Maybe, if I’m lucky, my football skills and my grade point average will be my ticket out of the hellhole that’s my life.
I collapse on top of my bed with my homework, determined to focus, but my mind drifts. I think about Autumn.
When do I not think about Autumn?
She is gorgeous. Sexy as fuck. A little mean. A lot sweet. She hates me, and I antagonize her whenever I’m near her, which only makes it worse. I don’t know why she can’t admit that she likes me. I lay it all on the line for her, and she turns me away every single time.
I’m also the one who says something stupid when I’ve got her in my arms, making her run away. Am I afraid when we get too close? Is that my problem? She’s on a whole different level compared to me. She’s rich and beautiful. She can have anything she wants.
No way would she want me. I’m broke. Broken, really. Bad. Her dad is a good coach. He’s worked with me one on one, given me plenty of attention and pointers and lectures, and all of it seems to come from a good place. I don’t feel like he wants something more from me. He just wants to help.
It’s weird, someone giving you something and not expecting anything in return. I’m used to takers. Mom’s a taker. So is her asshole boyfriend. So are all my stupid friends. I tried to make nice with coach’s son Jake, but that guy just glares at me like I’m his worst enemy and he wishes I’d go drown myself in the lake.
So I leave him alone.
I should leave his sister alone too. There’s something between us, but it would never last long. It would definitely burn bright and hot, but then I’d say or do something and ruin it all. Autumn Callahan is not for me.
I need to remember that.
We were a perfect match,
But sadly, matches burn.
(unknown)
Senior Year
Fifteen
Autumn
“For once in my life, I feel so grown up, you know? Like I’m an actual, real-life adult.” I turn to look at my best friend, who’s frowning at me like I’ve lost my mind. Kaya and I are walking through the senior parking lot, heading toward my car. We’ve been back at school for around a month, and now that we’re seniors, we can go off campus for lunch. Which we do on an almost daily basis. This newfound freedom is exhilarating.
I can’t wait until I leave for college. Talk about freedom.
“You feel grown up because you broke Ben’s heart?” Kaya asks incredulously.
I restrain myself from rolling my eyes or worse, saying something I might regret. She’s still Team Ben, and while I appreciate her feelings about Ben and that she likes him so much, I would love it if she were actually more loyal to me. “We can’t all have perfect relationships like you and Jaden.”
She scoffs. “Please. Jaden and I aren’t perfect.”
“You two are the epitome of the ideal high school relationship.”
“Ugh, that’s so obnoxious, right?” Kaya sends me a look. “I feel obnoxious, at least. I know we annoy people.”
“When you’ve been the it couple your entire high school life, yeah, it’s a little obnoxious,” I say teasingly. I hit the keyless remote and my Jeep doors unlock. I didn’t want to be that girl at school with the rich parents who buy her whatever car she wants, but I can’t help it that my parents surprised me with my dream car over the summer. Before they gave me the Jeep Wrangler, I’d been driving my mom’s old Lexus. And when I say old, I mean it was like a 2017, so it was practically brand new.
It was such a mom car, though. They traded it in for the Jeep, and I about screamed my head off when they surprised me with it right after the Fourth of July. I treat the Jeep like it’s my baby and my friends make fun of me, but I don’t care.
I know I’m spoiled. My brothers and sister are too. But our parents also make us work for our privileges. And I’m not talking about an actual job either. They want us to concentrate on school. Our grades slip, and phones are taken away. Or cars. Jake turns sixteen next year and then they’ll have two drivers. Jake is so reckless, I don’t know if they want him behind the wheel.
Jake is also super popular. More popular than I am, that’s for sure. He’s the star of the junior varsity football team. Everyone seems to like him—teachers and students alike. Even some of my more casual girlfriends want to be friends with Jake—or they want to be with him.
That’s just weird.
Kaya and I climb into my Jeep, and I start the engine, carefully pulling out of the parking lot. There are eyes everywhere, and I’m talking about school administration. They make sure we don’t speed out of the parking lot or drive over curbs. People in the community will call the school and report teenage drivers whenever they see someone speeding or driving like a total ass.
Sometimes, it feels like you can’t get away with anything in a small town.
“I kept talking about me and Jaden when I didn’t mean to,” Kaya says as I pull onto the street. We’re headed for our favorite sandwich shop in town, and we’re going to meet Daphne there. “Tell me why you feel like such a grown up.”
“Well.” I clutch the steering wheel, keeping my eyes on the road. “It’s because I made the very grown-up decision of breaking up with Ben before things got too deep.”
“What do you mean? I thought you guys were in pretty deep with each other, if you know what I mean.” Kaya waggles her brows.
Honestly? It wasn’t that deep. Our relationship bored me. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a decent guy, he was a good boyfriend, he never did anything wrong. But there was no real spark between us. No fire, no passion. I always thought of Ben as a great friend who I could make out with, and I realized over the summer, that’s not enough.
I want more. Maybe I can’t find that here, so hopefully I’ll find it in college.
“We never had sex,” I confess to Kaya.
“Say what? Are you kidding me?” She’s squealing, so loudly she’s making me wince. “I thought you two already had!”
“Nope.” I shake my head. Oh, we touched each other when we kissed, but all of it was hands-over-clothes type touching. Nothing too scandalous. “He never really tried to—pursue it.”
“Pursue what?”
“Sex, Kaya.” This time I do roll my eyes as I make a right on the street the sandwich shop is on. “He never really tried to take it to the next level.”
“Really? Huh.” Kaya seems surprised.
I don’t know why. I’ve given her plenty of information about my relationship with Ben. The writing’s been on the wall for a long time—we’re not meant to be. We’re better off as friends. I know that sounds like a total cliché and a line of bullshit, but it’s true. And though Ben was disappointed and made a halfhearted attempt at asking me if we could try to make it work, we ended up both agreeing we’re better off as friends.
Which is cool, you know? I’d rather be his friend than have him be a mortal enemy. I do care about him. A lot. I just know that we didn’t work as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Hopefully he feels the same way.