Well, I should hope so.
Boone sensed she was coming to the apex of her tale. He wanted to shush her, to tell her she need not say the words out loud, that he didn’t need to hear them. He didn’t want to hear them.
He knew he had to hear them.
“I was dead asleep when he called. I think he’d called more than once before I woke up enough to answer. He was babbling. Panicked.” She closed her eyes and repeated. “Panicked.”
Boone gave into his desire to drape his arm around her shoulders.
“He said that Sophia had a fever of a hundred and five, that he needed me to come home and help. But I was running a hundred-and-two temp myself, so … I … I … told him to take her to the ER.”
She looked up at Boone, her eyes hollow and watery with grief. “The hospital was on the other side of the lake. Andrew drove off the bridge.”
Chapter Eighteen
“Oh, honey. No,” Boone murmured, his voice rough.
“The girls were strapped in their car seats. The autopsy showed that at some point before her death, Sophia had a seizure. The police theorize it happened during the drive, and that’s why he lost control.”
He wrapped both arms around her then and held her tight. His face buried in hair, he said, “What a horrible, tragic accident”
She pulled away, and met his gaze. Fiercely, she declared, “One that never should have happened! The man was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. I should have told him to call nine-one-one. He had no business driving. Actually, he had no business caring for the girls at all that night. I should have called a sitter.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hannah, you were ill. Your plate wasn’t full; it was overflowing. He could have called a sitter. He could have called nine-one-one.”
“No, I don’t think he could have. That’s what keeps me up at night. It’s so easy to see in hindsight. There was no affair. Andrew was depressed. He had an anxiety disorder. Boone, I should have caught it. Before I quit working to raise my babies, I was a therapist.”
“Ah, Hannah.”
“I was a professional, and I didn’t pick up on the clues. My babies died. Their father, who truly was a good man, died. I failed my family.”
“That’s not fair, Hannah. You’re being way too hard on yourself.”
“Maybe so, but for the past three years, it’s been my reality. I’m no Adelaide McBride, pioneer wonder woman. I’m Hannah Dupree, screwup.”
“I repeat, bullshit. You are Hannah Dupree, modern wonder woman. The fact that you are here with me right now proves that. Look at what you went through. Look at what you survived. You are strong, Hannah. You’re strong and resilient and courageous, and I wish you would recognize that. What you are not is omniscient. Andrew wasn’t your patient. He was your husband. It seems to me that you did the best you could in a trying situation, and you need to cut yourself some slack.”
Boone shoved his fingers through his hair, betraying his frustration. “This has gone off the rails. It’s not how I planned today. Today was supposed to be romance and relaxation. Instead, it’s revelations and recriminations. I wish I’d taken that journal and thrown it off Lover’s Leap!”
“No. I’m glad you brought the journal.”
Recognizing the truth of the statement, Hannah took his hands in hers. These next words were important. She wanted him to know that, so she squeezed his fingers as she said, “This was the right time for me to read it. Adelaide’s story opened a door for me, Boone. I needed to show you my wounds. I needed to confess my mistakes and share regrets. Confession is good for the soul.”
Frowning, he asked, “So you feel better?”
“I do. My heart is still heavy, but the burden is lighter now. The darkness isn’t so dark.”
“Be a light,” he softly murmured.
“This is the first time I’ve told the story. You are the first person I’ve wanted to hear it. How you responded, what you said, it was exactly right. It’s what I needed to hear. Here and now. Today.”
“Good. Because everything I said is true.”
“The problem is that what I know in my mind doesn’t always jive with what’s in my heart. I know I did my best, but nothing can change the fact that if I’d done better, I might have saved Sophia and Zoe. That’s my harsh reality. I haven’t been able to forgive myself for that.”
“Well, it’s time you did.”
“I think you’re right. I think I’m ready to cut myself the slack you mentioned. Accident or not, what happened was tragic. I had a part in it, but so did Andrew. So did fate. It’s not all on me.”
“Exactly.”
She showed him a bittersweet smile. “It’s been a long time coming, Boone, but I think I can do it. I think I’m finally ready to forgive myself.”
He looked at her, studied her hard. After a long moment, he nodded. “Good. That’s good. I’m glad.”
“Me too.” She went up on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “It’s because of you, Boone. My world was black. You changed that. You brought color back to my world. You brought light into my life and led me to this good place, this bright, colorful world where I’m alive.”
Tenderly, he cupped her cheek. “Hearing you say that makes me very happy, Hollywood. I’m glad I brought the journal along.”
“I am too.”
“Nevertheless, before we move along, I want to circle back to the strength issue, because I see something different, and I think you need to hear about it. Hannah, I don’t think you’re ready to embrace the wuss. I think you don’t want to be strong alone. You want someone to be there for you. You want someone you can lean on when you need support.”
She tilted her head as she considered that. “You may have a point.”
“After this little walk of ours, I’m certain of it. And this is my response. I’m here.” He poked his chest with his index finger. “I’ve got broad shoulders, and I’ve spent the past five years sinking deep roots. I won’t blow over. Lean on me, Hannah. When you’re tired of being strong, lean on me. If I had my guitar with me, I’d break out into that seventies tune by Bill Withers. We all need somebody. Let me be your somebody. I will be there whenever you need me.”
“You are really very sweet, you know.”
“Thank you. I think.”
“Sweet as Sarah’s strawberry pinwheels, in fact.”
“Now you’ve done it. I’m hungry.” He held out his hand toward her. “We should probably make our way back to camp. Lunch will be delivered soon.”
“Sounds fabulous.” She placed her hand in his, and they turned to retrace their steps through the meadow. Before they entered the forest, she said, “Boone, I find your broad shoulders attractive for many reasons, but I want to be honest with you. While you’ve been busy sinking roots, I’ve been sleeping. I’m slowly waking up from a three-year nap. I’m just beginning this living business. It’ll probably take me a bit of time to figure it out.”
“That’s okay.” He laced their fingers and brought her hand up to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. “Take all the time you need. But promise me you’ll stay in Eternity Springs while you’re doing your thinking. Give this thing between us a chance. Give me a chance.”