He’s married to the woman of his dreams. He’s right in the middle of his happily ever after while my world is shattering.
Would he have acted the same way? Does it even compare?
He and Delilah love each other. They’ve said vows before God and their families.
It’s not the same. I didn’t love Megan Barnes. I slept with her. She said her own vows, had her own husband.
Turning my head until I’m looking out the passenger-side window, I try my best to go back to that night, the one where I saw a pretty girl in a diner and flirted. Back to the night where nothing mattered but pancakes and the taste of syrup on her lips when she kissed me. Back to the feel of her warm skin against my palm when I lifted her leg higher, when I pushed inside of her deeper.
But those images have faded, disappeared, and have been replaced with unseeing eyes, blood-stained skin, and a help me that went unanswered.
“The girls set up your bedroom,” Lawson says as the terrain becomes familiar. “You have your own bathroom.”
We’re only a few miles away from Cerberus property, and even though I should feel relief at knowing I’m going to get some time to myself soon, I still hate the idea of being released. It’s only going to make it that much harder when I have to go back.
“The house is over there, but I promised Delilah, I would meet her here.” Instead of turning left off the road toward the four newly built houses, Lawson turns right into the Cerberus MC parking lot. A huge grin fills his face as he looks toward the front door. “Ah. There she is now.”
Lawson drove in yesterday for my court hearing this morning. I told him it was fruitless to keep coming into Albuquerque since we’ve already had several bond hearings, but I’m grateful he stuck with it. I don’t know that I would’ve been released if there wasn’t someone there willing to stand up and agree to babysit me.
I try to smile at the sight of my sister-in-law, but I can’t even muster a fake one. I don’t have much to smile for these days and faking it takes too much energy.
“Come on,” Lawson says as he climbs out of the truck.
I’ve been back here a handful of times for short visits, so it’s familiar, but I still feel like I don’t belong. This is my brother’s family, not mine. Not once have they made me feel unwelcome, but forming attachments has never been easy for me. That’s why the connections I felt with Meg—
“Drew!” Delilah barely stops long enough to brush a kiss on Lawson’s cheek before she’s running in my direction. “So good to see you!”
Before that night, I would’ve wrapped her in a hug, swirled her around, and made a joke about stealing her away from my brother, but I’m no longer that man. That man died the night Megan did.
“Good to see you, Delilah.” I pat her back, ignoring her frown when she steps away. “How are Jaxon and Rob?”
“Good,” she answers, her manners always on point, but she’s not impressed with my lack of enthusiasm.
Jaxon is Lawson’s biological father, a man he didn’t meet until he was nearly grown. Our mother, a woman who used to hang out at the Cerberus clubhouse, got pregnant and took off. The man never knew he had a son, and our mom didn’t disclose his identity until she was on her death bed. We came to New Mexico so Lawson could give him a piece of his mind, only he ended up giving a piece of his heart away instead. Delilah and her twin brother Samson were adopted by Jaxon and Rob, two of the original Cerberus members. I left to live with my father’s family shortly after arriving but Lawson stayed behind and managed to fall in love. Their story is more complicated than that, but you can’t tell by their smiling faces that they’d have it any other way.
“Ready to go inside?” Delilah wraps her arms around my brother’s waist, and he doesn’t miss the opportunity to hold her tight and press his lips to the top of her head.
No. “Sure.”
Lawson walks toward the front of the clubhouse, once again making small talk I can’t be bothered to pay attention to. I can hear the smile in his voice even with his back to me. He hasn’t always been so optimistic, but I guess having an amazing woman will do that to a man. I follow along, trying not to feel bitter about my own brother and the life he’s been allowed.
Chatter fills my ears the second the door opens. This place has always been lively—Cerberus members mingling with the adult children of several members. That chatter stops as if someone flipped a switch and powered down the sound. I knew I was going to be on display, and as much as I hate being here, I figured getting it done while everyone is around meant only doing it once instead of twenty different times as I ran into individual people.
I look around the room, making eye contact with several of the men who showed up to support me in various stages of my proceedings, but then my eyes snag on a pretty brunette.
This time, blinking doesn’t make her fade away. Blinking doesn’t turn her from the girl I’ve wanted to see since that night at the diner into someone I’ve mistaken for her.
She’s there, standing in the middle of the room as gorgeous as she was the first time I saw her moaning around a decadent bite of pancakes. Her dark hair is longer now, hazel eyes wide with surprise, not unseeing and empty like last time. Her hands cling to her body, her swollen belly covered by trembling fingers.
I’ve truly fucking lost my mind, and if that’s the case, I refuse to have several dozen people witness it.
On unsteady feet, I turn around and walk right back out the door.
Chapter 3
Isabella
“That’s Drew.”
Sophia whispered those words with humor in her voice when the front door opened.
I couldn’t argue with her because he never told me his first name.
Drew O’Neil.
I feel like a fool.
Lawson’s brother is a cop, works for New Mexico State Police.
I should say worked because he was arrested several months ago. It’s all anyone has really talked about lately even though most details have been kept behind sealed lips.
Dad went to Albuquerque more than once to help with his case. I don’t know how he could help because he wouldn’t tell me anything when I asked.
I never put two and two together. Never once considered that the father of my child was Lawson’s brother.
My hands clutch my belly, seeming too small to protect it from the fallout we both may be facing.
Drew walked out minutes ago, but I’m still standing in the middle of the room staring at the open front door. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, can hear the echo of whispers, the questions everyone are dying to ask.
“Isabella.” I know that tone, and nothing good comes from my father using it.
I can’t even look at him, and I don’t know if it’s shame or embarrassment, but my neck heats, no doubt turning red under everyone’s scrutiny.
“Honey?” I look down to see Sophia’s concerned eyes blinking up at me. “Is that—is he the…?”
I squeeze her hand, hoping she understands this isn’t something I can talk about right now, and sure as hell won’t be having this conversation in front of every single Cerberus member, their spouses and every person connected to them.
I always loved having so many people around, getting to know each and every person connected to the club. Most people gather for holidays and birthdays. Cerberus gets together every chance they can.