I grab a blush-pink velvet scrunchie from my bedside table and throw my hair into a sloppy bun. Slip on my favorite flip-flops and skip down the stairs, clutching my phone in my right hand. If my parents knew Ash Davis was at our house, they would be furious. I’m not allowed to have a boy at the house alone. That rule goes without saying. I’m not even allowed to have my boyfriend in my room when the entire family is in the house.
My parents are super strict, but it never actually feels like they are. I’ve never been tempted to break the rules. Only when I first started high school did I go through a tiny rebellious streak. I was so mad over us moving, and losing all of my friends. I hated living in this stupid small town, in this stupid giant house.
Now, I’m happy. I like it here. I like school, I have lots of friends and I have a boyfriend who really cares about me. And I care about him too. So much, I’m going to tell this asshole waiting for me outside that he needs to leave. What happened last night was a huge mistake and while we can’t take it back, we can move in and pretend it never happened.
Yep. That’s exactly what I’m going to say to him.
I unlock and then throw open the front door to find Ash already standing on my porch, his expression serious.
Dead serious.
“How did you know about Mia?”
Blinking, I take a step back, clutching the door handle. “Word gets around.”
“Tell me who told you. I don’t remember seeing anyone there from school.” He sounds angry, and isn’t that a riot considering I’m the one who should be angry with him.
“It was—one of my friends. That’s who.”
One eyebrow arches. “That Kaya chick?”
“I thought you didn’t know Kaya.”
“Of course I know Kaya. She’s your best friend, right? Goes out with Jaden?” When I nod, he snaps his fingers. “That’s who saw me.”
“It doesn’t matter. Clearly you’ve moved on. Go be with Mia instead.” I start to shut the door, but Ash inserts his foot, stopping me.
“Wait.” I glare at him, but he doesn’t remove his foot. “Hear me out.”
I huff out an aggravated breath. “You’ve got five minutes.”
“I ran into Mia in front of the movie theater. She started hanging on me like she does and I was trying to get away from her. That’s probably when your little friend saw me,” he explains.
“You don’t need to tell me all this. I’m not your keeper. If you want to be with Mia, go be with her,” I say, nudging at his foot with my own. But it still doesn’t budge.
“I don’t want to be with her.” He hesitates, exhaling loudly, his shoulders sagging with the sound and my heart leaps to my throat. “I want…”
His voice drifts and this time I kick at his shoe. Which is stupid, because I’m in flip-flops and that hurt like a mother. “Just spit it out,” I say through clenched teeth, my big toe throbbing.
“You.”
I go completely still. My heart is beating so hard it’s making my head throb. No way did I hear him correctly. “What?”
“You. I want you.” Another hesitation and he glances down at the ground for a moment, his mouth kicking up on one side as he stares at my injured, wiggling big toe. “Mia doesn’t mean shit to me.”
“No one means shit to you,” I remind him.
He looks up, the smile fading. “You do.”
“Ash, you don’t even know me,” I start, but he interrupts me.
“I know you. I know you better than you think. I know you like to laugh, because you do it a lot. You have a lot of friends because you’re nice to everybody.”
“I thought they were nice to me because they want to get closer to my dad,” I say sarcastically.
“You know that’s not true.”
We both remain quiet until I remind him, “You have two minutes.”
“Your favorite food is pizza. You have a Starbucks addiction. You are the loudest person on the cheer team. Sometimes when I’m out on the field, I can hear your voice over everyone else’s. When you’re worried, you get this little crease between your eyebrows, and every time I see it, I want to smooth my fingers over that spot to help you relax.”
My heart pangs when he says that.
“You take on a lot of projects, because you like to stay busy. When you’re not busy, you think too much, or you get bored. You’d rather be on the go than alone with your thoughts,” he continues.
My fingers curl around the door handle, so tight it hurts. His words are hitting too close. How does he know all this?
“You think you’re happy with Ben Murray, but that guy is a wimp, Callahan. He just goes along with whatever you say, and you need someone who challenges you.” He kicks at the door and I automatically open it a little wider. “Someone like me.”
I do not need to be with someone like him. Someone like him would break me.
I know it.
“You’re not allowed in the house,” I say, my voice quiet. I’m purposely trying to change the subject. I don’t want to talk about what he just confessed.
“Anyone home?” He peers into the open space, looking to the left, then the right.
Should I tell him the truth? Or lie?
“It’s sure quiet in there,” he observes, and I know he knows the truth.
“No one’s home,” I admit like the dumb girl I am.
“Ah.” He nods, and I can see he’s happy about this.
“I’m not allowed to have anyone over when my parents aren’t here,” I admit.
“Even Ben?”
“Especially Ben.”
“Don’t they know you’ll figure out a place to do it no matter what? The back seat of a car, the bathroom by the biology building—”
“Gross!” He would say that.
Ash grins. “You know lots of people have had sex by the biology building.”
“Not me.”
“Oh really?” He shoves his hands in his pockets, tipping forward. “Where do you like to have sex then?”
“I am so not having this conversation.” I make to shut the door on his foot and he pulls it out at the last minute, causing the door to slam so hard it rattles the house. “Go away!”
“I just poured my heart out to you and that’s what you have to say to me?” He sounds incredulous.
“You don’t have a heart, remember?”
“Yeah, because you stole it.”
Twelve
What he said is so sappy, so unbelievable, I’m tempted to call bullshit.
There’s another part of me, though, that wants to believe it. Believe him. His observations. Everything he said, his tone, the sincerity in his eyes…that dark sliver buried deep inside me is totally falling for it. Falling for him. I don’t know when he noticed, or how closely he’s been observing me, but he was right, pretty much with all of it.
Except for the part about Ben. Ben’s too good for me. And I know it.
Especially now. After everything I’ve done.
“You gonna give it back to me or not?” Ash yells.
I slowly open the door. “Give you back what?”