After a long pause, she closed her book and looked out the window.
“Tell me.”
She set the book on the table and got to her feet, finally looking at me for the first time in days, really looking at me. Her eyes took in my features, having that hint of emotion that had been absent for a while. She walked toward me then moved past me into the living room.
My heart started to ache. Our foundation was still there, rock-solid, but she was different…and I couldn’t figure out why. Not knowing something about her scared me because I always knew every thought that came across her complex mind.
I dropped my arms and turned around.
She stood in the middle of the living room, her arms crossed.
The longer she stayed quiet, the more uncomfortable I became. “What did I do?”
She ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. “Nothing.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
She lifted her gaze and looked into mine.
I waited, holding my breath.
“We can’t do this for the rest of our lives.” One hand slid up and down her arm, lightly touching her soft skin. “Can you do this for the rest of your life?”
I gave her a blank stare.
She stepped closer to me. “Because I can’t.”
I looked for further explanation in her eyes because I didn’t understand her words. “I don’t understand your meaning, ma petite amie.”
Her eyes softened. “Look, if you want us to be together, things have to change. If you want to be with me, really be with me, then our lives have to be different.”
My eyes shifted back and forth as I focused on her face. “If I want to be with you? What the fuck does that mean? What the fuck have I been doing since the moment we met? I’ve been with you, even when we were apart, even when I was with another woman, because my heart has always been with you.”
She raised her voice when I raised mine. “And this will just be our lives forever?” she asked incredulously. “Going back and forth between here and the camp? Years will pass and we’ll age, but we’ll never really live? What about spending our lives together and having a family? How the fuck are we supposed to do that like this?”
“I’ve never spoken of marriage and kids to you.”
“No. But it’s a requirement to be with me, so you’ll do it.”
My eyes narrowed. “We’re getting way ahead of ourselves here—”
“Shut the fuck up, Magnus. We’ve only known each other for months, but we’ve experienced more than couples together for a lifetime. The scar on my stomach will never go away, a reminder that I was willing to give up my life for yours. How many people can say that? We’ve suffered through unspeakable shit, and we’re still together. If that hasn’t pulled us apart, then what will?”
I clenched my jaw because I was furious and I didn’t know why. “You’re talking about a dream that I can’t give you. You know that. So yes, this will be our lives indefinitely.”
She shook her head, her eyes watery. “How can you watch your girlfriend go back and forth, almost be raped twice, be tortured—and you just allow it to happen?”
“I don’t allow it. I’ve tried—”
“We’ll never really be together until you change it.”
I shook my head, my teeth clenched. “I will get Fender to release you eventually—”
“That doesn’t solve the problem, Magnus. Even if he excused both of us, we’d never be happy. How could we ever forget what’s happening at that camp every single day we’re free? I could never forget it, so I could never really live. We could never have the life together that we want.”
“What the fuck do you expect me to do about that?” If I could give her the world, I would. Tears had fallen from my eyes when I was pinned to the floor and listening to her scream my name. I hated that she had to be in that camp when I wanted her to have the freedom I’d already busted my ass to give her.
She turned quiet, breathing hard. “I expect you to stop it.”
“Stop it, how?”
“Whatever way you can.”
I shook my head. “We talked about this. I won’t kill my brother—”
“Then convince him to do it in a different way.”
“You know I’ve already tried. He won’t change his mind.”
“Then you make him change it,” she snapped. “How can I spend my life with the man who’s been part of such a horrible place?”
She’d just stabbed me with a knife.
“I need you to redeem yourself…fully.”
“You said I’m not like them.”
“And I stand by that. But for us to be together and move on, you need to make this right. You need to free those girls and not let new ones replace them—”
“In case you haven’t noticed, there is terrible shit going on all over the world.” I was pissed she was holding all this over my head, using my feelings for her as leverage. “You expect me to stop that too?”
“No, because you aren’t a part of that.”
I dragged my hands down my face, calming myself before I said something I regretted. “I do this, or you leave me?”
“No…I said nothing about leaving. I’m not going anywhere—ever.” Her eyes filled with wetness. “But I’ll never let you in further. We’ll always be as we are…but never more. And you have no idea how much I want more. I don’t just want my freedom, but I want to spend that freedom with you.”
My hands moved to my hips, my eyes down.
She stared at me.
I ignored her look.
“Magnus.”
I kept my gaze on the floor in defiance for minutes before I raised my chin and looked at her.
“I know you. I know your soul. And I know that you want to do the right thing anyway…” The emotion in her eyes changed into a look of longing, like I was the hero of her heart, I was the man who wouldn’t just keep her safe, but everyone. She gave me a cape with only her eyes. “I know that’s what you want, even if I didn’t ask you to.”
We walked together down the sidewalk, the cafes and bistros lit up with couples, friends, and family enjoying the summer evening in the most glorious city in the world. People passed us on the sidewalk as we made our way to the restaurant she’d chosen. We’d never gone out to dinner together, usually cooking in the apartment and having a quiet evening at the dining table. But she’d asked me to take her out—and I said yes.
She was in a black cocktail dress and heels with a small purse hanging off her shoulder even though she didn’t have keys or a wallet. She only had a few bills inside, money I had given her and forced her to take.
She suddenly moved her hand to mine and interlocked our fingers.
I looked down at her beside me, still shorter than my height in her heels, and then I looked forward again. My hand gave her a gentle squeeze.
A soft smile moved into her lips, and she looked up at me.
I stared at her, seeing the way her eyes lit up in affection once more, brighter than the Eiffel Tower nearby, brighter than the Christmas trees in the windows during the holidays. She was the only woman who ever looked at me that way, who could make me feel special without saying a word.