Sonia was cruising on an air of frustration, perhaps, with a side of indifference. But mention her family in the same sentence as ‘crime,’ and she turns tense in a split second.
“What crime did you commit, Luke Hart?”
I flash a wide grin and lean forward to snatch the iced coffee Ally once again left sitting on the table. “Let me first explain how, at the club, Ally told me to beat it. She couldn’t and wouldn’t get drunk with, or sleep with, a client. I tried for the gray area, what with the fact that I’m your client, and not hers. But she held strong on that point.”
“Comforting,” Sonia drawls. “Keep going.”
“So, I couldn’t get her to bend on the sleeping together stuff, and trust me, I tried.”
This woman, this old-as-the-earth-itself woman doesn’t blush at my words. Instead, she rolls her eyes. “I’m certain you tried hard.”
“But I did get her to drink with me. We laughed, we chatted, we drank a little more. Then she was looking at some other dude, whom I happen to know for a fact is a complete douchebag. She was all, ‘Oh, I don’t know how to pick someone up in a club. I’m so innocent and wonderful.’ So then she ‘innocently’ looks at this guy, which in club-speak is basically flashing him, right?”
Sonia shakes her head. “Okay.”
“So I did the right thing and removed Ally from the club. But don’t forget at this point, we were drunk as fuck, so our exit and subsequent walk home was loud and stumbling.”
“To be young again.” She sips her tea and smiles behind the lip of the cup. “Sorry, go on.”
“We saw the chief, we got a talking-to by him, he instructed me to walk her home and keep my hands to myself.”
“Of course.”
“But… are you ready? Because here’s where the crime comes into play. And if you promise to reserve judgment until the very end, I suspect you’ll think it’s hilarious.”
“Doubtful.” She folds her ankles and sits taller, all attention on me. “But I promise to reserve judgment. Go.”
Ally
Need A New Job
Galileo is a Great Dane who has a job. One single job. And he does it well.
I sit outside Sonia’s office building in the warm sun and try my very best not to squint – lest I create wrinkles that I’ll regret later – but right beside me, the two-hundred-pound, heavyweight, non-pedigree killer sits and smiles with his tongue lolling to the side. Beside him, Nora, his owner, sits so her shoulder touches mine, and beside her, some guy she introduced to me as Kane, who is, quite frankly, the scariest dude I’ve ever met in my life.
Between us, we create a Mexican standoff of sorts. Me, a dog, a trauma victim with a snarky attitude, and a guy who has more ink than skin. He’s two hundred something pounds of killer too, but unlike the dog, he has an actual effing gun on his hip, and his hair is cut close enough to the scalp that I’m certain he does it that way so no one in prison can pull it.
You’re being a judgmental bitch, Allyson!
But it’s not all me. I swear. Kane doesn’t help his case, because he doesn’t smile; there’s no kindness in his eyes, just ferocity and a clear ‘I’ll slit your fucking throat if you look at the girl or the dog the wrong way.’
“So…” I cough away my nerves. “Like, is he your security guard or something?”
Nora seems to be in no rush, feels no pressure to do any damn thing today except sit in the sun and study the flowers that will soon die when the frosts hit. She breathes in and out, slowly, relaxed, and lets her smile creep up. “Galileo? Yeah. I trained him to incapacitate anyone who farts too close to me.”
“Um… no.” My eyes go to Kane’s. He watches me, dark and dangerous. “Him. The, uh… Kane.”
“Oh.” Nora snorts and gives Galileo a scratch on the ear when he leans in for it. “No, the opposite. Kane looks kinda badass, but he’s actually terrified of cussing women. So in reality, I’m his security team. That gun on his hip is really only for water. And sometimes, if he’s heading toward a flock of loud women, he’ll fill it with Holy Water. Ya know, just to be sure.”
Kane continues to stare. Midnight black eyes. No blinking.
“I… uh… I don’t believe you.”
“Here. Let me show you.”
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small baggie of dog treats. Galileo drops to his rump with a loud thump the second the bag comes into view, and because he did, Nora rewards him with a single treat. Then she grabs a second, and poises her hand in a ready-to-toss position.
“He’s more robot now, than human,” she explains of Kane. “But not the smart kind of robot. Rather, he’s like something someone took out of a Roomba vacuum.” She tosses the treat, and smothers her snicker when it smacks Kane’s chiseled jaw and falls to his lap. “Honestly, he’s not a very good Roomba either. He makes messes. He doesn’t clean them up.” She grabs another treat, aims her throw, and tosses it so it smacks his broad chest. “He’s harmless.” She offers the bag to me. “Wanna try?”
“Um…” I look into Kane’s eyes as they bore into my soul. Choosing life, I shake my head, fold my arms, and settle further back into my chair. “I don’t wanna piss this Roomba off. But thanks for the offer.”
“Good fucking choice.” Fast as a whip, Kane lunges over Nora, grabs the bag of treats, and tears it open like Hulk Hogan tears a phone book in half.
Nora screams as treats rain down over her head, and Galileo dives in to collect as many as he can before his owner stops thrashing.
“Quit it!” she squeals and tries to kick Kane away. Laughing, tears in her eyes, she rolls into a ball and bats at the heavy army-commando-looking guy whose gun, I suspect, is very much real. “Kane!” she screams. “Galileo. Attack! Get him! Tear his balls off.”
“Don’t fuck with me.” Kane shoves Nora’s head to the side and elicits another round of snorting giggles. “I ain’t afraid of no woman. Ever!”
“Kane?”
“Agh!” he shouts when Sonia steps through the doorway, jumping back with fright. “Dammit, woman. You scared the shit out of me!”
My heart thuds as my great-grandmother stops in the doorway and folds her arms. She studies Kane with a definite kind of love in her eyes, she smiles for a slumped-over Nora, but when she gets to me, her friendliness falters.
I’m in trouble. I’m probably out of a job, too.
Luke steps up behind her, he meets my eyes and smiles, but he drops it again when I glance away.
If I’m in trouble with my boss, then he’s in trouble with me.
“Nora,” Sonia begins, “you can head on in, if you like. I’ll be ready for you in just a moment.” Then she looks to Kane and mock-scowls. “Do you have yourself under control, Kane Bishop?”
This guy is big – we’ve already established that – but his skin comes with a tan that must surely be a deterrent for blushing. But no. Warmth colors his cheeks as he submits under Sonia’s glare. “Yes’m.”