“Sure you didn’t, Callahan,” he says slowly.
“Seriously.”
“Seriously.” He mimics me, repeating the word with his voice high pitched, and I really hate that.
I reach out, ready to punch him, but he’s quicker than me, grabbing my wrist and stopping me before my fist makes contact with his upper arm. “Let me go,” I tell him through clenched teeth.
He only tightens his grip on my wrist. “None of this has to do with your dad.”
“None of what?” I jerk against his hold, but he still doesn’t let go.
“What’s going on between us.”
“Nothing’s going on between us.” I sound way too sure of myself.
He lets go of me, and I immediately miss his touch, which is so stupid, I want to slap myself. “You go ahead and keep telling yourself that.”
I gape at him, trying to come up with something to say, and at that exact moment, Lou puts the car into gear and it lurches forward, my body toppling over as if I have no control over myself. Again with the quick reflexes, Ash grabs me before I face plant against the back of the bench seat, his hands gripping my upper arms as he carefully settles me onto our seat once more.
“Thanks,” I mumble, annoyed that he just came to my rescue.
“Gotta be careful,” he warns, but I ignore him. Instead, I turn toward the open window, smiling when I spot people I know from school standing on the side of the road. They see me too and start waving, and I wave back, laughing when they shout my name.
It’s like this for the entire parade, both of us preoccupied with waving out our respective windows, our hands braced on the empty spot between us, our fingers brushing against each other’s for the entire two-mile drive. Ash eventually curls his pinky finger around mine and I don’t pull away. I hardly move for fear he’ll shift his hand away from mine completely. It’s the stupidest thing ever, but I don’t want to lose the connection, no matter how miniscule it is.
Seems like he doesn’t want to lose it either.
No one dresses up for our homecoming dance, thank God, so the pressure is off tonight. I show up at the dance with Kaya, Daphne, and a few other friends, since we all got ready at Kaya’s house together. I’m tempted, but I end up telling no one about my encounter with Ash in the car, though I don’t even know how I’d describe it. That we held pinky fingers like a couple of kindergarteners? That once we climbed out of the car, we never spoke again for the rest of the day or night? Even when we walked out onto the football field together with the rest of the homecoming court during halftime? It was weird, how we remained silent the entire time.
I don’t understand what’s happening between us, so I can’t really tell anyone else about it either. It’s my little secret.
Our little secret.
We’re thirty minutes late to the dance, but that’s okay since things really don’t get started until the dance is about an hour in. Jaden’s waiting for Kaya when we arrive, so he sweeps her away and I know I won’t see her until we ride home together.
The rest of us go out on the dance floor and jump around to the beat of a popular song, singing along with the lyrics as loud as we can, making asses of ourselves. Daphne and I hold hands and dance around in a circle, laughing and screaming at the top of our lungs. The seniors send us withering stares and the freshmen jump right along with us, and while I’m excited to be a junior next year so I won’t be treated like such a little kid any longer, I know I can let loose and be silly tonight and not really care about anyone judging me.
I am, after all, the homecoming princess of the sophomore class, right? I have to use that for as long as I can, because I’m thinking my expiration card is happening by the end of this dance.
Ben magically appears, and I’m so glad to see him. Within seconds he’s dancing with our group, smiling at me as he shakes his hair out of his eyes. I let him monopolize me, because he’s the reason I’m here tonight. He asked me to save a dance for him, and I want to save all of my dances for him. I’ve had a crush on him for so long, and finally, finally he seems to be just as into me as I’m into him.
It feels good, to have his attention. He grabs me a bottle of water and stays with me when we decide to sit out for a few songs. His friends come around and they join us, and soon we’re all talking and laughing and having a good time. My friends are sitting with us too, and eventually so are Kaya and Jaden, which is a pleasant surprise. I feel good, sitting among my friends, laughing at someone’s dumb joke, Kaya collapsing onto my side when Jaden says something that strikes her funny.
That’s what I want, I think as I watch her and Jaden. I want a relationship like that, where they can joke and laugh and hug and sneak away so they can kiss for a while. They’re like friends, but better. They sort of remind me of my parents, though I know they’re probably nothing like them, considering we’re only fifteen and I can already hear Mom saying you won’t find your true love at such a young age.
But what does she know?
We’re still all grouped together, the dancing long forgotten, when I finally spot Ash enter the building, sauntering in as if he owns the place. I know he doesn’t see me, I’m so completely surrounded by people, which means I can totally spy on him without his noticing me.
He glances around, like he’s looking for someone, and there’s no way he’s looking for me. That’s just me being a complete egomaniac.
The moment he finds me, it’s like I can feel his gaze. It settles over me, heavy and brooding, and when I glance up, he’s got that exact look on his face.
Heavy and brooding.
He’s not bright and sunny like Ben. He’s dark and foreboding, like a stormy night.
Yet here I am. Drawn to the darkness when I should be seeking the light.
“Hey.” I settle my hand on Ben’s knee and he turns to look at me, seemingly shocked by my touching him so freely. “I’ll be right back.” I stand up and stretch my arms above my head, fighting the nervous tussling in my stomach.
He glances up at me with a frown. “Everything okay?”
“I’m good,” I reassure him. Reassure myself. “Just want to go say hi to someone real quick.”
Ben reaches out and squeezes my hand, and I study our linked fingers. I wait for the tingles, for the warm, fuzzy feeling to envelop me.
It doesn’t happen.
I pull away from Ben and push my way out of the crowd, then walk across the room, heading straight for Ash. He’s leaning against the wall, chatting with those same guys he rode home with on coronation night, and I walk right up to him, reminding myself I need to be bold.
Ask for what I want.
“Can I talk to you?”
That’s how I approach him, and I know he’s surprised. He looks me up and down slowly, as if he’s undressing me with his eyes, which I always thought was a totally gross saying, but no. It’s true. That’s exactly how he’s examining me, and my skin is growing warmer the more his gaze lingers on particular spots.
There’s the warm and fuzzy feelings. The tingling. It only happens when I’m with Asher Davis.
“No hey, how you doing, huh, Callahan? You’re just ready to get down to it?” His tone is amused, yet…