"
Nick: "I demand that there'll be group dates, but I accept your request not to turn it into a demeaning contest that has nothing to do with finding love."
Naomi: "Thank you."
Nick: "I also insist that only the men who'll be left standing at the advanced stages will meet your friends and that I'll decide when its right to do so."