My head hurts. I want to vomit.
The faces of the people I love hold lifeless glassy eyes. My limbs won’t move. I’m broken.
I’m having a panic attack.
My head really fucking hurts right now.
Nash slams his hand against the window that overlooks the cab of the truck. “NOK!”
We hit a smoother terrain and stop at a junction leading to the main road that takes us back into Westoria.
I take this moment to dive over the side of the truck. I land on my hands and knees and gasp for air. I feel something warm hit my hand and at first I think it’s a tear but then I realize that it’s too dark to be a tear. It’s blood from my nose.
My head is throbbing.
“Lilith, loca, are you okay?” Nash asks, skidding to a stop beside me.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I shout, wiping my bloody nose on my bare wrist. Dark red smears up my arm. It reminds me that I’m alive. I’m okay. I can breathe… it’s okay.
He hands me a rag of some sort, I take it and hold it against my face, pinching my nostrils closed through the material.
“Is he insane?” I yell at Nash but Nok finally climbs out of the vehicle. When he opens his mouth to speak I repeat my question but change the direction, “Are you fucking insane?”
“Let me see,” he insists, stepping closer to me but I hold up my blood-stained hand.
“You could have killed us. You could have killed your brother. Does he mean nothing to you?”
“You’re being really dramatic.”
Even Nash blinks at him for that one.
I show him the bloodied rag and let my nose leak more of my life fluid. “Dramatic? This is dramatic?” When he doesn’t react, my rage fills my eyes with a red blur. I reach into my bag and pull out my switchblade, then press the little silver button and let the sharpened end flip free. “I’ll show you fucking dramatic.”
“Whoa, okay, let’s calm down,” Nash tries, raising his hands and taking a step backwards. “I know he scared you and hurt you but…”
Nok stares me down, his eyes flick to the blade. “You won’t stab me.”
“Are you so sure about that?” I ask, taking a step towards him, feeling angry and powerful. My head is throbbing, my nose has stopped leaking blood, so I wipe away the excess with the rag and throw it on the floor. “You’re an arrogant prick.”
“You’re right, he so is. He’s not worth going to jail for.”
“Shut up, Nash,” Nok and I say at the exact same time.
“What do you want from me?” Nok snaps, glaring me down, just a meter between us. “An apology?”
“Don’t,” Nash warns, looking at his brother.
“Just get back in the truck, I’ll take you home, and you can sleep off this tantrum you’re having.”
“Tantrum?” I hiss. “You fucking threw me around in the bed of your truck!”
When he rolls his eyes, completely disregarding my feelings and how he hurt me I walk over to the passenger door.
“Good girl,” he murmurs, that smug lilt in his voice.
I raise the knife and bring it down, jabbing it straight through his tire. The tire makes a pleasant hissing sound and Nok… well, he doesn’t make a great sound at all.
“WHAT THE FUUUUCKKK?” he screams and charges towards me but I’m already at his back tire. I manage to stick it through the stiff rubber just as he reaches me, grabs me by the throat, and pins me against the side of the vehicle, bending my top half over the truck bed slightly. The knife drops from my hand and I smile up at him, feeling much better now. “You psychotic bitch!” Oh he’s furious. “This is why I hate white bitches. You’re all fucking… AAARRGHHH! HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO GET HOME NOW, HUH?”
“NOK!” Nash pulls his brother from me and my hand instinctively goes to my throat to rub away the ache. He didn’t squeeze so hard that I couldn’t breathe but I could see how badly he wanted to.
“You stupid, crazy fucking whore!” he yells, struggling against his brother’s hold. “You’ll pay for this.”
I pick up my switchblade, close it, and put it back in my bag. Then I flip him the bird over my shoulder and start the long walk home.
I don’t mind walking, but I didn’t think this through. I don’t know where the fuck I am and my head is pounding something fierce.
Trees line the road and metal railings stop cars from crashing into them. There are no signs, just stars in the sky. So many stars.
“Lilith!” Nash calls and his footsteps follow me. “What the hell happened back there? You know that’s not my brother’s truck, right? He only has it because of his job. You think we can afford a truck like that?”
“Didn’t know, don’t care.”
“Lil—”
“Leave me be, Nash. I told you I’m not a good person.”
He hesitates but stops and I stroll on ahead of him. “I can see that now.”
“Lucky you,” I reply and pick up the pace. The straps of my sandals are cutting into my feet already.
That’s what he gets. That’s what they will all get.
“Stop feeling bad, he deserved it,” Willow snaps, prancing around the kitchen as I slump over the counter, tired and achy. It took me two hours to walk home last night. “Look at your face.”
I prod the side of my temple where the swelling begins and stops under my cheekbone.
“I still think you should get it checked out,” she murmurs, and I might actually agree with her.
I don’t feel great.
“What if you’ve fractured your skull or something?”
It’s a possibility, my nose bled again on the way home and I woke up with a pillow covered in it this morning.
“I’ll be fine.” Then I smile up at her, feeling relief despite the pain in my head. “You look great.”
“I feel great. Today is a good day.”
“Good, then maybe you can do breakfast.” I fall to my knees when I try to stand.
“Right,” she snaps. “I’m calling an ambulance. You’re seriously fucking hurt.”
“No!” I blurt. “I just… I’ll call a friend. No ambulances.”
She raises a brow. “You have friends?”
“I’ll call…” I think about it and the only person who comes to mind is Loki. He drives… I think.
My sister helps me to my feet, and I pick up my phone. I don’t have his number, so I find him on Twitter, logging in to my old account. I send him a message asking him to call me, then I sit on the floor again and rest my head back against the wall.
“You’ll need cash.”
I sigh and move to the jar. I take everything out of it because I don’t know how much this is going to cost, and stuff it into my bag.
“Can you pay cash? Going to a hospital isn’t like going to the grocery store.”
“I don’t know. Call Mom?”
“NO!” I blurt and the noise makes my head hurt. “Don’t bug her with this. She’ll panic and then ask questions and then we’ll leave again, and I really don’t want to leave yet.”