He looks surprised to see me. “You’re not Lilith.”
“Was it the hair that gave you away?” I ask playfully, twirling a strand of my brown mop around my finger. “Or the cane?”
“Neither,” he mutters, frowning as he extends his hand. “You’re just different.”
“In a good way I hope.”
He doesn’t reply, he doesn’t feel safe. I like that. Means his instincts are sharp. Means he’ll be more difficult to get rid of. I like a challenge.
“It’s funny that I bumped into you, actually. I keep saying to my sister that I want to meet the guy who is taking up all her time at the moment.” I tuck my hair behind my ears. “But I can see why. She’s got excellent taste.”
He smiles an arrogant, charming grin that makes me want to wrap the pump around his throat and squeeze until his eyes pop out of his head. “I agree.”
Ugh. Cringe. How can she like this?
“How are you feeling now?”
“A lot better today,” I say as he looks around for his girlfriend. “She’s not here. I kind of snuck out.”
“Naughty.” He’s smirking again. “Why?”
I pull a Hershey’s bar out of my pocket. “I wanted a snack.”
“And Lilith wouldn’t take you?”
“She got into a fight with Mom and took my sleeping pills again. She does that when shit gets anxious.”
I’m surprised of the flicker of concern that shines through his eyes.
Joseph snorts. “Lilith gets anxious?”
“Only when Mom’s involved,” I mutter, crinkling my nose.
“Go pay for the gas,” Nok tells Joseph who nods and does as he’s told like a little puppy. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” He tucks his hands into his pockets. His biceps flex.
“Likewise, I’d like to say I’ve heard a lot about you, but Lilith keeps you to herself.” I look him up and down, imagining him naked to really try and see what she likes about this guy. He’s everything we bitch about in a man.
Again, he doesn’t speak. She did say he’s a man of few words. Another thing she must really like about him.
“How did you get here?” he asks after a moment, looking around the space.
“Dad’s car,” I point to the Prius parked across from the gas station.
“Your dad?” He looks perplexed. “Isn’t he dead?”
“Yes, but his car didn’t get buried with him.” I laugh pleasantly, hoping it doesn’t sound as forced as it feels, it’s nice to joke a little about such a tragedy. It takes the edge off the grief we feel. “Well, anyway. I should probably get back. It was nice meeting you.”
“Likewise.”
“Umm,” I place my hand on his arm but release it when a coughing fit takes over my body. It’s a side-effect of the medication I’m on. My immune system is shot so I have a constant chest infection. “Sorry.” He rubs my back, his eyes softer and sad now.
When I return to the more composed state I was in before my lung almost shot out of my mouth, I give him a mournful and imploring look. “Please don’t tell Lilith you saw me.”
“I don’t feel comfo—”
“Please,” I beg, sticking out my lower lip. “If she knew I snuck out she’d be so fucking mad.”
“Well, if it’s dangerous.”
“Of course it’s dangerous.” I let my hands rise and fall. “Look at me. I’m a broken fucking mess. I’m dying. I don’t know how much time I have and she’s intent on keeping me for as long as possible.” I step closer and put my hand on his chest. “Please don’t tell her I was here.”
“Fine,” he concedes, but he still looks unhappy about it. “Maybe now you can hang out with both of us together? Your sister said you don’t like to go out.”
“That, mixed with how sick I usually am, I don’t normally get the chance.” I start walking to my car and he follows suit. “It really was so nice to meet you, Nok.”
“You too.” He opens my car door for me and takes my cane as I lower myself inside.
I wind down the window after closing the door and smile up at him. “She won’t let us hang out.”
“What?” he looks confused.
“She won’t let us hang out,” I half lie, “that’s mostly the reason why I don’t come.”
He looks even more confused. “Why not?”
I shrug my shoulders and feign sadness. “I think she’s embarrassed by me.”
“Or me.”
I drag my eyes down his body again, provocatively. He notices and shifts, feeling self-conscious no doubt. “Remember your promise, Nokosi. It was lovely to meet you.”
I drive away, leaving him in my rearview mirror, and head home. Sneaking in as quietly as a mouse and climbing into bed without brushing my teeth. I really don’t want to wake her.
Lilith
“You’re so quiet today,” I comment, looking at Nokosi who is on the opposite side of the bank. We’re spear fishing or practicing at least. Both of us have carved new spears, these two better than the last. It’s a lot harder than it looks.
His father wants to teach me how to grill a fish the right way but of course I have to catch it first. Dasan is so lovely and is just as charming as his sons, but he’s all about those life lessons. It says something when you prefer a parent that’s not your own.
“I’m concentrating,” he replies, looking up at me for a moment. “You should be concentrating.”
I lunge downwards and spear a fish through its body. I’d been concentrating just fine. “I was just waiting for you to go first so you didn’t feel emasculated.”
He shakes his head, looking aghast. “How do you do that?”
“I used to play hook a duck a lot. I don’t know if that’s related.”
“Those are not the same at all.” I love it when he smiles at me like this. I’ve done that. I’ve made him this way. I make him happy.
“Hurry up and spear one so you can fuck me up a tree and we can go to your father’s and pretend I’m a nice and stable female that his son might one day marry.”
Nokosi chuckles and lunges but misses. “What makes you think I won’t marry you anyway?”
“I’m not the marrying type.” My phone vibrates. Another unknown caller. I’ve been getting those a lot recently. I ignore it again and toss my phone onto our little pile of discarded clothing. “I’m the fuck-for-a-while-and-break-your-heart type.”
“You couldn’t break my heart if you tried.”
I feel a jolt of pain, pain that’s unfamiliar and unique. I can’t place it and I want to deny it and what it might mean. “Why? Because you could never love me?”
He looks at me as though I’m crazy. “Uh, no. Because I’ll never let you leave me.”
“So… you think you might fall in love with me?” I really wish a powerful and treacherous stream wasn’t separating us right now because letting him see all of me while we talk about something so important is making me feel open and vulnerable.