Part of my life had ended, but it didn’t quite feel over.
I still dreamed about it. I could still feel the dry wood under my fingertips from the railings down the steps. I could still hear Alix’s voice even though he was dead. I could still smell the trees, feel the breeze, see the Alps every time I closed my eyes. My time at the camp was so dark that I felt like it would never truly leave me. Horrible things that I’d seen would always be a part of me.
Raven was happy, but there was always a hint of melancholy to her presence. It seemed like she had left the past behind her.
I called my brother to check in on him and his progress, and he said Melanie had taken good care of him and he was now back on his feet, just without a purpose. Retirement didn’t serve him well, and unless he got a hobby soon, he would go crazy.
I wasn’t sure what to do with my time. Being with Raven felt like enough for me. She read in bed beside me, and I did the same. The Count of Monte Cristo was epically long, so I was still reading it, while she powered through books ten times quicker.
The two of us had dinner in the city, and after we were finished, we took a walk down the sidewalk toward the Eiffel Tower. It was lit up like a Christmas tree, a beacon of hope for all Parisians. I knew it was particularly special to Raven because she never got tired of making a visit and walking down the path with the lit trees.
We reached the grounds and walked side by side, passing other couples in the dark, enjoying their late-night decaf coffees. The first day of fall had arrived. It was hard to believe that I had known Raven for almost a year. It had passed so quickly because of all the chaos.
She suddenly stopped in front of one of the benches while staring at the tall structure rising into the darkness, its brilliant luminescence like star fire.
I stopped beside her. I was so deeply in tune with her moods and body language that I knew she had something to say, that it’d been on her mind for weeks. I didn’t rush her to share because I knew she would come to me when she was ready. Now, I looked down at the side of her face and watched her eyes light up as they reflected the tower.
She finally turned her head and looked at me. “There’s something I need you to do.”
I stared, focused on her blue eyes, and waited for more.
“All your wealth comes from their labor, their sacrifice. I can’t enjoy it, I can’t spend it, not when I know how you earned it.”
My hands remained in my pockets, and I stared at her with my unblinking gaze.
“I want you to give it to the surviving girls. I want you to give it to the families of the girls who’ve passed. I want you to pay reparations for what the camp has done to them.”
She’d just asked me for the world. “You can’t expect me to give away all my money. Some, yes. But not all.”
Her eyes were focused on my face, saying more in her silence than she did with words.
“If I gave it all away, then what? I won’t be able to take care of you anymore.”
She shook her head slightly. “I’ve never wanted you to take care of me. We take care of each other. That’s how this works.”
“We’ll have to get jobs.”
“That’s fine. I’ll go back to university and finish my education. I’ll get a job as a professor there.”
“And what will I do?” All I knew was drugs.
“You can build things. Be a contractor.”
I sighed loudly because I didn’t want to do that. “I don’t like people.”
She nodded slightly. “What about horses? You’re good with horses. You could be a trainer, caretaker.”
It wasn’t the worst idea in the world. “If I give all my money away, we won’t be able to keep Rose.”
The statement really made her emotional. “We can pay to keep her in a stable. In the meantime, we’ll work and save to buy our own land. We’ll have a house, pasture, place to raise a family. We’ll do it the right way.”
I couldn’t believe I was entertaining this idea, to give up all my money that I’d spent a decade earning…just like that. “You worked in that camp for almost a year. A portion of the pot is yours too.”
“Then we can use that for an apartment or something.”
Fender and I had worked so hard to earn back our wealth after our father pissed it all away. We were supposed to have an inheritance, have something to pass on to our kids. Now, I would have nothing…again. “You’ll leave me if I don’t do this?”
She shook her head. “No. It’s a request, not an ultimatum. But we’ll be fine, Magnus. We don’t need money to be happy. We just need each other. Let’s leave the past in the past and move into the future. Wash your hands of this completely and start over.”
All that money never really made me happy. I liked my fancy car and my estates, but I felt lonely. Raven came into my life, and all of a sudden, I was actually happy—during the times when I could be happy. Maybe she was right. Maybe I could give it all away…and be happy with her. “Okay.”
She looked at me in a way she never had before, like she fell in love with me all over again, deeper this time. She moved into me, wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me on the mouth as her fingers dug into the back of my hair. “We’ll live well. We’ll be happy.”
Thirty-Nine
I Do
The girls were upstairs getting ready.
Fender and I sat together in the sitting room, both of us wearing tuxedoes and shiny shoes. There was a bottle of scotch on the table, and we refilled our glasses and continued to drink, the sort of thing he did well in his bachelor life.
Fender swirled his glass before he looked at me. “You gave it all away. I’ll never understand that.”
I’d slipped the girls’ checks underneath their doors. To the family members who’d lost their daughter, wife, or mother, I did the same. It would never bring back the person they’d lost, but maybe it would make their life a little easier. After I gave away the first check, I realized it was the right thing to do. It made me feel sick, so I didn’t even want the money anymore. “We don’t need it.”
“Where do you live now?”
“In her old apartment. The tenant moved out, and we moved in.” It wasn’t a fancy place, but it was close to everything so we didn’t need a car, and we had a great view of the tower. It was also the place where I grew closer to her, where I had one of the most spiritual moments in my life. Maybe one day, we could buy it.
“And you’re okay with that?”
I nodded and took a drink. “It feels right.”
“Our goal was to retire. And you’re working again.”
I shrugged. “I like horses. As long as I don’t deal with people, I’m fine.”
“You could start the business again. Just do it the right way.”
I consider that so I could earn back my wealth, but it was still a dangerous business, and all I wanted was a peaceful life. I wanted simplicity. I wanted to go to work and then come home to the woman I shared my life with. “I’m not interested in that anymore.”
He looked at me over the glass as he took a drink. He didn’t seem to agree with what I had done, but my money was gone, so there was no point in making an argument. “Are you happy?”