Our tough life has taken a toll on my baby sister. Our mom died when we were young, and our dad raised us. He was a good man, but spent more time at the track, and with a bottle of whiskey, than he did with his little girls.
It’s how I developed my love for racing. If we wanted to spend time with him, we would hang out at the speedway, which Lilly hated. My sister never took an interest in racing, except when Dad gave us money for go-kart racing. Her relationship with Dad wasn’t the best.
I tried to be a good substitute mother for Lilly, but after he died, I was only seventeen. Lilly already had self-esteem issues that spiraled out of control, and she suffered from anorexia in high school.
Thanks to my signing bonus, she’s started classes at Claremont College, and she’s been doing so well lately. But I still worry about her, and I don’t need to dump my issues on her.
My feet rejoice when I slip off my shoes and collapse on the other end of the couch with a harsh sigh. “Did you eat dinner?”
“Yes, Mom,” She rolls her eyes at me like an irritable teenager. “Now stop deflecting. You know you can talk to me, Sis. I’m not as fragile as you think.”
“I don’t think you’re fragile.”
“Then stop trying to shelter me all the time.”
“I can’t help it, I just…” I swallow the lump in my throat. “…I worry about you.” I rest my head against the back of the couch and close my eyes. “I met someone tonight,” I say quietly.
“I knew it!” She claps her hands together, bouncing up and down on the couch like an excited child. “What’s his name? Are you seeing him again? Is he a badass race car driver? Tell me everything.”
I rub my forehead, feeling the effects of a migraine coming on. “I don’t know his name, and no, I’m not seeing him again.”
“Oh…O…so, you…”
“Yup. Picked him up from the bar—got a hotel room—and I’m officially that girl.”
“Wow. Okay. Good for you. I’m actually impressed.” She giggles. “I’m happy you’re back on the horse—and by horse, I mean—”
“I shouldn’t have done it. I feel cheap and…terrible.”
“The fuck you should have.”
I’m unable to control the tears flowing down my cheeks. “I feel like Zach is looking down…”
“Hey…hey. Hold up.” Lilly scoots over and wraps her arms around me. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Stop beating yourself up. It’s been over two years. It’s okay to move on. Just because you lost someone you love doesn’t mean you have to stop living. Losing Zach was horrible. It was an accident…a terrible accident, and you lost a lot that day, but he loved you, and he would want you to live again. Zach would be pretty pissed at you for not living your life. Besides…” She smirks. “There’s nothing wrong with a modern woman engaging in a little banging to relieve her tension. You needed to get laid. It’s been way too long. You’re very grouchy.”
“I’m not grouchy.” I frown at her. Okay, maybe a little.
“I’m kidding. You’ve been doing so well lately.” She massages my shoulder. “I know the past two years have been tough on you. Look at you, buying this house, following your dream…helping me with school. You’re like a boss lady out on the track. I’m happy you let loose and had some fun tonight.”
“It was pretty fabulous.” I grin, as I start thinking about it again.
“Ugh, I want all the details. Was he hot? Is he a race car driver? Did you visit ‘O’ town?”
I sink my teeth into my bottom lip. So fucking hot. “He had quite a bit of stamina.” I grin. “I didn’t realize I had so many pent-up orgasms.”
“Gah,” Lilly groans. “I hate you.”
“Come on…must be lots of young, handsome college studs out there.” I cringe. “Not that I want to think about my virginal, baby sister getting her freak on.”
“It’s cute you still think I’m a virgin, but I had my cherry popped…”
“Lalala.” I cover my ears.
“Besides, college boys are starting to get on my nerves. They’re so juvenile, and all they want to do is drink beer and get in your pants. And once they get there, they have no idea what they’re doing.”
“I can’t hear any of this. No one should be anywhere near your pants, young lady.”
“You know I’m almost twenty-one, right?”
“You’re still my sweet, innocent, baby sister. Let me have my fantasy.” I swoop her up in my arms and hug her tightly.
“Speaking of…can I borrow the car tomorrow night? I kinda have a date.”
“A date?” I cross my arms over my chest. “Can he pick you up…so I can meet him?”
“We just met.” She sighs, toying with a lock of her hair. “I’d rather meet in a public place until I get to know him better. It’s safer if I have my own car if I need to make a quick getaway, or he turns out to be a serial killer. See…thinking like an adult.” She pokes a finger to her temple with a chuckle.
“How did you meet him? Is he from school?”
“He’s a nice guy, now stop worrying.” She half-shrugs. “He’s not some random guy I picked up in a bar, whose name I don’t even know, but take him up to a hotel room anyway,” she says with extra sarcasm in her voice.
She snorts when I scowl at her. “You’re a brat.” I playfully push her shoulder. “Fine.” I let out a harsh breath. “I’ll be home early from the track. You can use the car. Just be careful.”
“Always.”
“If he doesn’t bury bodies under the house for a living, maybe you can invite him over for dinner one night.”
“Sure.”
“I need sleep before I fall on my face. I have a long day ahead of me.” I stretch my tender body from the couch.
“Thank you…for everything.” She stands and pulls me into a hug. “You’re the best sister I’ve ever had, and you better stop being so damn hard on yourself.”
“I love you too.” I hug her back. “Maybe next week we can see about getting you a used car. I don’t like you taking the bus to school.”
“Really?” she squeals excitedly. “Because I can get a part-time job at the bookstore to help you. That would be awesome.”
“I don’t want you worrying about anything. I can pay for it. I want you to concentrate on school. Now I’m going to crash.”
“Charlotte.” She pauses at the bottom of the stairs and turns around. “I’m lucky I have you.”
“Same. Goodnight, kiddo.”
After making sure everything is locked up tight, I take a few ibuprofen with a tall glass of water and stalk to my bedroom. I should shower, but I don’t want to erase his scent from my body yet.
I wash my makeup off and brush my teeth. I pull out my “Weekends Are for Racing” T-shirt and slip it over my body, sans underwear. I slide into bed and listen to the gentle beads of rain sprinkling against the windowpane. The rain always calms my nerves but doesn’t bode well for track time tomorrow.