Home > Still Beating(43)

Still Beating(43)
Author: Jennifer Hartmann

“Fine, they’re fuckin’ cute. I’m not a stone cold monster. I’m just confused.” I scratch my head, cocking it to the side as I try to process it all. “Aren’t they… messed up?”

I realize that was the wrong terminology when Cora’s head snaps back over to me. “Not anymore messed up than us. Are you saying we don’t deserve to be loved and cared about because of what happened?”

Shit. She got me there. I fill my cheeks with air and shrug my shoulders, letting out a slow breath. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I just thought they might be aggressive or have some issues, you know?”

Cora swings her head back and forth, glancing at the resting animals. “They had a full assessment and the vet doesn’t think they were abused. Just severely neglected. They’re very attached to each other, so they came as a bonded pair.”

A bonded pair. They aren’t the only ones.

She smiles, wistfully. “I guess you were right about me getting two dogs.”

My own smile stretches across my face. Her heart is even bigger than I thought. “I guess so.”

“They’re the sweetest. I’ve only had them for a couple of hours, but I think they knew everything was going to be okay the second they stepped inside the house,” Cora says. “It’s like they knew they were home.”

My smile turns contemplative as I watch her, her bare toes curling into the shag rug, a far off look in her eyes. It’s funny how home can mean one thing one day and something entirely different the next. I think that’s because home isn’t a place—it’s a feeling.

“Have you talked to Mandy lately?”

My daydreams disintegrate at the mention of Mandy’s name. I chew on my tongue, realizing Cora doesn’t know yet. “Uh… yeah.”

Cora begins busying herself around the living room, fluffing pillows and folding a blanket. “She was supposed to come over last night to watch a movie with me, but she never showed up. She hasn’t replied to my texts either, which is weird. She’s usually glued to her phone.” Cora breezes into the kitchen for a bottle of glass cleaner and starts spritzing the coffee table, wiping it down with a fresh rag. “Maybe she had to work late and forgot.”

“She didn’t tell you?”

Cora stands up straight to face me, adjusting her tunic that dipped down her chest. “Tell me what?”

Damn. I was hoping I didn’t have to have this conversation twice. I’m still recovering from that look of utter devastation in Mandy’s eyes, and I have no idea how Cora is going to react to the news. “I broke up with her yesterday.”

Cora stares at me, unblinking, and the rag slips from her hand.

“I figured she told you. It was a rough night, and she didn’t handle it well—obviously. And I just think—”

“Undo it.”

I frown as I meet her eyes. “What?”

Cora pulls her cell phone out of her waistband and storms over to me, slapping the phone against my chest. “Undo it.”

I catch it and hand it back to her. “No. What are you talking about?”

She spins away, her shoulders heaving up and down as emotions consume her. Cora is silent for a few beats, her ragged breaths the only sound permeating the air around us.

I reach out to touch her shoulder. “Cora…”

Cora flies back around on her heels with wild eyes. “Is it because of me? Did you break my sister’s heart because of me?”

“No.” I have no idea why she’s so pissed off. “This has nothing to do with us.”

“You’re lying.”

I stare at her, confounded. “Jesus, Cora, what the hell? I just… we don’t work anymore. I can’t pretend there’s something there when there’s not. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”

She hugs her arms around her chest, stepping towards me with icy purpose. “You’re so stupid.”

“Excuse me?” Cora storms away down the hall, and I follow, my anger flaring. “Cora!”

“I said you’re stupid!” she repeats over her shoulder.

“Why are you acting like this?” I call after her, pushing against her bedroom door just before she slams it in my face. I barge inside. “You’re being ridiculous!”

“Fifteen years!” she shouts, whirling around, her ponytail following and catching on her lip gloss. She shoves her hair aside, tears brimming in her eyes. “You just gave up fifteen years.”

“You’d prefer I give up twenty? Thirty? If I know it’s not meant to be, why would I string her along when she can start over and find happiness?” I counter, throwing my arms up.

“You’re a coward.”

“What?” I shake my head with a contemptuous laugh. “First I’m stupid, now I’m a coward. Thanks.”

“Yes,” she spits out, stepping right up to me until we’re toe to toe. “You’re a stupid coward, too scared to put in the work. Did you go to couple’s counseling? Anything? Did you even try, Dean?”

“Fucking stop it. You don’t get it.”

“You were supposed to marry her! How could you do this?” Cora cries as the flood gates open and her tears begin to fall. “You were happy. You were happy before…” She trails off, rolling her jaw and dropping her eyes to the floor.

I scrub my palms over my face with a sigh. “I was happy, but I wasn’t happy. When you spend three weeks convinced your life is about to be over, you tend to do a lot of soul searching and reevaluating. Mandy and I were getting by, but we weren’t thriving. There was no passion.”

“Passion? You’re throwing away fifteen years for passion?”

“I didn’t throw away shit!” I yell back. “They were a good fifteen years and I have no regrets, but we ran our course.”

“Because of me.”

“No, Cora, because I’m not in love with your sister anymore.”

“Stop lying!” she shouts, her voice laced with desperation, almost panicked. “I was right about what I said in the car that night. This is toxic. This is wrong. We shouldn’t even be contacting each other. Mandy’s life is ruined and it’s all my fault.” Cora starts to sob into her hands. “I can never forgive myself.”

“Corabelle, stop…” I try reaching for her again, but she pulls away like I’m going to burn her.

“Don’t touch me. I can’t even look at you.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s true, okay?” Her voice breaks, shuddering and quivering and full of defeat. “Something happened between us that last day. I felt it, too. And I thought it was just some screwed up defense mechanism that I’d leave behind in that basement… but dammit, Dean, it followed me. I still feel it.” She looks up, boldly finding my eyes. “It’s destroying everything, and I hate you for it.”

My hand cups her face as my heart constricts inside my chest. “Corabelle…”

She slaps my arm away. “Don’t call me that. Don’t touch me. Just leave me alone.”

“You don’t hate me.”

“Yes, I do!” Cora’s pitch rises as new tears break through, then she shoves me backwards. “I hate you. I always have.”

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