And unlike me, she didn’t get to choose this world.
Her shit of a semi-crooked father did.
Sure, her father did what he could to protect the citizens as the Chief, and I’m sure when he first started out, he was a starry-eyed idealist. But shit like the real world always comes crashing down on everyone.
The real world has a way of making us all crooked one way or the other.
I’ve seen enough and done enough that I’ve lost any rosy tint that may have covered my eyes. Killed a lot of people so far, some of them were bad people, some good.
Most of my life, I was sheltered from this world. I wasn’t stupid though. I eventually found out where my mom’s money came from. We lived in a huge house and she always drove the latest Mercedes, working as a county clerk. Shit like that didn’t add up.
I found out the truth and went my own way.
Glancing at Sophia, I watch her glare out at the world we pass by. I don’t think she understands what her father did. She knows he was a cop and that’s enough for her. She doesn’t know the choices he made or the lines he crossed to maintain the illusion he was in control.
He was never in control.
No, Chief Cronin lost all power and control when he signed a deal with the Devil.
It was probably something as simple as Lucifer telling him specific details about a rival crime gang’s activities. It’s always that way with him. He gets you through the small things, the little nothings. He gets you under his thumb and then he slowly erodes away all true control from you. He’s done it to all of us to some extent.
Even me, if I’m being honest.
Looking around, though, I can still see the world like I think Sophia does. Unlike her, I know it’s all a sham. Nothing good ever really exists in Garden City, it all eventually fades to gray.
Not Sophia, dammit.
I don’t want that for her.
But I don’t want her to be the innocent wife who wears blinders. That’s not for her either.
My hand aches with the desire to just reach over and grab hers. To give her some sort of comfort.
But I know she doesn’t want my comfort. She doesn’t want my solace. I saw that in the graveyard. I saw the look of revulsion when she saw me. She saw the dark and dirty world she’s been thrust into when she saw me.
She saw the dark ink blot on my soul.
Most of the women I’ve been with are drawn to the darkness they feel within me. The exciting danger they put their lives in. They know I’m not the right one for them. They know I’m the hurricane that will sweep into their lives and destroy everything.
And they know I’ll fade out of existence as soon as I’m done.
Those women crave me and what I do to them.
Sophia doesn’t.
She doesn’t want the bad boy who kills people. She probably thought she’d marry the nice boy next door and live a life of normalcy.
Shit, she probably could have too if she hadn’t been taken all those months ago when the Russians decided to fuck around in Garden City.
Her life could have been so fucking different than it is now. She could have had a path that led to normal old boring shit. But it can never be that again. Not after the Russians hit Johnathan’s bar and I was assigned to rescue her.
Kind of like fate, I guess.
Fate put me in the way of her suffering a life worse than death. I know the dark shit she could have been sold into. The short existence she would have suffered until she was no longer of use.
I could try to tell her all the things that could have happened to her, but I don’t think she’ll hear me. I don’t think she’d really and truly get it either. She got a taste, but she got away. She was saved by my hands.
She’s been saved by my hands since then too.
But she doesn’t know any of that shit and I don’t think she ever should.
“Where the fuck are you taking me?” Sophia snarls at me as I drive us through the pouring rain to my house.
“My house?” I say in confusion. “Where the fuck else would I take you?”
Dropping her chin, she glares at me. “I need to go home.”
“Exactly what I said,” I say back to her.
“What?” she questions.
“What?” I ask back.
This shit’s confusing. Where the fuck does she think I would take her?
“Take me to my house, James. I have a cat I need to take care of, and I can’t play any more stupid games with you,” she says and turns away.
“I can get all your stuff brought back to our house,” I say.
Stuff isn’t worth your life is what I really want to tell her.
“Take me to my home now, James, or I’ll walk my ass there,” she tells me quietly and with less emotion than she should be showing with those kinds of words.
“Fucking hell,” I spit out and turn the car around at an intersection.
The wheels of my car squeal as I whip a U-turn and push the pedal down.
The rain is coming down heavily right now and I can’t have her trying to walk her ass back to her old house dressed the way she is. Her heels alone would fucking kill her feet before she even got halfway there.
“And don’t drive like some frat boy douchebag,” she adds before turning her eyes back to her window.
I growl out, “I—”
“Yeah, you were.”
I’ll fucking choke her. Gonna make her fucking gag on my cock, I swear it.
Shit. Her calling me out is getting me fucking hard.
Growling quietly, I push my finger against the screen on the console and call Simon.
“What is it?” Simon snaps at me.
“I need two guys on perimeter around the Cronin house, immediately,” I growl out and hope it isn’t full of the resentment I feel right now.
“Why?” he asks.
Peeking over at Sophia, I watch her body tense at the sound of the good ol’ germaphobe’s voice.
“Just fucking do it, Simon,” I say, and again my hand wants to grab hers in reassurance.
Or maybe my hands are itching to bind her and fuck her senseless. It could be that too.
Fuck her so damn hard she gives into my will.
“I don’t have men just laying around the compound, waiting for orders, James,” Simon grumbles at me, but I know he’s lying.
“Send Michael and Uriel then. I want protection. Call in some of the guys from the Heralds of Hell if you have to. We have fucking resources, Simon. I don’t need to do your job for you. Have them call me when they get set up,” I say and push the disconnect button.
Normally, I don’t fucking bother trying to push my weight like that, but I really don’t give a fuck right now. If Jude was around and available, I’d have his ass here. But he’s busy, so it is what it is.
Jude’s another problem I need to figure out. He’s… he’s going to be a total asshole when he figures out I’ve finally fallen like the other guys.
The rain hasn’t let up since it started today. And with all the fucking lightning and thunder, my poor Mitzy is probably having a fucking heart attack right now without me.
I start to open my door. “Let’s get this over with.”
“What over with?” Sophia asks as she starts to open her own door.
“Stay the hell there,” I snap at her before reaching over and yanking her door shut.