“Try me.”
Twisting his body slightly, Jason pinned me to his leather seat with those dark intense eyes of his. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.” His voice was cold. “She wasn’t supposed to—”
“You think this is Hailee’s fault?” Incredulity filled my voice. “You spent the last six years treating her—”
“I know.” Jason’s fingers jammed in his hair, tugging in frustration. “You think I don’t know that? Hailee was nothing to me, nothing, and now… now she’s in the middle of this thing with Thatcher and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I don’t know how to...” He stopped himself, pain glittering in his eyes.
“Care?” I whispered. “You don’t know how to care?”
“I’m not the good guy here, Felicity. I want to win State, graduate high school, and get the fuck out of this town and go to college. That’s it. That’s my lot. And Thatcher is fucking everything up.” The sound of his fist colliding with the steering wheel reverberated through the car. There was barely any air before but now I could hardly breathe; Jason’s anger tangible.
“I just need for it to stop. Just stop for a fucking second.” Head tipped back, he screwed his eyes shut, sucking in ragged breath after ragged breath.
“I’m here, if you want to talk.” The words shattered the silence.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Because I’m not popular? Because I don’t know what it’s like to be put on a pedestal by the entire town? You’re right,” I gave a little sigh, “I don’t know what it’s like. But that doesn’t mean I don’t understand what pressure feels like.”
Jason’s eyes slid to mine, filled with a rare glimmer of vulnerability I knew not many people, if any, got to see. “Sometimes it feels like I can’t breathe without the whole town watching.” Surprise flashed across his face, as if he couldn’t believe he’d said the words.
I waited, hoping he’d give me more. Hoping he’d let me in. But his stone mask was already back in place.
Jason was tortured. Over Hailee. Over his dad and her mom having an affair. His mom leaving. Carrying the weight of the team. The rivalry with Rixon East. It all sat squarely on his shoulders. And although I didn’t want to understand him, to try to figure out what went on inside of the head of Rixon’s prodigal son of football, part of me got it. Because although it wasn’t the same, although I didn’t have the pressure of an entire town rooting for me and my future; I had my parents’ pressure. And sometimes that alone was almost too much to bear.
“Sometimes, when it all gets too much, I make a list.” The words were out before I could stop them.
“A list?” Jason snorted.
“Yeah, it helps me process things.”
“And these lists,” his voice was drenched in sarcasm, “What do you put on them?”
“Anything really. Sometimes I use them to help me organize my life: to do lists, grocery store lists, homework lists—”
“You have a list for homework.” His brow went up and then he smirked. “Of course you do. What else?”
“Celebrities I’d like to date, books I want to read, that kind of thing.”
“And your senior year bucket list?”
“How did you...? Asher,” I groaned. “Asher told you.” I felt my cheeks burn.
“Don’t worry. He didn’t tell me what’s on the list.”
Because he didn’t know. He and Cameron had overheard me talking to Hailee about it once. But I refused to share the details, because, holy crap, that would be embarrassing.
About as embarrassing as Jason asking me about it.
“Good. That’s good.”
“Why do you look so worried, Giles?” He leaned closer slightly, taking the air with him. “I’m not on the list, am I?”
Oh no.
He was doing it again. Looking at me like he wanted something.
Something I knew I shouldn’t give him.
“We should probably head back,” I said trying to keep my voice even. “It’s getting late and you’re meeting Asher at—”
“Giles,” he said, sliding his hand along my collarbone and up my neck. His thumb stroking my pulse point. “Stop talking.”
“But I—” The pad of his thumb moved against my lips, dragging downward and making my bottom lip pop. My tummy clenched; his touch like fire, burning me inside out. I didn’t want to feel like this, to respond like this, but I couldn’t help it. Where Jason Ford was concerned, my body had a mind all of its own.
“Don’t you ever just want it to stop?” he whispered so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
“S- stop?”
“Yeah, the constant noise and pressure and... everything.”
More than you know, I wanted to say; but I couldn’t speak because his lips were right by mine.
“Ja—”
He kissed me. Just a gentle brush of his mouth over the corner of mine. It might as well have been a hot desperate kiss for the way my body reacted.
My breathing was labored but nowhere near as ragged as Jason’s.
“Last chance to tell me to stop, Giles,” he rasped, his eyes boring into mine.
Stop, the word formed on my tongue, but melted into nothing before I could say it. Because no matter how much I knew this was a bad idea… no matter how much I’d regret it later… no one had ever made me feel the way Jason did. So alive. So desired.
“I don’t want you to stop,” I breathed. The carnal growl that vibrated in Jason’s chest turned my blood to molten lava. He wanted this.
Wanted me.
And in that moment, I didn’t care if he’d regret it, or never look at me again. Right here, right now, I needed him to touch me. I needed him to make me feel.
He didn’t devour me the way he had before. This time his kiss was slow, deliberate. He took his time acquainting himself with the shape of my lips, licking and nibbling. I slid my hand up and over his shoulder, feeling his hard muscle ripple beneath my touch.
“Get over here, Giles.” His hand found my thigh and he helped me climb over the center console and onto his lap, straddling him.
“Fuck,” he grunted, pain etched on his face.
“You’re hurt.”
“It’s nothing.” Jason dragged me closer.
It was close. Too close. Intimate and intense, the low body of his vintage car not built for heavy make out sessions.
There was a split second, as I settled over him, that our eyes connected. Eyes hooded, burning with lust, Jason looked deadly; but there was something else, something underneath the dark mask he wore. It was gone in an instant, his mouth quickly finding mine again as he ground into me, showing me just how much I turned him on.
And dear God, if that didn’t go straight to my head.
I understood it now. Why girls chased bad boys, hoping to be the one to tame their wild ways. For this, right here, the ounce of power my body had over him. The way my kisses made him grow harder, made him hungry for more.
I wasn’t foolish enough to believe it meant anything—I knew it didn’t. But how could I not feel all warm and gooey inside knowing that out of all the girls he could have been here with, he was with me.