Ash’s mind was reeling. Merc sounded so earnest. He was drawing her in to his game. She had to keep herself separate from him, at least until they got back to Colorado, where she could seek professional help.
But for now, the best she could do was keep one foot in her world and one in his.
“I don’t see how I can be of service to your cause, Merc. I’m not a fighter. I’m not as strong as you are. I wouldn’t have survived what happened here.”
“I don’t need you to be a fighter, Ash. I need you to be my woman. I need you to be who I come home to. I need you to keep me tethered to a reality that’s worth fighting for. I need you to live the life of your dreams.”
“I don’t know anything about these Omnis you mentioned.”
“Flynn’s one of their golden sons. And if you don’t think he’d happily use you to get to us, to Guerre, think again.”
“Flynn said the robe was valuable, that he needed it to make an exchange. Do you think he wanted to trade it for Guerre?”
“Probably.”
Ash folded her arms. “I don’t want to be involved with this. I want you, for a fact, but I also want my old reality. I want this to all be just a bad dream.”
“I am a bad dream. I am my own nightmare. But I will respect your choice. I can wipe all of this from your mind as soon as we get back to Colorado. I can give you back your world.”
Ash sighed. Merc was so tangled up in his game that he couldn’t separate himself from it. He still believed he could manipulate her mind. “My world, but without you in it.”
“This nightmare and I are a package deal.” He shrugged. “All or nothing.”
26
They’d spent the whole day waiting for Merc’s mysterious friend to show himself. It was dark in the cover of the trees, but bright where moonlight broke through. He didn’t light a lantern because he wanted to spare Ash the bugs it would attract.
The silence between them became as loud as the jungle. “Tell me about your family,” Ash said, “if it’s not too painful…”
“It is painful. Tina and I were high-school sweethearts. We got married the summer we graduated.”
Ash smiled. “Were you crazy in love?”
“I was crazy in lust. I think I had the maturity of a twelve-year-old boy. Honestly, I don’t think I grew up until I was here, in the camps. She deserved better than me. I loved her, sure, but was it the kind of love that carried through an entire life? I don’t think so. I joined the Army—to support us and because I wanted the adventure it offered. I wasn’t very good at domestic life. I was faithful to her in only one sense—I didn’t take up with other women, but my heart was never in the home she built for us.”
“So being a mutant is your dream job?” She frowned. “Is this game your job?”
“Maybe. I don’t know where I end and the game starts, Ash. A lot of things aren’t making sense to me and haven’t for a while.”
“I can understand that. I feel the same way. When you came along, you felt like the answer to the restlessness I’d been feeling.”
“Same.”
“You mentioned daughters?”
“Charlotte and Ava.” He went silent for a moment, staring into the dark woods. “I’ve learned how far-reaching the Omnis are, but it was surprising to discover how deep they’d infiltrated all governments—and the military. They got my unit to offer several of us a bonus if we’d participate in a study focused on enhancing our fighting abilities. I signed up right away. My family needed the bonus, and I was intrigued about the study. It was only supposed to be a three-month study. I only saw my family one more time before they died. I’d gone back to bring them in. Tina wanted nothing to do with what I’d gotten myself in to. We fought about it. She refused to come with me. A few months afterward, she called and said she’d changed her mind. I left immediately, but they were dead by the time I got back.”
Ash didn’t know what to say. That he was still torturing himself over it was clear. But she admired the amount of emotional work he’d done that let him be in a place where he was self-critical, yes, but also self-aware.
And hopefully learning to heal from what happened.
He looked at her with tortured eyes. “I fucking volunteered for this, Ash. I abandoned them to the Omnis.”
Ash let that confession hang in the air for a moment. The man had a soul made of razor blades. It was hard to get near him emotionally. “You didn’t do it knowingly. It’s just the path you chose.”
“I could have chosen a dozen different paths. I had options. I should have put my family first. I deserve to be”—he paused— “what I am.”
“That’s why you tried to kill yourself.”
He nodded. “Truthfully, love, I’m a dog’s breakfast. You’d be smart to put this behind you when we get back.”
“Too late. It has been ever since I felt your energy on my first visit to Valle de Lágrimas. I craved you. You’re why I came back. You said it was because of the Matchmaker pulling me back here, but it was because of you that I came. I needed more of you, even though I didn’t understand any of the pieces that I was seeing. And I know now I will always need you.” She climbed off the hood of the Jeep and went to stand between his spread legs, leaning against him as he leaned against the car.
He ran his fingers down her cheeks. A warm orange glow began to heat his eyes.
“How do you do that?” she asked.
He shook his head. “It’s one of many strange chemical reactions that are a side effect of our mutations. I can hide it, if you find it unnerving, but I’d rather just be myself around you.”
Ash bit her lip, then smiled. “I do find it unnerving, but I don’t care. It’s part of your magic. And I want you to be you.”
Merc’s eyes flamed bright. He shoved his hand into her hair, right at the base of her skull, and bent down to kiss her. Ash felt her whole body heat up as if the fire inside her matched the fire in his eyes. He deepened the kiss, drawing a moan from her as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
She couldn’t believe she had him here with her, the man Valle de Lágrimas thought dead, the one whose energy spoke right to her soul. He was alive, and in her arms. He was hers, and she was his…at least until she gave her final decision about stepping into his world.
He turned and lifted her by the waist to the hood of the Jeep. He continued kissing her as he slipped his hand under her shirt, his big palm pressing against her breast. She ran her nails against his scalp, teasing his senses.
Someone behind them coughed, making them both jump. Ash saw a tall man with a white beard and white linen outfit standing a good distance away.
Merc pulled his hands from her shirt. Resting them on her knees, he bent his forehead to hers and huffed a frustrated sigh. “Sorry, love. That paragon of rotten timing is Santo.”
“Don’t mind me,” Santo called out. “I’ve waited months for you. I can wait another, what—three minutes?”
Merc shook his head. “He’s an ass. But we need him. Wait here, right?”