“I’ve gotta piss.” Rob takes one last shot, drops the glass onto the soaked bartop, then pushing to his feet, he turns away and leaves his stool open for point-three seconds before someone else slides in and tempts me to slam their head against the bar.
I look to my right to see who I’m slamming, only for my eyes to take a second to figure out that I’m looking at a woman, and not an annoying man. I’m not drunk or anything. I’m just… chilled the fuck out and smiling a lot.
Dark hair that goes to the middle of her back, a top that doesn’t cover nearly as much skin as her hair does, and cherry red lips. She sits tall on the stool and gives me my minute to ogle her beautiful body.
“Wanna talk ratios?” Her voice is like a cat’s purr. Smooth like silk, sweet like sugar. “Because an eight-to-one average interests me.”
“You’re looking for my brother. He’s the martyr in bed. That ain’t me.”
“So what’s your ratio?”
I smile, wide and weird. Then I shrug. “I dunno. I stick to a much more modest three-to-one or so. Enough that I’ve never had complaints, but not so much that I feel used and tossed aside when she’s done.”
“You don’t wanna feel used and discarded?”
“No! I have feelings, ya know?” I extend a hand as this chick laughs that girly, flirty laugh chicks do. ‘Cause I’m funny as fuck. “I’m Luke.”
“And I’m Kelly.” She takes my hand and holds on for a moment longer than normal. She flutters her lashes, and smiles a perfect smile. “I’m traveling through town and won’t be here beyond tomorrow.”
Okay. So maybe I’m a tad drunk, because I bob my head and give her words serious consideration.
“So you’re looking for… a tour guide?”
She flashes a wide smile. “That would be convenient. I, uh… I notice the guy with the eight-to-one ratio looks an awful lot like you.”
“We were in our mom’s guts at the same time. But I,” I jab a thumb at my own chest, “was out first.”
“Overachiever,” Kelly laughs. “You ever put much thought into simple math?”
“I… you…” I close one eye, and when that doesn’t help, I tilt my head. “I don’t get it.”
Grinning, she sits tall, and brings the tip of her finger to the top of her strappy shirt. She draws my eyes down, and teases like she’s done this a million times before. “So, there are two of you, right? And you’re both sexy as hell. His eight and your three makes eleven orgasms… and then there’s little ol’ me.”
“Two of us?” I jolt back just a little, and try not to pay any mind to the bulge in my jeans. “You’re, uh… well. You ain’t shy, are you?”
She grabs one of the shots that sits forgotten by my arm and throws it back so she swallows in one go. Bringing her beautiful eyes back to mine, she touches her plump lips and holds me prisoner. “We only get one life, right? And I can’t say this isn’t on my bucket list.”
“Luke, I—” Rob stops beside me, mid-sentence, mid-whatever-the-fuck-was-on-his-mind. His eyes lock onto Kelly’s, and he does what I do – tilted head, full attention. “Hello.”
“Rob,” I look to him with a smile, then back to my new friend. “This is Kelly.”
Rob’s smile is replaced with a sour grimace. Though it’s possible I’m a little too tipsy to truly notice.
“She’s visiting our good town, will be gone tomorrow, and likes simple math. As in, two plus one equals thirteen orgasms.”
“Huh…” He purses his lips and seems to give it genuine thought. “You got a friend you want to bring in? Is it that other chick I just met near the bathrooms? Because she was just, wow.” He looks around like he has stars in his eyes. “Rhino’s doesn’t always have so many beautiful women in on the same night, but I guess tonight’s one of those unicorn nights.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “And they call me the crazy one.” I look to Kelly and offer my hand once more. “I don’t wanna fuck with my brother. I like him and all, but they already accuse us of being obnoxiously codependent, so this is a line we probably shouldn’t cross. However,” I add when her smile drops. “Rob is sweet, and much more generous than I am. Enjoy your eight orgasms, and if you’re feeling extra perky, maybe blow him twice so he knows what’s possible when a girl isn’t a selfish twat. As for me…”
A flash of color grabs my attention from across the room. I have to look past a stage, through a pair of open legs, and into a cloud of cigarette smoke, but I see her, and she’s calling me.
“I’m meeting up with a friend.” I release Kelly’s hand and clap Rob on the back. “Don’t drive. Enjoy your orgasms. Be as loud as you need to be, I won’t even get mad if I hear you guys later.” I push off the stool and remain close until Rob can slide in so no other fucker tries. “It was nice to meet you, beautiful Kelly. Let me know how he does.”
I move away from them, and make my way around a stage of female dancers – two thirds of which aren’t wearing anything above their thongs. High heels, long legs… some wear wigs, and others go au naturel. I scoot around a group of guys scamming on a group of women, and hold my breath as I’m forced to walk through a thick cloud of cigarette smoke.
The whole time I move, I use her hair like a beacon in the sea.
Red and beautiful, but it’s a darker red, mysterious and dangerous. In a fairytale, she would be the evil queen. But instead of that scaring me, it intrigues the shit out of me.
She’s dressed in a little black dress, skyscraper heels, and with the cat-like eyeliner thing girls do to their eyes. She’s a smart, Ivy League-educated, classy therapist during the day. But now, in this dark club, she could pass as an expensive girl for hire.
I stop by her shoulder, and grin when they both come up high. Defensive and unimpressed.
“I told you to go away.” Ally doesn’t even look at me. Rather, she holds onto her drink of – I lean closer and smell – vodka, and watches the dancing girls like the lights and movement truly entertain her. “I don’t want this to be a thing where I have to ask you to leave,” she continues, “and when you don’t, I’m forced to kick you in the nuts and put you on the ground.”
I scoff and wish I’d brought a drink over with me. My hands are empty, and the fact is, I’m entirely too drunk to not wanna touch. “You won’t kick me in the nuts.” I sidle up beside her, lean against the wall, since I guess no one is giving up their seat for her, and smile when her shoulder touches my arm and her breath stops for just a moment. “You look beautiful, by the way.”
“Uh huh. Thanks. You’re drunk.”
“Not, like, sloppy drunk. Just fun drunk. It’s the kinda drunk that usually gets me a mugshot, but the good news is, I’m always smiling in those shots.”
“Awesome. Did you change your shirt since I last saw you? Are you the kind of drunk who spills their alcohol and goes home smelling like an old bucket of slops?”
“I mean…” I lean closer and sniff her hair – strawberries and hot sex. “I showered. But I don’t spill. I never spill. This ain’t bush week.”