My heart jumps. “Hm?”
“Well, you explained how your father felt he was unworthy of love, and because of it, he almost lost your mom. So perhaps, your pendulum is swinging the complete opposite way. You freely tell women you love them because you’d rather swing and miss, than not swing at all.”
“I don’t actually love Darcy,” I answer quickly. “I become friends with people, male and female. And when we’re friends, I have love for them. So I might see them out at the club or something, we’ll smile and dance, I’ll tell them I love them, and then I’ll move along. That’s not a psychological flaw. It’s being a good person.”
“And when you told me you loved me?”
“Wait,” Sonia jerks. “Huh?”
“Last week,” Allyson continues on as I push up to sit on the couch.
This isn’t going the way I’d intended. I was aiming for smug and annoying; instead, I’m actually getting my head examined.
“I saw Luke at the bakery,” she says, “and just as I was wrapping up a phone call with my mom, I told her I love her. Luke, a stranger to me, stopped and told me he loved me back.”
“I was kidding.” I scowl. “I was just, ya know, playing around.”
“Oh, I understand.” Allyson settles on crossing her ankles and leans forward to use her superwoman powers of x-ray vision to see inside my brain. “I’m asking if you think you’re joking like that because of what your parents went through. I’m not condemning you,” she adds on. “Mostly, I’m theorizing and, ya know… just wondering.”
I look to Sonia. “I’m uncomfortable.”
Sonia smiles, looks to Allyson, and without a single word being spoken, gooses her guest along and has the room cleared within a minute.
“You like her.” As soon as the door closes and Allyson’s intoxicating scent leaves with her, Sonia sets her teacup down and stares deep into my eyes. “You’re the eternal bachelor, the one who doesn’t explain his feelings to anyone, because he’s insistent on not having feelings. But this new woman comes to town, and just maybe you like what you see.”
“I always like what I see when I look at women.” I push to my feet and storm across the room to a melting iced coffee. I know who it belongs to, and I know it’s gonna be delicious. So I snatch it up and take a long drink. “Women are beautiful. Women have sexy lines, and beautiful curves, and soft skin. Their hair is always nice, and their smiles are like a drug.” I meet Sonia’s eyes. “Women were the universe’s smartest creation, because life would be boring as fuck if we didn’t have them around to admire.”
“You objectify them.” She lifts both brows with disapproval. “You place value in their looks, and not their personality or brains.”
“No, a beautiful woman is only beautiful for a moment. It’s like looking at a flower, right? Beautiful, for sure, but it gets boring before long. That minute is fun, but if she doesn’t have the personality, then it’s not really worth the price of admission.”
“Crass.” She sniffs and flattens her lips. “But I understand. So, you like Allyson’s personality?”
“I don’t even know her personality! I’ve seen her twice ever. She’s kinda fun to tease, because she’s a little bit uptight, but beneath that, I bet she’s kinda wild. She loves her mom, she drinks surprisingly good coffee.” I take another long pull and grunt as the ice-cold liquid runs down my throat. “And she’s smart. I already knew she was, I even said it to Rob, ‘bet she’s smart. A doctor or something.’ And hell, a beautiful woman who is also smart? That’s like the jackpot right there.”
“So you do like her? You admit it?”
“I’d like to see her… alone… in my bedroom. And then we’d stress test whatever the hell she is. But I don’t, like, want feelings. Besides, what the hell does any of that have to do with why we’re here? I’m a dangerous criminal, no? Anger management, court orders, going to jail if I don’t straighten out.”
“Oh please.” Sonia scoffs and pours fresh tea from a floral teapot on the side table. “You’re a pussycat with Herculean levels of self-restraint. You’ve been trained all of your life to fight, to disable, and to hurt. You were ganged up on by three large men, and you won, but you did it without violence. You disabled those men, you removed your… uh…” She coughs to clear away awkwardness. “Lady companion, so that she was not in danger, and then you left. There was no anger. There was merely method, and a means to an end. That’s restraint, Luke. That’s the opposite of any other client who comes in here to discuss rage issues.”
“She has pretty eyes.”
Sonia smirks and settles back into her seat. “Yes, she does. She has her father’s eyes.”
I jolt, and let my gaze whip back to hers. “You know her father?”
Smiling, she shakes her head. “No. I know of him, and of her mother too, but we’ve yet to speak. Does it bother you that the beautiful woman with nice eyes is also a therapist?”
“Well… no. I don’t know. If you’d asked me an hour ago, I would have said no. But now she’s analyzing me, and she said that thing about Dad.”
“It bothers you that she sees through the façade. She’s been learning for years, studying human behavior, trying to understand what someone is actually saying, even when they’re not speaking. And that makes you uncomfortable, because she’s not so stupid as to believe the act you put forward for the world. She knows it’s not the real you, and it took her only a few minutes to figure it out.”
“So what is the real me, huh?” I lean forward and challenge this nice old lady. “Who am I underneath?”
“A sweetheart.” She grins, and picks up her delicate teacup. “You’re in awe of your mom and dad’s relationship. You see the Hulk that he is, the one who can get overwhelmed or angry about things, and you see her, the balm that helps him settle. What you see is magic, Luke. And my professional opinion is that you’re deathly afraid of missing out on your own magic.” She stops, bounces her brows, and grins. “Am I close?”
“You’re a pain in my ass. And I’m done with today. Can you tell the judge I stayed for my whole hour?”
“Sure.” She sits back and chills the fuck out. “You’ve been ordered here for anger management. But we’ve already established you’re not angry about anything. So I see no harm in you leaving early today.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” I approach the office door, and swing it halfway open before stopping. “I’ll see you next week.”
“Goodbye, Luke.” She smirks and brings that infuriating fucking tea to her lips. “Take care and tell Jon I said hello.”
“Casey!”
I step through my mom and dad’s front door, but stop when the scent of pumpkin and spices smacks me in the face.
“Casey fucking Hart!” My dad stomps through the living room and points at a blanket in earthy browns draped over the couch.
It’s a pretty blanket, of course. As are the candles. And the sign at the front door. But the thing is, I was here only two hours ago, and in the time I’ve been gone, a tornado has passed through the living room and spewed a seasonal change all over it.