“I will not sleep with you. I can’t! And even if I wanted to—”
“You do want to.” He places his hands on my thighs and looks up into my eyes. “Don’t fucking lie to me. Omit, avoid, change the subject. But don’t fucking lie. Don’t ever look me in the eyes and lie. It’s a hard line for me.”
I sigh, push up to my feet, and skirt around his bulky frame. “I have to go home. In last night’s dress, so that’ll be fun.”
“Walk of shame.” He pushes to his feet and turns to me in nothing more than gray sweatpants that have the bulge – the bulge! – that draws every woman’s eyes for a fifty-mile radius. “I can drive you, if you want.”
“Actually, despite how heavy you are, I doubt you’re legally allowed to drive right now. That bottle of Jäger says you’re not allowed to operate heavy machinery until at least after dinner tonight.”
“I could walk with you.”
He moves across his room and digs around in one of his many washing baskets. Pulling out a tank, he shrugs it on to complete his jailyard bad-boy look that women lose their minds over.
I’m women. It’s me.
Dammit.
“We could walk past Dixie’s and see what’s happening,” he teases. “She’ll be so pissed when she realizes she forgot to lock up that poor llama last night.”
“Honest to god, Luke. I have no clue who the hell Miss Dixie is, or where we got the llama from.”
Snorting, he bends to search for a pair of socks. “I know exactly who Dixie is, and where the llama came from. She’s a bitch, so we stole the ice cream a lonnnnng time ago just to fuck with her. We switched the first one out with the second—”
“The llama?”
“Right. And it’s been the funniest shit for years. But I dunno. Taking the llama too feels like we’re bordering on cruel.” He straightens out with a pair of socks and meets my eyes. “You busy tonight?”
“What? Why?”
“We gotta sneak that bastard back to where he came from. And call me crazy, but I bet it’ll be a thousand times more difficult than it was for us to get it here in the first place. She’s gonna have Checkmate Security all up in that shop soon. Then we’re all fucked. Especially,” he adds with a flourishing wave of his hand, “when word gets out that Checkmate was holding on to the statue for years.”
“I don’t– This is just…” I press a hand to my forehead and turn to the bedroom door. “I can’t handle this right now. I’m going home.”
“Wait and I’ll walk you.”
But I don’t wait. I move into the hall and slow when I reach the living room to find the other brother lounging back on the couch. He’s still shirtless, his sweatpants are annoyingly alluring, just like his brother’s. His arms are resting on the back of the couch, he has the TV remote in one hand, and both feet on the coffee table in front of him. Beside him, best-friend-Emma sits with her feet on his thigh while she paints her toes and pokes a tongue out for concentration.
The brother – Rob – glances over and gifts me with a lazy smile when I don’t move. “Your name’s Allyson, right?”
“Um…” I wring my hands together and try to swallow down my nerves. “Ally. I’m Ally. And you’re…”
“The victim of mistaken identity. For the millionth time in my life.” He doesn’t get up or bump Emma as she works, but he extends a hand and winks when I move forward and take it. “Nice to meetcha, Ally. It was fun.”
“For you, maybe. Mostly, I’m making plans to purchase cement shoes and visit the lake.”
“Don’t do that,” he chuckles and releases my hand. “That wouldn’t be fun at all. You coming back?”
“Er…” I look around the room and chew on my bottom lip. “Nope. I’m probably gonna move to Arkansas after this. It’s unlikely we’ll ever see each other again. So… have a great life, living with your equally hot twin brother and fucking with women’s minds.”
“It’s easy to tell them apart after a minute.” Emma paints slow, careful strokes of hot pink onto her big toe. “They talk different. They walk different. They have different scars. And Luke has this one tiny chip in his incisor tooth,” she stops painting, and gestures toward her own pointy tooth. “We were playing tee-ball a while back at my family’s estate, and when Rob swung out with the bat – titanium, mind you – Luke was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Knocked him the hell out, chipped that tooth, and when he came to, he decided he wanted to finish the game.”
“Of course he did.” I shake my head. “And the tooth?”
She shrugs and goes back to painting. “We suspect he swallowed the bit that broke off. It’s not a lot. Barely noticeable at first glance, but if you’re ever in doubt, line them up, make them smile, and you’ll find which one is which.”
“Unless, of course, Rob chips the same tooth.”
“Can I be the one holding the bat?” She grins and waves her hand over her toes like that’ll help the drying process. “He pisses me off, and I think hitting him would be therapeutic as fuck.”
“Jesus.” Rob rolls his eyes. “She’s using her big girl words today.”
“Fuck you, Fart. Change the channel. I don’t wanna watch Ninja Warrior.”
“You’re not even watching the fucking TV,” he snaps back. “You’re using the stinky paint to summon the weird folks with foot fetishes.”
“I’m painting my nails. Stupid. Change the channel.”
“I’m just going to let myself out.” I leave the friends on the couch to bicker, and hurry into the kitchen to collect my things. I bypass the messy table and my half-drunk coffee. I snatch my clutch, and check inside for my phone, then I take one last look at the llama before I reach the door.
I don’t know if I’m going to prison today, and I have no clue if I’m going to have a job after all this, but the least I can do is not be here when the police arrive.
I open the front door in silence, and step into the hall without being called back, but then Luke skids through the kitchen in one shoe and one sock. “Allyson, wait. I said I’d walk with you.”
“Um… no. I don’t think so.” I tuck my clutch under my arm and smile for him. It’s small and fake, but considering I’m about to do the walk of shame right down Main Street, I think I’m entitled to my moment of falsity. “I’m going home, I’m going to shower and sleep. And then next week, when you’re back in the office, I’d really appreciate it if you could keep this and that separate.”
I take another step into the hall, and keep hold of the door handle – a type of defense, I think, so that I control when it closes. “I’ll see you around, okay?”
Luke’s expression falls. Dejection, rejection, and flat out ‘what did I do wrong?’
I pull the door closed and latch it with a soft snick. Turning away, I pass a cracked-open door, and fake a smile for an elderly lady who watches me through the gap.
Brushing a hand over my hair, I groan at how messy it feels.