Please say no, I thought. Because if that’s what she thought, didn’t that mean that Lauren and I were part of that…derailment? That we were the result of some train wreck?
I knew my mom had moved away from her family and given up her job when my dad had been moved by the company to Philadelphia, right around when Lauren was born. She’d been working as a low-level assistant at some fashion company in New York that no longer even existed. But had she had dreams of a career in fashion? Did she regret letting my dad’s job take over their lives?
How had I never asked her about any of this before? Suddenly I felt both very selfish and very scared. What if my mom hated our life together, and that’s why she was breaking it all up?
“It’s more complicated than that, Tess,” she said finally. “Your dad and I…we both made decisions, apart and together, that got us to where we are. But I do sometimes wish that I’d spoken up for myself more when I was younger. That I’d understood that the things I wanted weren’t frivolous or less important.” She took a breath. “Tess, the things you want…they matter. They matter more than you know. So I say finish this list. Prove to yourself that you can do it. It could change everything.”
I sat up straight on the bed, a steely resolve coming over me. She was right. This wasn’t about Christopher. It was about me. Even if that did sound selfish. I had to finish my list. And I only had a day and a half to do it.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll do my best.”
* * *
• • •
There was one item on my list that had to happen today. Get Adam Michel’s autograph. His book signing was at The Little Bookshop in town at two o’clock, and it was already pushing noon. I needed to find a way to get into town ASAP. If I knew Adam Michel’s fans, and I was pretty sure I knew them well, as I’d been one of them almost my entire life, I knew they were already lined up to meet him. I texted Lauren.
WHERE ARE YOU? I need a ride into town.
Then I paced the room for ten minutes waiting for her to respond. No dice. I thought about going to find Loretta. But she’d been so pissed at me yesterday and, to be honest, I was still pissed at her for treating me like a baby. Besides, I was sure she was insanely busy, either dealing with lawyers or even just getting the staff ready for tomorrow night’s New Year’s Eve celebrations. I didn’t want to bother her.
I glanced at the calendar she’d left for us on our first day here. There was a gingerbread house competition today, and it was marked as mandatory on our schedules. I paused, wondering if Lauren had any intention of showing up for that.
The thought made me laugh out loud.
I looked at my phone again. The last text I had was from Carina. I didn’t think she was old enough to drive, but however I got to town, I was going to need a wingman. There was no way I was going to get up the guts to talk to Adam Michel on my own. Besides, if there was a long line to get my book signed, I’d need someone to talk to. I texted her back.
Hey! I’m fine. Where are you?
She wrote back right away.
Cafe. Reading.
Be right there.
I grabbed my backpack and headed back downstairs. Carina was sitting in one of the deep chairs by the window at the Best Bean, her feet up on the coffee table in front of her. I glanced over at the counter and was relieved to see that Damon wasn’t working. I didn’t want to get into last night’s party and why I wasn’t there. And I definitely didn’t want to talk about Christopher or whether Damon was worried about losing his job.
“Hey!” Carina said, closing her book as I arrived. “What’s up?”
“What are you doing today?” I asked.
“Not much. Why?”
“I need to go get Adam Michel’s autograph. Do you want to come?”
“Adam Michel?” She seemed to freeze. Her hand went to her book, which she’d laid aside on the chair, and she clutched it almost like it was a security blanket. “What do you mean you need to get his autograph?” she said. “Why are you asking me?”
I sat down in the chair across from hers and opened my backpack. “Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but I made a list of ten things I have to do before the new year, and getting Adam Michel’s autograph is on it. My sister found out he’s going to be signing copies of his new autobiography in town today, and so I need to go.”
I pulled out the laminated list and handed it over to her.
“Tess’s New Year’s Bucket List,” she read, then gasped and looked at me. “You’re not dying, are you?”
“No!” I said with a laugh. “Nothing like that.”
Carina narrowed her eyes as she scanned the ten items and the various check marks. I felt like I was completely exposed, suddenly. Like she was either going to laugh at me for being such a dork or tell me I was insane. But instead, she lay the list down on her lap and looked at me.
“There’s a date on this. You made it a couple of days before we met.”
“Yeah.” I felt a beat of apprehension. Why was she being so weird about this?
“So…you really don’t know who I am?”
“I…what? Who are you?”
Carina smiled slowly, and her smile reminded me of the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland. Disturbing, but also intriguing. “Oh, this is going to be such fun.”
* * *
• • •
Ten minutes later, Carina and I were in a sleek black car being whisked into town by someone named Phil, who kept calling her Miss. I felt a little bit like I’d just stepped into a movie and was either going to be kidnapped and held for ransom on a speeding train somewhere, or taken to the nearest posh city for a ridiculous makeover. Whenever I tried to ask Carina a question, she changed the subject, and before I knew it, we were pulling up in front of The Little Bookshop, where there was—as predicted—a line of rabid fans three deep and two blocks long waiting outside in the frigid cold. Half of them were wearing Adam Michel tour T-shirts, or had their hair teased and spiked up in Adam’s preferred style. I suddenly felt kind of lame in my favorite comfy outfit.
“Is this all right, Miss?” Phil asked.
“This is perfect, Phil, thanks.” Carina texted rapidly on her phone as I stared out the window.
“Ugh, it’s too late,” I said. “There’s no way I’m ever getting to the front of this line. I bet these people got here at ten this morning.”