As she stands, already the flare of rage in her has simmered into something more mocking, more challenging. It’s exactly the kind of thing that I know gets under Dimitri’s skin.
“Call me a coward all you like,” she says coolly. “But might I remind you that fear is what brought all of us here. So to call me a coward is to call every Crusader and initiate one, including your arrogant self, so don’t act like you’re better than me or any of us.”
A vein pulses on Dimitri’s temple and he, too, springs up, half-cocked. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re anyone’s equal here. I worked for everything I owned. You stole the hard-earned goods and wares from people like me. I’m here for duty, to protect Arcathain from evil. You’re here for your own selfish exoneration.”
“Dimitri, stop,” I say, tugging on his arm. He shrugs it out of my grasp.
“You really oughta listen to your girl,” calls a man from across the table. He’s sitting a few seats down from Fox, and I recognize the slur that parts his lips as he hovers over a chalice, his lips stained red. “Is arguing over the value of our past lives really worth more than eating a warm meal in peace, right now, of all nights?”
Dimitri’s nostrils flare. It’s been a long and grueling journey. We’re all testier than we would be under normal circumstances.
The large man beside him reaches his sausage-like fingers up, grasps Dimitir’s tense shoulder, and shoves him down hard enough to rock the entire bench.
“Sit. Eat,” the large man says, a thick accent making his words sound barbaric.
Begrudgingly, Dimitri does as he’s told, finally peeling his malicious gaze away from Fox.
“Roommates of yours?” I ask, indicating to the large man and the drunk.
He glowers at me. “Better than yours.”
“She doesn’t seem that bad,” I tell him. “It wasn’t too long ago you were in a position where you had to rely on quick hands to make ends meet.”
He scoffs. “I labored for every piece of bread or apple anyone ever gave me. It wasn’t stealing. It was an exchange. They needed the orchards tended, the dough meaded. I worked for my share.” There’s more venom in his voice for the last part as he glares across the table to Fox.
I lean my face into view to block his gaze. “Can we not do this right now? You don’t see me antagonizing your roommates.”
He snorts a laugh. “That’s because you couldn’t even if you tried. Güthric here,“ he says, patting the large man’s shoulder beside him, “joined the Shadow Crusade for the same reasons we did.”
“We fight!” Güthric growls, spitting a mouthful of half-chewed food across the table as he bangs his fist against the dark oak.
It’s the first thing that has caught Silver’s attention, who looks over at him with a scowl of disgust. I can’t tell if it’s the fact that shredded bits of lamb are now dangling from his yellow beard, or if she’s irritated that the chalice beside her was rocked so thoroughly by his hammering that it splashed her and tinged her hand pink.
Whatever the reason, she scoots out from the bench at the end of the table. “Excuse me,” she says, addressing us all. “It’s been a long journey, and I’d like to rest since I have no more appetite.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I think I see Güthric flinch, deflating like a scolded child.
“I’ll be in the room should anyone need me.”
“Yeah,” Fox adds. “This has been fun and all, but I think I’ve had my fill too. We’ll see you later, Halira, that is, assuming you’re still willing to share a room with a cold-blooded apple thief.”
She winks at me before turning her back to us.
Dimitri tenses at the jab, and I grab his arm again.
“I don’t like you sleeping in the same room with her,” he says through gritted teeth.
“It’s really not that bad. She’s nice, Dimitri. I like her.”
He scoffs, a noise that has the habit of grating beneath my skin.
I roll my eyes, but still try to maintain my calm. “Besides, it’s not like I brought anything of value with me for her to steal.”
He looks to my waist and the most valuable possession I have that’s tucked under the table. “What about your shadowsteel? That dagger could go for a fortune on the black market.”
Heat rises up my neck at the thought, at the mere suggestion that anyone would dare take away the only thing left of my brother. But I can’t afford to allow my rage to grow. When Dimitri and I both become volatile, things aren’t good.
I swallow hard, the muscle in my jaw so tight that the motion is difficult to make. “That wouldn’t happen. I carry it with me, always. And I’ll sleep with it as well. If anyone even tries, I’ll…”
The end of that sentence feels alarmingly brutal compared to the conversations I was having only a few weeks ago, about the honey harvest, repairing my family’s cloaks for the winter, how much grain we could purchase the next time we went to the market. But I suppose this is my life now, one of ruthless killing without a second thought, and I’d better get used to it. Doubt might be the end of me once we’re inside the Shadowthorn.
When I finally muster the courage to finish what I was saying, I turn to Dimitri, expecting to find him still full of conviction and hatred. Instead, he’s shaking his head.
“No…you’re right,” he says, shocking me thoroughly. He closes his sage-green eyes, his fist tightening where it lay atop the table. “I don’t have to like her, but she is an initiate, a potential Crusader, and therefore, I have to tolerate her. We are here to put an end to the Primordial and its demon spawn, not the pick fights with other Crusaders. Of one country, of one blood.”
I have to suppress the urge to roll my eyes, especially seeing as how Dimitri has finally resettled. Seeing such disrespect toward the Shadow Crusade’s mantra will only reawaken his rage.
“I should probably turn in as well. It’s been a long week.”
I expect him to be more suspicious, more judgmental. After all, it’s still midday, and the way we were raised, I shouldn’t be hitting my bed until well after dark. But without having any explicit commands from anyone, it appears that I can do with my day what I like, and after the grueling trek north, there is nothing more I’d like than to lay beneath the warm blankets of a bed. And apparently, Dimitri understands my inclination enough to simply nod his farewell.
Like my dormmates before me, I clear out of the dining hall to put some distance between the two of us. It’s not rare for us to have spats like these. It seems to come with the territory of being lifelong friends who both have their tempers. But the days—the weeks—have been too long. I don’t have the patience to deal with him and the many topics we disagree on tonight.
Instead, I spend the next few hours trying to find my dorm. Admittedly, I should’ve asked for an escort or something before I’d left the hall, considering I knew even when we arrived that I wouldn’t be able to find my way back on my own.
My home had been a small, cozy, three-roomed cottage consisting of only the living space, my parents’ bedroom, and the room I slept in with Tor and Kalli before they grew of age and set out on their own.