Levi turned that over, needing to proceed with caution, because George was giving him a lot of sensitive personal information, and he didn’t want to take advantage of that—of George having someone else to open up to besides his brother. “Did you ever want to kiss Andy?”
His cheeks and neck flushed red, and George looked at his lap, shaggy blond hair falling over his forehead. That was all the answer Levi needed. “Hey,” Levi said, giving that same knee a second brief squeeze. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about it, especially not around me. You haven’t had a chance to really explore who you are as an individual person, and I know revealing truths can be scary, but I am a safe place for you. I promise.”
After several long moments, George finally looked up, eyes so shiny Levi half expected the guy to burst into tears.
* * *
George hadn’t expected the surge of emotion that flooded him when Levi asked if he’d ever wanted to kiss Andy. Yes, George had wanted to kiss Andy more than once. Tall, lean, athletic, and cute, Andy had drawn George to him, even though they were competitors. He’d covertly observed Andy in the locker rooms more than once, curious about the other teen’s body. But he’d never acted on those impulses.
He’d been too scared of losing focus, losing his spot in competitions, losing his dream if he admitted he might be gay, even though it wasn’t exactly unheard of in figure skating. Hell, Johnny Weir was one of his personal heroes. He’d also been scared of what his parents might think. So, he’d locked those feelings up tight and buried them deep, not acknowledging them again until he started doing closed-captions for gay porn. The bodies, the mouths, the abs, the dicks...they’d briefly awoken long-suppressed feelings and thoughts. But acting on those thoughts had still been impossible, this time because of his anxiety, so he had once again ignored them. Pressed them back down and pretended they didn’t exist. Until now.
And sitting this close to Levi, a kind man with a gentle soul, who spoke to George’s heart, was a very bad idea.
Especially when his knee still felt warm from those two brief touches.
He held Levi’s gaze, his own eyes filling with tears he refused to shed. Levi watched him with so much patience and understanding, George wanted to fling himself into the older man’s arms for a hug. But he didn’t. “I wanted to kiss Andy,” he admitted. He kind of wanted to kiss Levi but that was a very bad idea.
Levi’s smile brightened. “Okay. Thank you for sharing your truth with me.”
“Orry doesn’t know.”
“Your brother doesn’t know you’re gay?”
George shook his head. “I mean, I’ve only started to really admit it to myself recently, and until now no one has ever directly applied the label to me. But yes.” He swallowed hard against a rush of acid in his throat. “I’m gay.”
“Thank you again for sharing your truth. I’m honored to be the first to know, and I promise I won’t out you to anyone. This is your truth to tell.”
“Thank you.” Not that George thought Levi would run out and blab it to the whole house, but the words relaxed some of his anxiety over this entire conversation. “Wow, I did not expect to come out over lunch.”
Levi laughed. “Life comes at you fast.”
“Very true.”
The serious conversation seemed to be over, so George changed the subject. “Tell me a story about the rodeo. Please?”
Levi did, painting an amusing scene of his brother Xander, as their clown/opening act, being randomly pooped on by a pigeon hiding in the rafters of the arena they were performing in, and incorporating the accident into his routine. They were both laughing by the end, and Ginger was asleep from their constant petting. Nearly two hours had passed from the time Levi arrived to when he stood to leave.
They carried their drinks and plates into the kitchen as a pair, and the odd domesticity of it made George yearn in a new, intense way. Yearn for a real life with a partner who didn’t judge him, who loved him, and who’d protect his heart. Things he’d told himself for years that he didn’t need, because alone was safer.
But was it really?
George walked Levi to the door, and they stood there a moment. Levi stuck out his hand, and George shook it. More warmth against his palm that woke him up inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” George said.
“Same bat-time, same bat-lunch.”
“Same what?”
Levi chuckled. “I keep forgetting how young you are. You have an old soul.”
“That’s a compliment, right?”
“Yes, it is. It means you feel things deeply and have great empathy for others. Even though you hide from it, you are very attuned to the world at large. I’m glad you’re starting to live in it again.”
“Me too. Thank you for helping me do that.”
“My pleasure.” Levi tipped an imaginary hat at him then left.
Like yesterday, George watched him descend the stairs until he was out of sight. Since Ginger was still asleep in her crate when he returned to their room, George put his headphones on and settled in to work for a while. But instead of pressing play on his current assignment, George stared at the still image. One big, bearish guy was in the process of fingering a younger twink. Because of this job, George probably knew more about gay sex mechanics and positions than Levi—unless Levi was a porn connoisseur, of course—and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Would Levi think him writing closed-captions for porn was weird? Maybe. But Levi was the least judgmental person George had ever met.
Not really saying much, since he didn’t know very many people, but still.
His entire workday was focused around sex, but George had never had sex. Hell, he’d never even been kissed. He wanted to be kissed, though. He wanted a lot of things, he just wasn’t sure how to reach for them.
Tomorrow, he’d ask Levi for ideas on getting out there, meeting people, possibly even dating. Yeah, Levi would have good advice.
If George actually drummed up the courage to ask.
Chapter Six
George did not, in fact, drum up the courage to ask Levi for help for the next four days. Ginger was less yowly, which he assumed meant she was in less pain and her hip was mending. Levi continued to bring them lunch, same subs every day from the same place. They talked about all kinds of things but not George’s sexuality or anything too serious. He enjoyed these casual conversations, more than he enjoyed chilling downstairs with Dez, Morgan, Slater, and Derrick.
Levi understood George in a way no one ever had. Not even Orry. And he adored their friendship and the casual touches they shared.