Elaine chuckled and poured cereal into two bowls. Phil had a second helping. She seemed to have had more than her fair share of second helpings with Elaine, but now she began to fidget. Oh God, no. She knew the feeling only too well. She wanted it to go away, but it always happened––that unpleasant heat surging through her body, and then the buzzing in her head, almost like she was about to have a panic attack. She thought it might be different with Elaine. She’d hoped it would be. She longed to feel normal. Perhaps I should see a therapist? But they weren’t open on Sundays. She knew she’d have to leave soon, but she couldn’t just up and walk out. No. That wouldn’t be fair to Elaine. She took in some deep breaths and tried to relax.
Elaine topped up her coffee mug. She ran her nails down Phil’s arm and took hold of her hand. Elaine was getting tactile. Phil couldn’t do tactile the morning after. She didn’t do it between the hours of ten in the morning and nine at night, unless she wanted something. Then it came into play at any time.
Elaine smirked. “Do you remember when we first met?”
Phil straightened her back and rolled her shoulders. Focus. “Of course I do. It was New Years’ Eve at the club. I kissed you at midnight, and it was the most memorable kiss of the evening. I only wished I’d been sober enough to take it further. How could I forget?” She winced inwardly at the white lie.
“Yes, I wish you’d been more sober too. We wouldn’t have wasted all these months. We could make up for it,” she said as she walked around to Phil. “I haven’t got anything planned for the rest of the day.”
This was one of those awkward moments she always tried to avoid. A part of her wanted to stay. After all, she’d had a great time, and she truly liked Elaine, but like always, there was something missing. She inhaled and tried for a genuine smile. “There’s nothing I’d like more, but I have to be back home early tonight, and I have some business to discuss with Cass first.”
Elaine pouted. “Maybe next time, eh?”
Phil put an arm around her waist. “Without a doubt. I promise I’ll make it up to you.” She glanced at her watch again, then pulled Elaine closer and kissed her tenderly. “I’m sorry about dashing off. Can I see you again? I’ll be back in London, and I’d love to meet up.” Why did I say that? Was it guilt? Or because Elaine was a good person and part of her meant it? Or perhaps she was just keeping the door open. Maybe next time she wouldn’t get a fit of anxiety.
Elaine seemed to perk up. “Sure, I’d like that. Here’s my landline and mobile number.” She passed Phil her card. “Call me…whenever.”
Elaine seemed reluctant to call her a taxi and managed to delay her for as long as she could. As she kissed Elaine and walked out of the door, she felt a mixture of remorse and relief. She desperately wished someone could find her a cure. Somehow, she doubted there was one.
When she got back to Cass’s house, Cass and Rebecca were sitting on the sofa reading newspapers and drinking coffee. It looked civilised. And boring.
Rebecca jumped up. “I have some calls to make. Will you two excuse me?”
Cass stared at Phil and sniggered. “I don’t know how you do it, honey, but judging by your demeanour, I’d say you had a good night?”
Phil smirked. “Pretty damned good. I thank you, my friend, from the heart of my bottom. I hope to be using this dating agency again.”
“Glad to be of assistance. So, how did it go?”
“Absolutely fantastic.” A bit over the top. She flopped down on the couch opposite Cass, closed her eyes and relaxed in the quiet of the apartment.
“Are you going to keep in touch with her?”
“Of course. I said I’d see her again when I’m next in London.”
Cass threw her one of her dubious glances. “What year will that be? Remember you aren’t getting any younger.”
“What? You mean I should be grateful for Elaine’s attention? Shit. I only had my fortieth a few months ago.”
Cass’s eyes widened. “Sure. And some.”
Phil ignored her comments and changed the subject. “So, you two look serious, sitting there reading your newspapers together. Is it the real thing? Do I hear wedding bells chiming?”
“God, you’re such a cynic, Phil.”
“No, I’m not. I just haven’t found the right person yet. Sometimes I wonder if I ever will. I mean, how do you know?”
Cass leaned back. “When I met Rebecca, I felt so at ease with her. There was no pretence. I just had to be me. Sometimes we’d talk in depth, and yet other times it didn’t seem necessary to say a word.”
Hadn’t she felt that with Elaine until the dreaded hysteria arrived? Perhaps everyone felt the same but managed to overcome it. Maybe she wasn’t trying hard enough? “So what about the sex? Does it change after a while? Doesn’t it get same old, same old?”
“Hell, no. Like every relationship initially, sex is all consuming. It was perfect. Then I remember the first morning we had breakfast together. We looked across the table at each other, and I knew instantly that she was the one. All I can say is, when you find love, you’ll know it. You could do a lot worse than Elaine. She’s a lovely girl. She’s ambitious, kind, thoughtful, and of course the added bonus is she’s crazy about you. Wouldn’t it be uncanny if you two got together? Just imagine the four of us, eh? You, me, Elaine, and Rebecca. That would be perfection.”
Phil nodded and gave a half-smile. She could see the way things were going. Before long they’d have her moving back to London and shacking up with Elaine. She’d be in the same rut they were in. Still, they did seem happy. However, she hadn’t looked across the breakfast table and thought Elaine was the one. All she’d wanted was to get out of there, and that definitely wasn’t what Cass was talking about.
Later, she caught her train back home. She tried to read but couldn’t concentrate. She’d had a great weekend, but as far as she was concerned, in the end, all it had been was uncomplicated sex with someone she’d fancied. She was saddened by the admission. She would have loved to have felt more for Elaine. But she didn’t.
Chapter Four
It didn’t take long for Kim to realise her future wasn’t in Manchester. Everything had changed after she’d lost her father. She was unsettled and needed a fresh start. Only problem was, where, and what? First thing’s first. She made a call to her business partner, Rick, and arranged for him to come around. When he arrived, he’d only just got through the door and Kim thrust a glass of wine into his hand. “Here, I think you’re gonna need this.”
Rick placed a kiss on Kim’s cheek. “Bugger. You’re leaving me, aren’t you?”
Kim’s eyes widened. “How did you guess?”
“Because your heart’s not in it anymore.”
Kim sat down on the sofa, and Rick sat in one of the armchairs. He was so right. “I owe you, buddy. I know you’ve carried me over the last year. Things haven’t been easy for either of us.” She sighed. “I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I want to sell my share of the business.”