Besides, the most impressive part of the entire story isn’t even false. There are still times when I am utterly dumbfounded that I was able to kill that shadowcreature by myself. I’ve hardly been able to win any sparring matches since my arrival at Nigh, but I guess when one’s life is truly on the line, the stakes are different.
“You worry too much, Halira,” Dimitri says softly, his thumb tracing over my bottom lip. “After today, we’re Crusaders, the most fearless warriors in all of Arcathain. Today is a special day. Indulge in it.”
He leans forward and kisses my lips. I inhale the scent of him, fresh and flowery, so unlike the Dimitri I’m used to being around. But his current cleanliness feels like a symbol of this moment, of the grime of our pasts being washed away as our blank-slated futures unfold before us.
I push myself up to my toes and deepen the kiss. My hand slides along his jaw and cheek, relishing in the smooth warmth of his skin, a once in a lifetime experience to breathe him in with the scent of lavender still fresh on his skin, I’m sure.
His arms grip my shoulders.
“Halira,” he begs when he finds an opening, but I press my mouth back against his.
He’s trying to push me away, to insist that we go because we have a duty or an obligation or whatever form of responsibility he has enslaved himself to today, but I don’t care. Right now, I want nothing more than him. His skin isn’t stained with blood, his face is smooth to the touch, and despite his best efforts to act like he’s disinterested, it’s obvious from the bulge pressed against my thigh that he’s never been more aroused in his life. I’m not foolish enough to think it’s all because of me—though I have no doubt that the extra care I’ve taken to look presentable today is helping—but Dimitri finds satisfaction from honor and hard work. The thought of training every day for three months straight, of besting his classmates and rising to the top of our ranks as far as the good graces of the general, and finally amounting to something in his life that goes beyond the Wallows of Gravenburg has him thrumming with excitement.
“We have time,” I moan against his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip with a gentle tug. My hands slide down to his chest, my fingers twirling around the topmost leather latch.
“No, we don’t. The others were finishing their lunches when I left. They’ll be heading to the cathedral soon.”
I bite his lip, tugging on it gently as I pull away. I peek up at him from behind my heavy lashes and pout. “We can be quick.”
He groans.
“I promise,” I say, taking his lip back between my teeth and sucking.
A knock on the door startles us both.
Dimitri rips away from me and storms to the other side of the room. His chest is heaving, sheer horror having drained him of all his color by the time the door cracks open.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Fox says, peering into the room with her hand over her eyes. “I just came to let you know everyone is transitioning to the cathedral. The ceremony will begin soon.”
She disappears without another word. Dimitri storms by me, his chest puffed out and his cheeks red.
“I’ll see you there,” he grumbles, disappearing after Fox.
The cathedral is more crowded than I expected it would be, and not just with Crusaders either. Though many of the bodies filling the pews are clad in black leathers, there is a sprinkling of commonfolk among them, parents and spouses, brothers and sisters, proud family members who have come to witness their loved one’s receiving their hard-earned title of Crusader.
The initiates and I stand in two rows at the dais in the front of the cathedral while the people filter in. It seems as if every candle in all of Nigh has been brought here. The place is illuminated with a hazy, ethereal glow that’s mesmerizing and only serves to churn my insides more.
The anticipation has my stomach in knots. If I could forgo such a lavish commencement, I would, and gladly. I’d rather receive my orders in private, where I won’t feel the eyes of everyone on me as I try to hold back my tears when Alphonse tells me I’m staying here.
The longer we wait, the more certain I become that there can be no other outcome. He’s hated me for too long to let me have anything I want now. His entire life and all the torment he sent my way has been leading us to this final moment.
When the Magistrate enters the room, everyone hushes. The audience spins around in their seats to watch him walk up the walkway, and I bob onto the tips of my toes to see around Güthric.
My uncle Esmond is just as I remember him: intimidating in his nobility. Time has only served to darken the already sinister creases of his face. He takes languid but powerful strides down the walkway, each step echoing up the high ceiling cathedral and demanding the full attention of everyone in the room.
General Alphonse follows a short distance behind him, doing his best to mimic his father’s confident, aristocratic posture. I’d never realized where he’d learned to clasp his hands behind his back, or just how similar his upturned nose is to his father’s, but seeing them next to each other, one directly in front of the other, the resemblance is uncanny.
Alphonse’s scowl is deeper than it usually is, and I can’t tell if he’s as disinterested in being here as I am, or if it just pains him that much to be in his father’s shadow.
The Magistrate steps up onto the center of the dais. He scans us all with his dark eyes before turning sharply and taking his place at the edge of the platform. He is here today to witness, nothing more.
Alphonse steps up next, and as he turns around to begin the ceremony, I glimpse my sister coming in behind them. Kalli doesn’t come up the platform—according to her letter, it’s not customary for Senators to attend these ceremonies. Instead, she veers left at the end of the walkway, taking an empty seat in the first pew. We share a cordial smile before we both fix our attentions to Alphonse.
“Greetings citizens of Arcathain. You honor the Shadow Crusade and our initiates with your presence today.” He gives a sweeping gesture to the rest of us behind him. “The mages abandoned us, expecting the demons to slaughter all of humankind. But what they did not know was that we are too brave to cower and die. We are the Shadow Crusade! For years, we have defended your borders from the demons that would terrorize you in the night. For generations, we have fought the Primordials and aimed to rid the world of the evil that plagues us. To be a Crusader is to be a protector, to be fearless in the face of death. A Crusader not only fights for themselves, but for all of Arcathain. To a Crusader, there is no greater purpose than serving our country.”
The Crusaders in the audience slap their chests and roar, “Of one country, of one blood,” in a rumbling chant that startles most of the people in the room.
Alphonse smirks, but he holds his hands up. Once the room has quieted again, he signals to the rest of us. “Today, we gather to see a new generation of warriors join the Shadow Crusade. The initiates behind me are as cunning and committed as any others I’ve overseen in the past three years I’ve been general. They came here with one purpose: to serve their country and defend it from the bane of shadowcreatures infesting our lands.”
The Crusaders in the audience holler and pump their fists into the air. The nave becomes a chorus of bravado and virility. Alphonse tries taming them with another raise of his hands, but they continue, the boisterous whooping too thrilling to ignore in such close proximity.