I push the door open, closing my eyes as I step into the apartment. The memories that flooded me the first time I stepped in here a few hours ago threatened to floor me, I have no reason to think it’ll be any different this time.
Closing the door behind me, I keep my eyes on the floor, that is until a noise has me lifting my eyes and scanning the room. I expect to find her standing somewhere staring at me with a furious expression on her face but instead, I find her curled up in a ball on the couch snoring softly.
My breath catches at the sight of her. This apartment is freezing, to the point I can see my breath in front of my face, yet she’s there without so much as a blanket covering her.
Walking over, I drop down to my haunches in front of her.
“Ruby,” I whisper, but she doesn’t so much as stir.
Knowing that I can’t leave her there freezing, I slide my arms under her body and lift her into my chest. The second she feels my heat, she curls into me and nuzzles her cheek against my shoulder.
My heart rate picks up as I stare down at her, but I don’t allow myself time to really think about my reaction because I march toward my bedroom, ignoring the couple of images of Mom and me when I pass.
The second we’re in my room, I lay her down on my bed, pull her sneakers off, and cover her up.
Taking a step back, I stare at her curled up in my bed. I have no idea how I feel about it. I want to hate it, but I’m not sure I do, and that only makes me want to hate it that much more.
Turning my back on her, I make my way to the bathroom and quietly close the door behind me.
I strip out of my clothes, trying to ignore the chill that bites into my skin, I know it’s about to get a lot worse. I don’t bother waiting after turning the shower on, I know it’s not going to get any warmer. Instead, I brace myself and step under the ice-cold stream.
I make quick work of washing the last few days off me before stepping out, drying off as fast as I can.
With the towel around my waist, I head back to my room, pull on a clean pair of boxers and sweats, and crawl into bed.
Do I want to be in here with her? No, not really. But like fuck am I going to be the one shivering on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed here with thick covers.
Sleep comes easily, not that I’m surprised after the past two days. With the help of her warmth beside me, I allow the darkness to come and hopefully with it, a little peace. Being back here, seeing Mom’s things, being where she used to be, it’s fucking with my head. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want Ruby here. But at the same time, I can’t imagine either of us anywhere else right now.
When I eventually wake, it’s the kinds of city commotion that I’m all too used to and have almost missed in my short time away. But it’s not the sound that alarms me, it’s the hot little body in my arms and the burning stare I can feel.
“I know you’re awake,” she whispers. “So you can let go of me now.”
I wish I could, but with my limbs still heavy with sleep, my arm and leg stay exactly where they are, wrapped around her, pinning her to me.
“You’re warm,” I murmur, keeping my eyes shut and wishing I could drift back off away from this bullshit reality.
“Ash.” She chuckles, trying to pull away from me but finding herself stuck.
I should release her, I know that, but fuck.
Ripping my eyes open, I find her awake green ones staring back up at me. Seeing them is like a bucket of cold water over me.
I release her immediately and roll onto my back.
“Sorry,” I mutter, staring up at the ceiling. “You were just... warm.”
“Yeah,” she sighs, following my move and shifting to her back. “Where’d you go?”
“Out.”
“Riiight.” She pushes to sit up and grabs her cell from the nightstand.
“You were really cold when I came in, so...”
“Thank you,” she whispers. “Jesus, it’s late.” That much is obvious from the fact the sun is dropping in the sky once more.
She taps around for a bit, I assume replying to messages, but I leave her to do her thing.
“Our parents want to know if we want to meet them for dinner.”
“No.”
“O-oh.”
“Tell them you can’t either.”
She glances over at me, but I don’t return her stare.
“O-okay.” She turns her attention back to the screen and taps away, assuming, turning down their offer. I have no idea what they must be thinking right now about all of this, but to be honest, I don’t really give a shit.
I regret my actions the second I flip the covers back and the coldness of the apartment hits my skin. I shiver, but it’s not enough to force me back inside. I’m almost at the door when she speaks.
“Ash?” Her voice is so soft and unsure that it makes me turn around.
“Yeah.”
Her eyes drop down my bare chest, lingering on where I know my morning wood is pressing against the fabric of my sweats. She swallows nervously and it does nothing to help it go down.
“About last night...” she starts hesitantly.
“Forget it. It was...” I blow out a breath, remembering just how she looked on her knees before me. “A mistake. Won’t happen again.”
“O-okay. G-good.” I swear I see disappointment cross her features, but I don’t hang around long enough to find out. Instead, I turn my back on her and head for the bathroom for a shower that is sure to put pay to the hard-on I’ve had since waking to find her in my arms.
When I emerge, I find her pulling open the few cupboards we have in the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” I bark and she startles as if she’s just been caught robbing the place.
“Oh shit, I... um... I’m looking for something to eat.”
“Good luck with that. You might find some crackers.”
I continue toward the bedroom with a towel around my waist, but I pause halfway across the room when she speaks again.
“Is this really how you lived?”
“Yeah, little one. It was,” I say sadly and continue forward before she has a chance to say anymore. I’m not ashamed of how we lived, it was our reality. If I didn’t want her to see it, then I could have just dropped her at the lavish hotel Dad booked and kept her away from it.
You probably should have done that, a little voice screams in my head as I walk to my dresser and pull out a pair of boxers.
I drop the towel when a gasp sounds out in the doorway. Thankfully, she waits until I’ve dragged them on to speak.
“I’m going out,” I say, reaching for some clothes.
“Take this, please.”
Not knowing what she has for me, I turn around.
“No,” I spit, seeing the credit card in her hand.
“Why not? You deserve it, Ash. Your dad pays for it,” she admits with a wince when my face hardens with anger. Of course he fucking pays for her credit card, why wouldn’t he?
Fucking asshole.
“I don’t want anything from him.”
“I... I get that—”
“No, no, you fucking don’t. You don’t have a clue. You think seeing this place means you understand anything about my life. You fucking don’t.”
She backs up into the doorframe as I take a step toward her, backing away like a scared little animal.