I found it a little sad that she didn’t think you could have both. But who was I to judge? They were happy enough and one hundred percent committed to each other and our family.
“Favorite senior year memory?”
“That one’s easy.” She smiled wistfully. “Prom. It was magical. Just how the movies portray it. Your father bought me a beautiful corsage and drove us to the school gym in his rusty old Buick. We coordinated our outfits and danced the night away with our friends. It was perfect.”
“I bet there was a rockin’ after party?”
Mom laughed softly. “There was none of that back in my day.” I didn’t believe that for a second which could only mean one thing: my parents weren’t invited, or more likely, they refused to go.
“Felicity, is everything okay?” Mom switched direction. “You seem distracted lately and I’m not going to lie, baby, it’s worrying me.”
“I’m fine, Mom.” Except I can’t stop thinking about a guy. A guy I know will break my heart if I give him even half a chance.
“Don’t drop the ball now, okay?” Her expression softened. “A lot of people think once college applications are done, senior year is a chance to let your hair down. But it’s a chance to start thinking about the future, about the kind of person you want to become.”
“Got it, Mom, hair down, future.” Her words left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“You’ve been such a good girl, Felicity. Now Hailee has a boyfriend, I worry you might lose focus. The football team are a bad influence. Athletes get so much handed to them for free but real life isn’t like that.”
“Cameron is a good guy.”
“I’m sure he is, baby.” She gave me a dubious smile. “But you want more out of life than to end up as some trophy girlfriend, don’t you?”
“Whoa, slow down.” My hands went up, my eyes wide. “We’re talking about Hailee and Cameron, not me.”
Mom came over and brushed my bangs from my face. “You’re beautiful, Felicity. Inside and out, and boys will notice that. I only hope that when they do, you choose wisely.”
“Mom, I’m a teenager. We’re supposed to screw up and get it wrong occasionally.” I laughed but it came out all strangled.
“We’re Giles’, sweetie. You know what that means.” The urge to roll my eyes was strong but I remained expressionless as she said, “Planned, prepared, and punctual. That’s all you need in life.”
“Sure thing, Mom. I’m going to head upstairs and do my homework. Get a head start.”
Her face lit up. “That’s my girl. I’ll shout you when dinner is ready.”
With a small nod, I left Mom with her plans and headed for the sanctuary of my bedroom. Inside, I kicked off my shoes, grabbed the folded scrap of paper from my bag, and dropped down on the bed. My list was a mess. Nothing planned or prepared about it. But I couldn’t deny that despite my mom’s unintentional warning, Mya’s additions made my pulse race.
* * *
1. Take up a new hobby Explore alternate career paths
2. Cut class
3. Attend a pep rally - DONE
4. Skinny dip down at the lake Get a tattoo
5. Fall asleep under the stars
6. Go to a party at Asher Bennet’s house Crash a party in style
7. Drink (actual liquor) at Bell’s – OVERDONE
8. Go to Winter Formal… with a date (not a girlfriend)
9. Hook up with a random guy First time do over
10. Fall in crazy messy love (with someone NOT JF)
11. Do not fraternize with the football team!!!
Snatching my cell off the nightstand, I found her number.
Me: So my new list...
Mya: Don’t tell me you’ve already changed your mind?
Me: No, no, it’s just my mom, she’s big on being planned and prepared...
Mya: Good thing your mom isn’t the one with the list then ;)
Me: Ha-ha! Am I silly? Is this whole thing stupid?
Mya: You’re scared?
Me: My parents have my whole life mapped out for me. What if I do the list and realize their life isn’t the one I want?
Mya: I think that’s okay. Wanting to make our parents happy is perfectly normal, but not at the expense of our own hopes and dreams.
I mulled over Mya’s words, but another text came through before I could type a reply.
Mya: Did you figure out what you’re going to do yet?
Me: No…
Mya: Okay, when you were little, what did you want to be?
Me: What does this have to do with my list?
My cell started blaring, Mya’s name flashing across the screen. “Hello?” I said.
“It might seem dumb, but just hear me out, okay?”
“Fine,” I grumbled. “I’ve always loved animals, but my parents never let me get a cat or dog. They were worried about allergies and safety and all that stuff. One summer, I found a stray dog. Scrawny undernourished little thing, but it had the cutest face and I wanted it to be mine so bad. I lured it into our garden shed, gave it some blankets and food.”
“What happened?”
Sadness washed over me. “Mom found out and made me take it to the local pound. I cried for a week.” A tiny part of me was still bitter about it all these years later.
“Dogs, really? I had you down as more of a girl scout.”
“Nope. I always wanted to be veterinary doctor.”
“So start there...”
“Start where exactly?” She was making no sense.
“You’re not sure you want to follow in your parents’ footsteps, right? So you need to figure out your own path.”
“I guess.” A heavy weight settled on my chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She chuckled softly. “Is that your way of telling me I overstepped?
“Not at all. You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.”
“Hey, what are friends for, right? I’ll see you tomorrow.”
We hung up and I stared up at the ceiling, replaying the conversation.
I’d always been the good girl. Agreeable and passive, all too willing to go along with my parents hopes and dreams for me because it was what was expected. But if senior year so far had shown me anything so far, it was that some things in life required you to take a risk. They required you to let go of all your insecurities and doubts and take a leap of faith. Maybe they would work out and maybe they wouldn’t, but at least you would know you tried.
I wanted that.
I wanted to take risks and throw caution to the wind.
I wanted to go after what I wanted. Have fun discovering a new path, one I carved for myself.
I wanted to fall head over heels in love despite everyone warning me it would only end in heartache.
God, did I want that.
But could I really do that with Jason, knowing it would never mean the same to him as it would for me?
My cell bleeped, another incoming text. I opened it eagerly expecting some more advice from Mya, but Jason’s name stared back at me.
Jason: What are you doing right now?
After typing and deleting at least three replies, I went with the truth.
Me: Lying on my bed about to start some homework.
Jason: You’re killing me, Giles. Come meet me... or better yet, I could come to you. I remember your bed... it’s comfy.