He frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Cut the crap, Rook. What's wrong?"
The concern in his eyes wiped the cocky grin right off my face. "We need to talk. But later. After the reception."
He shook his head. "I don't think so. Pictures are done. We won't be missed."
I highly doubted that. "They will notice, and your mom will come looking for you."
"And I don't care. She'll understand."
Maybe she would, but I needed more time to gather the words, and frankly the courage, to say what I needed him to hear. "After the first dance at least."
Noah appeared as if he was ready to argue, but maybe he saw that I was unwilling to budge because he finally relented. "The second it's over."
"Agreed. Now go be a good brother and participate in your only sibling's wedding." I grinned through the discomfort.
"You're coming too." Noah rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand as he forced me to walk by his side. "You're my boyfriend, right? Pretty sure to sell this, you need to be involved."
Boyfriend. It was possibly the first time he'd used the word without the fake stipulation when no one was around. But sell it? A heavy pit gathered in my gut. There was nothing fake about the way I'd fallen in love with Noah Stephens, and soon he would know that I'd broken another one of his rules.
The Pine Heaven room was quieter than it had ever been as I stood with my hand in my suit pants pocket.
Noah flopped back on the bed. Wrinkling his tux, he propped up on his elbows. "Out with it. What's eating at you?"
I cleared my throat and tugged at the tie around my neck. The thing felt like a noose, and I was sweating. Why the fuck was it so hot in the middle of Antarctica?
"Antarctica?" Noah asked with amusement lighting up his eyes, making me aware the word had slipped out.
"Shut up. Is it hot in here? It is, right?" I pulled at my tie, unknotting and slipping the silk free.
Noah gazed up at me with concern. "Okay, what the hell is going on, Rook? You're starting to worry me."
I was starting to worry myself and needed to sit down. Taking a seat next to Noah, I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and sucked in a deep breath. It didn't help. My heart hammered a staccato rhythm as I glanced at Noah.
"This was supposed to be fake," I whispered so quietly I wasn't sure he'd heard me.
His swallow was audible. "What do you mean? Of course it is."
Ouch. The words were a punch to the gut, but I powered through. If he didn't want me, I'd go back to being his best friend. I'd do whatever he needed. Even if it killed me. But first, I had to take a chance that he might love me back.
"Is it? Nothing more than pretend?" I hedged.
Fear, bright and electric, flashed in his eyes as he shook his head. "Don’t worry, Rook. If you're implying I'm like in love with you or whatever, rest assured you're not going to break my heart. This is fake. Plain and simple."
I frowned. "That's not what I said."
"That's what it sounded like." Noah's brow furrowed. "So what's the deal then?"
My mouth opened and then immediately shut. Once I admitted how I felt, I wouldn't be able to take it back. Rubbing my hands together, I forced the words out. "What if it wasn't that simple for me? That maybe I want more?"
I didn't expect the way Noah jumped to his feet or the scowl that twisted his addictive lips. "I'd tell you that you were a damn liar." His chest rose and fell, heaving deep breaths. "I'd tell you this isn't a fucking funny joke."
"A joke?" I reared back. His reaction had caught me off guard, so I didn't stop him when he stomped by me and slammed the bathroom door closed behind him.
Glaring at the door, I stewed. Noah had to know I'd never fucking joke about something like that. The shower turned on, and a rush of frustration, hurt, and even a little anger had me storming toward the bathroom. I found it unlocked and opened the door hard, causing it to bang against the wall as I barged in.
Visible through the frosted glass, Noah's head jerked in my direction. "What the hell are you doing?"
Slipping off my jacket, I tossed it on the floor and attacked the buttons of my shirt.
"Rook? Seriously, what the fuck?"
"We need to talk." I finished stripping down and then swung open the shower door, shouldering my way in and ignoring his slick skin as I slid behind him.
He spun around and glared. "You're here. And naked for some reason. So talk."
I glared back. "Of course I'm naked. It's a fucking shower."
"One you weren't invited to join!"
"Damn it, Noah." The growl from my throat echoed off the tiled walls. "It wasn’t a joke. This isn't fake."
His eyes flew wide before he scowled. "The hell it's not. You can't just stop being straight for fuck's sake!"
Frustration raced through my veins. How could I convince him that how I felt about him was different than anything I'd experienced with anyone else?
"No?" My gaze traced over his soaked blond hair, the rivulets of water that rolled down his chest and down to his cock that hung heavy between his legs. Licking my lips, my gaze clashed with his again. "Tell me how it feels when I kiss you. How does it feel when I take you in my mouth and suck your cock? Does that sound fucking fake? Does it feel pretend?"
He clamped his lips closed.
"How straight can a guy be if his go-to fantasy is of his best friend? His first kiss with a guy, imagining what might have happened if I peeled off his underwear. If he'd touched me. If he begged me to fuck him." My gaze dropped to his lips. "If I imagined kissing him again so many damn times, I could almost taste him because I'd memorized everything about that first kiss."
Noah's jaw loosened. "You were curious—"
My hands fisted at my sides, resisting the urge to pin him against the wall and let him feel what just talking about it was doing to my body. "Don't with the cop out. I'm owning this shit, and you don't get to tell me how I feel."
"Yeah?" he choked out, water streaming from his hair and falling from his eyelashes, nose and lips. "A few days of hand holding, kissing and…sucking…all in the span of a week, and now you're gay, huh?"
"That's not what I said. Stop putting words in my mouth and listen to the ones I'm telling you. Who cares if I haven’t been with a guy before? That has nothing to do with you. I want you, Noah. For fuck’s sake, I need you."
His nostrils flared as he stared at me for several beats before he whispered, "Prove it."
With a deep grunt, Noah’s back hit the slick tiles I pinned him against and pressed our bodies together. His hips moved restlessly, attempting to gain friction. With a clenched jaw and will I hadn't known I possessed, I refused to give him what he was desperately seeking. "First you tell me how you feel about me."
He shook his head.
A frustrated growl rose in my throat. "Why?"
His eyes squeezed closed. "Because I'm scared, okay?"
My arms immediately loosened around him. "Scared of what?"