A rhythm is established, and all is well….
Until the day before Jax is scheduled to get his tonsils out.
It’s a Saturday. Jess picks me up from work right at one p.m. She’s acting weird, but it’s Jess. She’s probably high on orgasms or something. (Is that a thing?) She blasts Cardi B on the way to the hospital—lip-synching and gyrating in her seat the whole time—and when I get out, she winks and blows me a kiss.
Definitely the orgasms. (Do she and Ness ever have conversations?)
But then Mama’s more cheery than usual too. She and Jax are playing Uno when I get upstairs, but she positively beams when she sees me.
I stop just inside the door. Baffled.
“Oh look, my darling Rico is here!” she twitters like a drunken songbird.
“Umm…hi?”
Jax snorts.
“You’re right on time!” She turns to Jax. “Uno and out, kid.”
“Aww, man, not again!”
“Better luck next time.” And she ruffles his hair before rising to grab her bag.
This would all be well and good if not for the big kiss she gives me on her way out the door. My mama is not a kisser. Yes, provided everything goes according to plan with the tonsillectomy, Jax will be discharged two days from now. But there’s still the issue of looming unpayable bills, including an impending one from this hospital.
Hardly anything to be cheerful about.
“See ya laaaater,” she says, and she does a little shimmy as she leaves the room.
I don’t even—
Whatever. Never mind.
I sit. Pull out the book I’ve been reading.
Open.
“You should probably get a nap,” Jax says from across the room.
“Why would I need a nap?”
“Z-man will be here before you know it.”
Quick watch check. “Z-man isn’t scheduled to arrive for six hours and forty-three minutes.”
Jax shrugs. “Okay.”
Again: What. Ev. Er.
I open my book. I will read and forget where I am: classic escapism.
Except then I do fall asleep. Zan strokes my cheek with the back of his index finger to wake me up the way he always does when I fall asleep here. (Have I been out that long?)
I reach up, grab said finger, and kiss it the way I’ve been doing lately.
“So is this what goes on in front of the kid when I’m not here?”
I sit up straight, eyes wide.
Zan: blushing. (As usual.)
Mama: garment bag draped over an arm, eyebrow raised.
Ness: trying not to laugh.
Jess: looking like she’s about to explode from excitement.
When I sit up, Jess starts clapping and squealing. That’s when I notice her twirly swirly hairdo.
“What the fu—”
“RICO!” Mama turns redder than I knew possible for her.
What. Is. Happening?
“Come, come.” Jess comes over and grabs my hand. “Lots to do, little time. We need to be fashionably late, of course, but if we get too fashionable, no one will see us come in—”
“What?”
Jess looks at Zan—who’s got this ultra-smug grin on his face—and then back at me. “You really don’t know why we’re here?”
“Can’t say I got the memo.”
“Okay…” She looks at Zan again. Panicked? “But you know what’s happening tonight, so you can surely put two and two together.”
I just stare.
“Pay up, Barlow.” Zan sticks out his hand.
“No way.” Jess shakes her head. “There is absolutely no way she doesn’t know.”
“I told you she wouldn’t have a clue. Now pay up.”
Jess’s brows furrow. “I mean, I know you’re a little antisocial….” She cocks her head. “You really don’t know?”
“I know this is getting annoying,” I say.
That makes Jax laugh. With all the brouhaha, I forgot we’re in his hospital room.
“You will pay me,” Zan says.
“Whatever.” She crosses her arms and glares at me like I did something wrong.
So confused.
Zan goes on: “Mr. Montgomery, if you will, please?”
Finesse reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a rolled-up paper—actually, based on the color of the thing, parchment is probably more accurate—tied with a red ribbon.
From his front pocket, he produces a kazoo. Of all things. Dun dunnadun dun-dun-dun DUUUUUUN! he toots. Ribbon comes off. Parchment unrolled. “Lady Rico Reneé Danger, art thou present?”
Uhh…“Yes?”
“Superb.” He clears his throat and lifts the parchment to read. “Hear ye, hear ye: the illustrious and dashingly handsome Sir Alexander Gustavo of House Macklin hath traveled far, wide, high, and deep, over mountains, through valleys, and into and out of the churning belly of a volcano, for the sake of presenting thou, O beautiful and brazen Lady Rico Reneé of House Danger, with a most heartfelt and positively irresistible proposition. Hast thou the ear to hear?” Parchment lowered.
What did he even just say? “I hast?” Wait…“Hath? Hasteth?” Zan buries his mouth in his shoulder the way he does when he’s trying not to laugh at me. “Whatever. I have an ear. Two actually. Now what is going on?” And why am I so nervous?
“Sir Zanny Zan, if you will, please?”
Zan steps forward and takes a knee in front of me. Jess squeals again, bouncing on her toes. Mama rolls her eyes but is totally smiling too. “You kids are ridiculous.”
“Lady Danger,” Zan begins, “for the duration of the quarter-year previous, thou hast been unto me the likeness of the brightest sun on the clearest day.”
“Oh brother,” from Jax.
Mama cuts him a look that could wither all the foliage in the room.
Zan goes on. “As I was saying, there is none more pure of heart, mind, nor beauty in all this vast and treacherous wilderness known as life.”
“Oh my God, Zan.”
He smiles. “Your right hand, please.”