There was truth to that. I'd had chances to punch my father several times in the decade since we left and had always restrained myself. The only difference this time was Phineas, though I preferred it if Wyatt hadn't told him that. Phin would just blame himself.
Phin turned from my parents huddled at the sidewalk. A bystander had given John an ice pack, and the sirens were so loud I wondered why we were even bothering going inside.
Still, we went back across the street with me at the lead and Wyatt as the unlucky wrangler. Phineas followed behind, though, never looking up once from his feet.
Now that the adrenaline was fading, the shame spilled in. I felt none for my father, not an ounce. But Phineas was good, pure, and kind. I'd be lucky if he ever looked at me again.
Thanks to the repair work we'd been doing, Wyatt had yet to open the bar, and it looked like that would have to wait a while longer. By the time Wyatt got us both inside, sending me to pace at the other side of the room and settling Phineas in a booth near the door, the sheriff's car was outside. He'd turned off the siren, but kept the lights running. The blues and reds revolved across the wall like lights at a dance party.
"I'll get you water and fries," Wyatt said to Phin. He popped back behind the bar into the kitchen, and I attempted to look at him without him knowing I was.
That turned out to be easier than I'd expected. Phin hadn't looked up from the table once. He looked so small and confused, like his world had been tilted to its side. And I'd done the pushing. I wanted to say I'm sorry, but just to him. My only regrets in this were his fear, his panic. And the fact that I'd changed the way he would ever look at me.
Wyatt returned with the fries and water. He'd brought Phin a lemon-lime soda as well, claiming he needed to get some sugar in him. If he didn't look up from the table soon, I'd be taking us to the hospital. "Wait here," Wyatt said. "I'm gonna check outside. They should've been here by now." The bell over the door jingled as he stepped out.
"Phin…" I said his name and stopped. What did I say? How did I make him understand that my devotion to him was the same—my love for him was the same? He knew what my parents had done, but if our places had been switched and Phin had been the one tasked with murdering his brother, he still wouldn't have done what I did today. My Phin wasn't that type.
He also wasn't mine anymore.
Not if he wouldn't even look at me.
I continued my pacing. There was nothing between us, and yet it felt like a hundred-foot brick wall stood between where he was and me.
When Wyatt returned, I expected him to come with the sheriff and cuffs. He came alone. "Show's over, folks," Wyatt said grimly. "When questioned, the dick said he'd come to town with those injuries, that the witnesses were mistaken, and you'd done nothing."
Of course he did. Because now I looked like even more of a monster in front of Phin.
"How did you guys even bump into each other?" Wyatt asked Phin before pushing the basket closer to him, a sign to start eating.
That jolted Phin enough so he at least looked up from the table. "He wanted… no… he smelled Nash on me first. Thought—knew—we'd been… close. He wanted me to get him to go to a party. No, a ceremony."
I scoffed. More manipulation, more scheming.
Phin narrowed his gaze at my sound. "How was your dad?" he asked Wyatt. "Is his face…"
"Already healing," Wyatt replied grimly. "Nash could've punched him harder if he wanted."
If I'd punched him any harder, my fist would've passed through his skull to the sidewalk beneath.
"And your mom?"
"Don't worry about her," Wyatt growled. "They're vile people, Phineas. And I'm not just saying this because I want you to forgive my brother."
At talk of forgiveness, Phin's shoulders tightened, and he dropped the fry.
I'd made up my mind. There was nothing I could say to make Phin trust me again, but there might be something I could do. I would have to hope this worked because if Phin left me, he'd take my heart and soul with him. "Wyatt, call Riley. Tell him to come down."
About thirty silent minutes later, Riley walked through the door with Bran. Jr. in his car seat. Wyatt must have told him what went down because he sat immediately at Phin's table, plopping the car seat on the tabletop nearest the wall.
Phin blinked several times. "You brought your baby to a bar."
Riley shrugged. "I know the owner."
How I envied that small smile Phin gave him.
"Phin has a point," Riley said over his shoulder. "What am I doing here?"
I walked slowly. I was still worried I'd spook Phin. "I want you to touch me, Riley. Use your power."
All the humor wiped from Riley's face, and he glowered. "Why? You've never wanted me to, Nash. I don't want to do anything that will make you hate me."
"I won't. I promise. But I know nothing I say will let Phin trust me. Will let him know how sorry I am that he was there to see that. How I would never act like that to anyone else in this world. But I won't lose him. So touch me."
Wyatt crowded in. "Brother, I don't see how confessing you wet the bed until you were twelve will help."
That wasn't my truth, but I could see how Wyatt would think my secrets were only silly or embarrassing as his had been. "Touch me, Riley. I'm asking you to. Please."
Riley sighed, looking from Phin, who hadn't spoken a word but was watching it all happen, and then back to me. "Okay. I'm with Wyatt here, but fine. If it's what you want." He pulled his sleeve back and stuck out his hand, palm up.
I grabbed it. My mouth opened, and the words burst out of me like water from a dam. "I wanted to be Alpha so much, for a few seconds, I had no problem with what they asked of us. I'd pictured killing Branson and Aver, saving Wyatt but still becoming Alpha over him. For a few seconds, I thought about it, until I saw the horror in my cousins' eyes, the horror I should have had. And I knew then that I'd been raised to be a monster. Everything that man touches turns to rot. And I can say I'm sorry for the fear I caused you, but I won't say I wish I could take it back. Because I don't. I'm glad he's hurting. He isn't hurting enough. I love you, Phineas. I—"
"Stop," Phin gasped, yanking Riley's hand out from under me. Instantly, the floating daze that had all those painful words flowing from me faded. "Stop hurting yourself." Tears filled his eyes when he finally looked up at me.
I felt something I thought I'd lost on that street. Hope.
"I was so scared. You turned into something else. It was like you couldn't hear me, like I didn't exist."
He slid out of the bench seat, and I pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry I scared you, Phin. That is inexcusable."
He kissed me like he was beginning to forgive me, like I hadn't ruined everything. I growled and deepened the kiss, holding him tightly while exploring that familiar terrain of his mouth with my tongue. My sweet Phin. I'd almost lost him today, and I wouldn't have been able to blame anyone but myself.
"Can you say the last part again? Without being under the influence of Riley's juju?" Phin asked.