Maybe we need a reminder that it’s okay to want love. If it’s as great as everyone says it is, who wouldn’t want it? And if I want to find it, I can’t stay in my room forever.
“Yeah, I should be at the game,” I finally answer.
Carmen raises her eyebrow like she doesn’t know if she believes me.
“It’s the playoffs,” she says. “Everyone is going to be there.”
“I said I should be there,” I repeat.
Carmen nods. She’s satisfied—for now. Sometimes our friendship feels like my old bracelet, hanging by a thread.
“What’s taking these people so long?” Jess whines from the other side of the table. “It’s like they’re purposely handing out hearts to everyone but us.”
“You’re so impatient,” Katie says. “They’re making their way over here.”
Surveying the cafeteria, I see that different tables have already started getting paper hearts. I spot Sarah Chang again. She digs into her tote bag and hands a boy a paper heart. He’s sitting at a table with a bunch of other guys, and they all start hollering and laughing as he accepts the heart, turning red enough that I can see it from tables away. There’s a bunch of oohs and aahs as he opens the letter, but Sarah has already moved on to a new table near us.
She’s always been in student government but never has been part of the planning committee. I wonder what made her switch this year. She used to be the treasurer—maybe it just got boring? As she walks past our table, she looks down at her combat boots, almost like she’s afraid.
“Does she not see us over here?” Jess asks, waving. The David Yurman bangles on her wrist jingle.
“I wonder if she saw what you posted,” Carmen says. I turn back to the table and she’s wagging her finger at Jess. “Maybe this is your fault.”
Jess drops her jaw. “Don’t blame this on me.”
“Guys, we might not even get ours right now,” I say, trying to reassure them. “They pass the hearts out for the next two weeks.”
But as I say it, I feel someone come up behind me. I whip my head around. It’s a boy I don’t recognize—a freshman, most likely. He has small freckles that cover his nose, and he clenches the tote bag like he’s nervous.
“Are you Ella Fitzpatrick?” he asks.
“Duh,” Carmen says. I nod, embarrassed.
“I have a few hearts for you in this batch,” he says, pulling out four paper hearts.
“Thank you,” I say, taking them from his slightly shaking hand. Then he walks over to Carmen, too timid to ask her name. His tote must be filled with paper hearts for people with F last names. Carmen’s last name is Fairchild, so whenever things are alphabetical, we get to sit by each other.
When he pulls out one heart, Carmen gives him a death stare.
“Are you forgetting any?”
His eyes widen, and he actually pokes through his bag again.
“Ugh. Just the one,” he says, looking back up. He smiles, but Carmen looks away and opens her letter. She scans the page quickly.
“Just from some nerd in my AP chem class,” she says, sighing like she expected there to be more. Or maybe she was hoping it was from someone else. “That was anticlimactic.”
“At least you got one,” Jess huffs.
“Oooh, look, that girl is coming over too,” Katie says excitedly. She means Sarah Chang.
But once Sarah’s standing next to me, Katie doesn’t look as enthused. There’s a red pin attached to Sarah’s bag that says there is no charm equal to the tenderness of the heart. It makes me smile since that’s something I’d wear too. But Sarah isn’t smiling. Her lips are pursed in the same way they are when our English teacher sees her hand raised but looks around the room to give someone else a chance to speak.
“Here,” she says, handing three paper hearts to Jess without looking at her. It makes me wonder if she knows Jess posted something. “And here are yours,” she says to Katie. Carmen’s still glaring, but she doesn’t notice. She doesn’t look at any of us. Once she hands Katie her paper hearts, she darts away to the next table as quickly as she came. As she walks away, I can’t help but feel a guilty twinge again. I hope she opens her paper heart from me soon.
“That girl is so weird,” Carmen declares once she’s out of earshot. The other girls give each other uneasy glances, but I glare at Carmen. How does she not realize we’re in the wrong here?
“You’re just jealous that I have more hearts than you,” Jess eventually says, elbowing her in the ribs.
“Am not!” Carmen says. “Okay, what’re you guys doing? Open yours.”
Just when I was thinking about calling Carmen out for being more of a jerk than usual, I open my first paper heart.
Ella,
It’s normally you who is the sentimental one with these paper hearts. But now it’s my turn. We’ve been through so much this year and I don’t know what I’d do without you by my side. I want to make this last semester before college the most memorable one yet.
I love you more than pizza at Gino’s, Bachelor Mondays, and all the Froyo toppings. And we both know that’s A LOT.
XOXO Carmen
When I look up from reading the letter, Carmen’s smiling like she knows I opened hers first. I mouth I love you too while Jess and Katie are busy reading their own letters. Carmen reaches out to me under the table and squeezes my knee.
At the beginning of sixth grade, when my family moved to town, I dreaded being the new girl in school—but Carmen claimed me day one. She still reminds me of that from time to time. She tells me imagine if I didn’t befriend you. I can imagine. I remember worrying the whole summer whether I’d have someone to sit with at lunch. Luckily, I totally got to avoid being the loser new girl because Carmen swooped me under her wing. Never mind the fact that she later admitted she just wanted to be my friend because I was pretty. I knew I was lucky to have her.
I’m still lucky, even though I have to remind myself of that sometimes. Because even though she can be a lot, there’s a lot to love. Plus, I know deep down she’s not as tough as she makes it seem and she values our friendship over anything. Psychologists say that if you’re friends with someone for over seven years, it’ll last a lifetime. We’re going on seven now, and that’s just one of the reasons we’ll be friends forever.
The other paper hearts are from guys I only sort of know. The first is from a boy named Andre Johnson who I used to do student government with. It says Happy Valentine’s Day. Planning the dance has been impossible without you. We miss your fun ideas, planning expertise, and of course, you. You’re welcome back at any time.