Everyone was smiling. But even I could tell they were a little… embarrassed by her. “Grandma June looks like she wants to wash your mouth out with soap.”
“Oh, she did,” Mom said. “Two parents and two siblings, and they were the most strait-laced squares on the planet. Still are. They liked our house to be quiet and untouched. Spotless and absent of joy. They enjoyed smooth jazz and respectable pop and thought punk rock was the devil’s music.”
“So they weren’t anarchists?” I asked with a wry smile.
“Oh, they would have rather run through the street naked than talk about the things I was passionate about. They made fun of me all the time.”
I stilled, looked up at Mom. My cheeks were hot from being so honest, but her arm around my shoulders was a comfort.
“I missed you so much last year,” she said. “I know you were off, pursuing what was important to you. I want that for you. But now, knowing how easily I made you feel the way I felt growing up… well, I won’t let it happen again. We won’t.”
I put the picture down. “It’s okay. Really. You love me so much—”
“It’s not okay,” she said firmly. “It has nothing to do with love and everything to do with respect. You, Fiona Quinn, were born with so much self-assurance I didn’t know what to do with you. You were so confident, and so smart, and your father and I couldn’t have been prouder of your accomplishments. I forget sometimes that you’re human, like the rest of us. That means we need to honor your choices and uplift them.”
I sighed, relieved. “I know I’m a lawyer, but I’m not evil. And what we do isn’t evil. If it was, I wouldn’t do it.”
“I know, dear,” she said. “And I’m sorry. It adds up, over time, those little cuts. I remember. And I could sense you pulling away because of it.”
I looked down at my coffee cup. “My job makes it hard to see you guys. Your schedule isn’t normal. I go without sleep a lot to see you guys on your timetable. Maybe we could do, like, Sunday morning pancakes sometimes?”
Our Friday morning pancake tradition had always been a favorite. I just—literally—had to bend over backwards to get here for it given my job. And then I spent it stressed out and anxious and secretly mad that my parents never seemed to notice how inconvenient it was.
“Done,” she said. “Traditions are for destroying anyway. Progress is the only thing that matters. And we should keep talking about this, okay?”
I laughed, let her kiss the top of my head before she walked back to the skillet. “Okay. I’d like that.”
“And for what it’s worth,” she said. “I believe this heartache will be temporary.”
“I’ll find someone new,” I said.
Roxy strolled in, wearing Edward’s shirt and black yoga pants. “No way, babe. Mom and I talked about this last night after you fell asleep.”
“Um, good morning? And what are you talking about?”
Mom turned around and handed me a plate with a giant omelet. I could have wept. “Don’t you think Max made a mistake?” she asked.
I’d spent two weeks without sleep. And just had a sweet talk with my mother. And had a pit bull asleep on my lap and an older sister refilling my coffee cup. I was as safe and protected as ever. And so I told them the hard truth. “I really, really do. Because I’m head-over-heels in love with Max, and I think we’re meant to be together forever. Here or in California or anywhere.”
Roxy punched her fist into the air. “That’s the spirit. Now what are you going to do about it?”
I shoveled bacon into my mouth. “I don’t know. Get day drunk with you today and then mope around until I fall asleep?”
“Try again, Fi.”
I sighed, put the plate down. Thought about Max on that bike with me, the way he spoke of his motorcycle as a form of total liberation.
The way he thought I’d secretly enjoy it.
It’s a machine that takes whatever the fuck it wants, whenever it wants. It crushes speed limits and dominates bends in the road. And in a race? It always wins.
What would it be like to go get Max? Because even if he turned me down—and it was likely he would—maybe riding a metal death-machine by myself across the country would be my own form of liberation? The last time I’d taken a vacation was never, and a few weeks cross-country might go far in mending my heart. This plan felt terrifying and reckless, but I was discovering that true love was a risky leap after all.
“I can see you coming up with a bad-ass idea,” Roxy said
“Really?” I waggled my eyebrows, teasing her. I was Fiona fucking Quinn after all. I didn’t kiss Max and dance for hours and blow up my systems and crowd surf with my sister and let myself finally feel for nothing.
I’d wanted to take a risk.
This was a damn risk.
“What if we went motorcycle shopping today?” I asked.
My mom and Roxy said, “Yes, absolutely” in unison.
“I’ve always loved a motorcycle.” Mom sighed. “And you can learn very quickly.”
“There’s nothing more dramatic than going to get your hot man on a hot bike,” Roxy said.
Edward walked in, yawning. “What on earth are the Quinns up to now?”
“Going motorcycle shopping so I can ride all the way across the country and convince Max he made a big mistake and that we’re soul mates,” I said, all in one breath.
Edward considered it. Poured himself a cup of coffee. “This seems like the typical blend of chaos and spontaneity this family is known for. So I say let’s buy a bloody motorcycle.”
I laughed. And then googled, how do you ride a motorcycle?
48
Max
Two weeks later
Charlie took my keys and my documents, even though he still looked confused. “I am sorry it didn’t work out. I’m a little surprised, is all.”
I ran a hand through my hair. Looked around at this shop I’d dreamed of working in for years.
It was funny how those things changed once more important things demanded your attention.
“I wish I had a better answer for you,” I said. “But I need to be home right now, and there are a hundred mechanics just as talented who would do anything for this job. They deserve it. Not me.”
Charlie nodded, mouth tight. “You’ve been a little out of it. Everything okay back home?”
Just that I realized Fiona Quinn is my soul mate and I intend to beg her for forgivingness for years if she’ll take me back.
“Things are fine,” I said. “I really need to be around my family and friends more. Took getting all the way out here for me to realize it. Thank you for this opportunity. I’ll never forget the bikes I got to work on. Real once-in-a-lifetime shit.”
Charlie clapped me on the shoulder. “Good luck.”
I strolled back through the shop, waving goodbye to the mechanics I’d barely gotten to know because I didn’t feel like it. My fourth week here was, by far, the worst. I missed Fiona, thought about her, dreamed about her, thought I saw her everywhere I went. Mateo and Pop staged a video intervention at the end of the third week, and I spilled my guts to them both.