“There was no excuse for what I did.” Sara’s gaze was direct and firm but her eyes glistened in the light.
“Tell me.” Crow offered an encouraging smile and leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs.
She shifted her gaze to a point over his left shoulder. “My mom had never been good with money. There were always guys moving in and out and she refused to charge them so much as a dime for rent or food or anything. Then one day the money ran out. We lost the apartment and ended up on the street.”
“It must have been hard.” He’d worked a beat in south St. Louis for several years before he made detective and Crow had seen his share of people in such situations. Unlike some of his colleagues he’d never hardened to the plight of the homeless, especially the children.
“It was horrible. I vowed that I was never going to live out of a doorway or a car ever again.” Determination ran like a steel thread through her words. “Once we were able to get a place, I decided if my mom didn’t have the guts to charge her ‘friends,’ I would. I figured out what I thought would be a fair amount, and whenever I got the chance I’d take it from their wallets—ten or twenty dollars at a time.”
He kept his face expressionless, knowing she needed him to listen more than she needed an out-pouring of sympathy.
“I suppose you think I’m terrible.” Her voice was heavy with self-condemnation.
“I think you were a little girl who did what you thought you had to do.”
“God says ‘Thou shalt not steal.’” Her blue eyes had never looked so big or so luminous. “You said before that stealing wasn’t justified.”
“I’m not anyone’s judge and jury, Sara,” he said. “You were worried about keeping a roof over your head. It’s not like you took it to buy yourself jewelry or anything.”
A shadow passed over her face. “Anyway,” she said with a smile, which even to his eyes looked forced, “now you know it all.”
Though she’d been up front with him, he still had a feeling there was something she wasn’t telling him. “Do you think your mother was aware you were taking the money?”
“Not at first.” Sara brushed a piece of lint off her sleeve. “But she found out eventually when she needed the money for rent.”
“I guess I’m not surprised she didn’t mention it to me,” he said. “It really didn’t have anything to do with what we were talking about.”
“Yeah, well…”
“I’m glad you told me, Sara,” Crow said, his tone serious and intense. “Sometimes it helps to talk. If you ever need anything, I hope you’ll call.”
Her gaze searched his face and softness crept into her eyes. “Thanks for the offer.”
Sara was a class act. She’d come so far in her short life and had a great future in front of her. If only she would realize that some things in her past were worth keeping. “Have you decided to call your mother?”
“I’m not sure,” she said with a sigh.
“She wants to see you.” He leaned forward and took her hand. “Forgiveness frees us, Sara. Think about what God would want you to do.”
Forgiveness frees us.
Sara sat at the table and stared unseeingly at her phone. Since her talk with Crow yesterday she’d been unable to stop thinking about the past. Crow believed she needed to forgive her mother. Little did he know it was the other way around.
Still, he’d specifically said her mother had wanted her to call. Sara had prayed for years that her mother would someday find it in her heart to forgive her. She had to call and find out if her prayers had been answered.
The door to the kitchen swung open and Sara looked up. She groaned to herself as James strode into the room. How could anyone look so happy at 7:00 a.m.?
Sara took a gulp of double-strength coffee. “What are you doing here?”
She’d tried to be cheery, but even to her own ears she sounded grumpy and out of sorts.
“Good morning to you, too, sunshine.” Surprisingly James didn’t seem to mind. He smiled and pulled out a chair, sitting down at the kitchen table opposite Sara. “You may not be smiling now but I guarantee you’ll be on top of the world after you hear my news.”
She couldn’t help but see the unmitigated excitement in his eyes, and despite her fatigue from a sleepless night she was intrigued. “Okay, you’ve got my attention. Lay it on me.”
“Well for starters, your latest is number five on the charts and still rising,” he said, satisfaction written all over his face.
“Are you kidding?” Sara said. “Marketing thought it would be great if we made it into the top twenty.”
“And the good news doesn’t stop there. Are you ready?”
Sara smiled at the melodramatics. “I’m ready.”
“Entertainment Today wants to do a segment on you.”
“ET wants to interview me?” Sara’s eyes flew open and she was suddenly wide-awake. “Why?”
“Be-cause,” he said, in a laughing voice, “you, my dear, are as we say in the industry, red-hot.”
“James Smith, you are simply the best.” She laughed with pure joy. “What would I do without you?”
“Sara.” His eyes darkened and his voice grew husky. He reached across the table for her but she sat back effectively moving beyond his reach.
“You’ve done a great job as my publicist, James,” Sara said. “I really appreciate all you’ve done.”
“But?” James said.
She smiled brightly, pretending not to understand. “There was no but in what I said.”
“Yes, there was.” His smile dimmed. “Let me finish your sentence. ‘You’ve done a fabulous job as my publicist, James, but that’s all you are to me.’”
“You’re a good friend, James.” She hated seeing the pain in his eyes and knowing she was the cause.
“That’s all? Just a good friend.”
Sara lifted one shoulder in a helpless shrug.
“That’s what I thought.” His voice was heavy with resignation. “At one time I hoped—”
“James, don’t,” Sara said softly.
“It’s him, isn’t it?” James’s gaze searched her eyes. “Your bodyguard?”
“This isn’t about Crow,” Sara said. “If I could have picked a man to fall in love with, it would have been you. We work in the same industry, we have a lot of the same friends but…”
Though she wanted to be truthful, Sara also wanted to be kind. But how do you tell a guy without bruising his ego that the spark isn’t there?
She started to speak but James waved her silent.
“I understand perfectly.” He paused for a long moment. “I guess I just need to know how this is going to affect our professional relationship.”
“It’s not,” Sara said immediately. “You are a terrific publicist, James. I don’t want to lose you.”
His lips quirked up, and even if his smile didn’t quite meet his eyes, she had to applaud his composure. “You just keep that in mind when my contract is up for renewal and I ask for more money.”