“Do you mind if I…” I wave toward my car as we return to Liam’s gym, the thought of facing the other Tridents just now making my skin heat.
Turning me toward him, Cullen takes my chin into his strong hand. “We’ll be here again Friday morning. Are you coming back?” he asks, his voice controlled despite the pulse beating hard against the side of his neck. “To train, I mean. Are you coming back Friday to train?”
I bite my lip, willing myself to not look at his mouth. To not think about his large, large cock pounding through my channel. “Unless I learned everything today, I guess I’d better,” I whisper.
“Good.” Releasing me with a suddenness that I don’t know how to interpret, Cullen opens my car door for me, staying still with his hands draped behind his back until he disappears from my rearview mirror.
Blowing out a slow deliberate breath, I shake my head. How is it even possible for a man to make my body come alive one moment and shut me out a few breaths later, retreating completely into his stony self? More to the point, how much pain am I setting myself up for by letting any part of me want someone who I know I will never truly reach?
I try and fail to get Cullen out of my head for the next two days and have just settled myself enough to do my work by Thursday morning when Jaz shows up with climbing gear and undoes all my righteous effort.
“All right, spill,” she says, zipping a windbreaker over her climbing jacket. We’re doing a last gear check before shouldering our packs, the call of the Pikes Peak mountains already singing through me. I’m not surprised the WorldROCK, the nationwide climbing tournament that’s coming in shortly, has chosen this area for this year. Up above, the sun is out and the sky is an almost iridescent blue, but any time the wind picks up, it’s cutting. Jaz pulls her hair back into a ponytail, tucking it under a fleece cap. “All Kyan would tell me is that you came to training Tuesday, and Cullen worked with you. I want details.”
My face heats despite the chill, and I turn away, quickly putting on my pack. I can’t help wondering exactly how much Kyan told her. Hell, I can’t help wondering how much he and the other Tridents know about what happened. The guys don’t seem to have secrets between them, but Cullen isn’t the talkative kind either and—
“Sky?”
Shit. Realizing I’ve been quiet too long to now veer off topic without raising suspicion, I clear my throat and start us into motion. “It was intense. Have you ever seen them train?”
“Oh yeah. They are competitive as shit—have been since high school. Screaming into each other’s faces and pushing buttons. It’s like part of their toughness depends on who can be the biggest asshole, you know?” She frowns and suddenly gets in front of me, cutting off my path. With her fists planted on her hips and the mountain rising high behind her, Jaz looks like a girl on a postcard. “If the bastards hurt you, I’m going to put poison ivy in Kyan’s sheets.”
“No. Nothing like that,” I assure her quickly. “Well, Cullen wasn’t exactly gentle putting me through my paces”—or through other things—“but—”
“Oh. My. God.” Jaz’s face transforms into impish delight, the girl bouncing on her toes once before grabbing my arm and pulling me along on the trail. “Never play poker, Sky. I’ve seen sunsets dimmer than that blush. Spill. I love new developments.”
I scowl, but Jaz has me pretty well nailed down. Plus, I’m so confused that I wouldn’t mind her bit of common sense given that I’m pretty sure I’ve lost all mine somewhere. “We had…a one-off. An intense and very pleasurable one-off. Which is going to make for some awkward-as-hell moments when I see him next, but it is what it is.”
“So…you aren’t the least bit interested?” Jaz clarifies. “Beyond the mind-blowing exercise.”
“It’s more that we don’t actually really know each other.”
“Let’s see, what do we know of Cullen?” says Jaz, pulling a pair of granola bars out of her side pocket and handing one to me. “He’s gorgeous. Buff. A billionaire. A philanthropist. He saves lives on a daily basis. I mean, if you spot major drawbacks to any of that, let me know.”
“The part about him being an overprotective jerk who thinks he has a say over how my life should go might be one.” I bite into the bar, the sweet and salty taste reminding me too much of the man we’re discussing. “Oh, and he’s my boss.”
“And his eyes follow you everywhere you go. When we were at the barbecue, every time I peeked up, he was staring at you.” Jaz grins conspiratorially. “I’m telling you, he watches you like a starved man eyeing prime rib laid out on a plate for him.”
Well, I’d definitely been laid out for him…
I think of how his hands felt on me as we lay on that spongy forest ground, his groan reverberating through my body, and feel myself getting wet all over again. But… But there’s also the other side of the man. The Hyde to the Jekyll. “Looks aside, what do you know about Cullen?” I ask.
“Not as much as you’d think. I’m six years younger, and Kyan was always devoted to keeping me out of the loop—but I know Cullen is from Denton Valley originally, just like Bar was. There was some issue at Cullen’s middle school, and his folks carted him off to military school as a punishment. Then he took to it, went to Annapolis with the guys, and then tried out for the SEALs. He didn’t wash out, obviously. None of them did. Then he got out after Bar died and came here.”
“To his family?” I ask. He’s never mentioned them. Actually, Cullen has never mentioned anything about himself, which makes me unreasonably curious. Curious and discouraged. With how intensely closed off Cullen is, a relationship beyond sex might not be possible even if I wanted it. Not that I do.
“Nope. His mom got remarried and moved away after his father died. He came back here because of Addie. Bar’s Addie. They all go way back. Anyway, none of the guys re-upped after that, and within a few months of the funeral, they were all here for good. And don’t ask what happened to Bar—none of them talk about it, though Kyan was nearby. He got hurt in the same op.”
“Wait, seriously? You don’t even know what happened to Kyan?”
“That’s right,” she confirms. “You know how closed-off Cullen is—well, they’re all like that. Don’t get me wrong, it drives me flipping crazy. But I’ve learned the hard way that maintaining any sort of relationship with my brother means letting that sort of thing go.”
I chew on Jaz’s words as the ascent becomes too steep to continue the conversation. The small glimpse Cullen had given me into his nightmares is probably a great deal more than most people will ever learn about the man. I wonder what Jaz would say if she knew I’d found Cullen’s PTSD meds. That I’ve seen him flinch in the middle of the night. That instead of telling me to leave when he relived his horrors, he’d tucked me close and let my presence settle him to sleep.
For the next ninety minutes, the cliff swallows all my concentration—which is what I’ve always loved about rock climbing. It requires all your physical and mental strength at once. No room for problems or outside worries when you’re on the side of a mountain. I find it incredibly freeing.