Li and I had agreed to talk about a baby again once Gautama Buddha was over. And that was the plan – only we were a little too late. Just a few weeks later, I discovered I was six weeks pregnant. Peggy Oxford recommended a doctor downtown and I went to see him between rehearsals. ‘Well, Mary, you are pregnant,’ he announced. ‘Congratulations!’
I didn’t say anything. I was shocked and didn’t know what to think or feel. I walked out in a daze. All I knew was that I had to get back to the studio to tell Li.
I stood in front of the circular window that allowed viewing into the studio. Li was working with Christopher, but when I caught his eye, I nodded – slowly but emphatically. He couldn’t stop working so just turned back to Christopher, but I had glimpsed the shock on his face. I waited for Li. He had a break coming up.
When he came out of the studio, he grabbed my hand and led me to a private area.
‘Yes, I’m pregnant,’ I said. ‘What are we going to do?’
‘What do you think?’ Li asked me back.
‘I’m not really sure, but I want this baby,’ I replied.
‘Well, we’ll have to tell Ben and Christopher, then,’ Li said.
The unexpected pregnancy had thrown my life into chaos as we were in the middle of the Gautama Buddha creation. We both knew that I couldn’t continue as I wouldn’t be able to perform it in six months’ time. Christopher would need to have another dancer involved in the creation process. I was bitterly disappointed.
That night I remember crying into my spaghetti, not knowing what the future would bring. Our life was about to change and we didn’t know if I would be able to keep working after a baby. All these things were going through my head. I could see that a million thoughts were whizzing through Li’s head too. We were both naive about babies and the reality of life outside the ballet. We had been cloistered in the ballet world. I was only thirty, and probably had another five years of dancing left in my career. But now I had to think about the probability that I wouldn’t be dancing again. Would I get my body back in shape and still perform at top level? Would Ben still want me? It was all so unknown.
It took us a while to adjust, but what I knew with certainty was that I wanted our baby and I couldn’t do Christopher’s new ballet. Together we shared the news with Ben. He was shocked but genuinely happy for us. ‘Congratulations!’ he said with a big smile. He assured me that there was no question that my job would still be there for me after the baby. He was very generous and loyal.
I called Mum, just days after one of our regular calls. ‘Is everything okay, darling?’ she asked.
‘I’m pregnant!’ I blurted.
‘Oh, darling! How lovely. Congratulations!’ she cried.
‘Thanks. I’m still getting used to the idea. We’re a bit shocked,’ I told her. She knew about Gautama Buddha and how excited I’d been, but she also knew a lot about babies.
‘Babies don’t know about schedules, darling,’ she said – something I was just beginning to learn.
Li called his parents and they were over the moon and wished for a boy to carry on the Li family name. They only had one grandson so far. Li found out that his fifth and seventh brothers’ wives were also pregnant and their babies would be born around the same time as ours.
I had an easy pregnancy, except I was constantly starving. Being so slim and muscular while trying to grow a baby was hard work for my body. For the first twelve weeks I had to be careful with my food intake as I still had to dance. Then I found out I was very iron deficient, so I ate a lot of steaks and Li made me roast duck with pancakes, which I craved. I finished The Nutcracker that year when I was about twelve weeks pregnant. It was a relief – my tutu had started to get tight around my waist and I was getting heavier for Li to lift. Now I could enjoy the pregnancy – and food!
I embraced my new condition and watched my stomach grow bigger by the day. I was now able to do many normal things that I hadn’t had the time to do previously. I visited friends like Peggy and we went shopping for baby things. I started reading about pregnancy and birth, and attending appointments with the obstetrician.
‘I really want to have a natural birth,’ I told him. ‘A caesarean may damage my stomach muscles and make returning to work difficult – even impossible,’ I explained.
‘Don’t worry. You’re a young, healthy woman. You’ll be fine,’ he assured me.
I continued to do barre each day to keep myself involved and in shape. So I still took my place beside all the other dancers, except my belly was growing while all the bodies around me remained lithe and straight. I was determined to retain some tone so I could return to work more easily.
John’s wife, Megan, had her baby in March. She had a difficult labour and ended up having a caesarean, so her recovery period was hard. Their son, Austin, was such a handsome baby. I visited them in the garage apartment almost every day and reacquainted myself with holding a baby.
The weeks started to drag and I thought our baby would never come. Towards the end my stomach grew huge. I could feel the baby moving around and sometimes could see its little feet pushing out the skin of my stomach as if it were a punching bag. ‘Dancing feet!’ Li would say with delight.
I was actually bored and fed up with all the waiting. I just wanted to get on with it. It was June in Houston, very muggy. ‘It’s too hot, Li,’ I would moan. ‘I can’t stand it.’
‘Hang in there, darling. Not long to go now,’ he’d reply sweetly. ‘Let me give you a massage.’
Our publicist friend Kate Crady’s mother, Pat, offered to host a baby shower at her home. I was overwhelmed by the number of gifts we received from our generous friends – Li could hardly fit everything in the car when he came to pick me up.
Coralie flew to Houston to stay with me the week before the due date and that made a big difference. ‘Darling, you look beautiful,’ she said. ‘Glowing!’
Of course she came with an extra suitcase full of things for the baby. She always thought of everything. I oohed and aahed over the tiny clothes – could there ever be a person that small? How would I cope with such a tiny person in my arms? I couldn’t imagine it, and yet I’d done it so many times before, helping to look after each new sibling as he or she came along. Now it was my turn to bring a new life into the world.
Mum and I went shopping. She was a star shopper and loved it, and she enjoyed getting to know Houston. Thank God! I hate shopping. I find it boring after the first hour and just want to go home. We bought a nursing chair – Mum insisted it be a rocking chair. We found it at one of the many antique shops that Mum adored visiting. She cooked steaks for us to help with my iron levels. Li had discovered a place where he could buy seaweed, which was full of iron, so he just sliced it up and added it to the other vegetables in his stir-fried dishes. And much to Mum’s surprise, I was eating that as well.
Dame Margot was continuing to visit Houston for her cancer treatment, and of course Ben had told her that I was having a baby. During one of her trips, Ben invited us to dinner and I was heavily pregnant. Margot was very excited about the baby, which was due any minute. Mum was thrilled to meet this legend of the ballet world, and I was very grateful for such a wonderful distraction from my seemingly never-ending pregnancy.