Leaving a great deal of skin for my eyes to caress.
But as her giggle ripped me from my trance, I looked up to find her bounding toward me. She threw herself at me and I wrapped her up in my arms, allowing my lips to fall to hers. I couldn't wait to share dinner with her tonight. I couldn’t wait to have her for dessert before we passed out together.
I only hoped that Brooks never found out that I broke my promise.
Because if that happened? We’d all be dead.
Twelve
Astrid
The birds chirping outside caught my attention and my eyes slowly fell open. But it was the muscles pressing against my back and the strong arm around my waist that made me smile. I drew in a deep breath, inhaling the natural, musky scent of the man lying next to me.
And when I shifted to stare at Porter’s sleeping face, I couldn’t help but smile.
Last night had been fantastic, and not just because of the sex. After we dried off, we sat downstairs in our towels and ordered all sorts of food. We ordered seven different signature dishes from that Thai place before Porter decided to have some groceries delivered. And before I knew it, my kitchen was stocked with food, meat, snacks, and drinks.
So, I got the bright idea to make him breakfast.
I eased myself away from his grasp, though he tightened it around me a couple of times. His protective nature sent my gears turning, causing my pelvis to heat. But I finally slid out of bed and padded silently over to my suitcase. I dug out some sweatpants and a tank top before making my way downstairs, and as I came into the kitchen a thought crossed my mind.
What now?
I mean, sure, I had come back into town for Brooks’ sake. But if my brother really wanted nothing to do with me, then would I actually stay? Would there be a reason to? I had to admit this house held some dangerous and painful memories that I knew would eventually wash over me. Was it worth the heartache of staying in town if my own brother didn’t even want to be around me?
Then there was Porter. But the second my brother sniffed that out, he’d have it shut down by any means necessary. So, I had Porter now, but I knew I’d never have him forever. And plus, even if I wanted to stay by Porter’s side, he was part of the same crew my brother was. Eventually, he’d get distracted with things and leave me behind as well. That was what everyone in my life did.
Then, where would I be?
“Alone, that’s where,” I whispered.
I pulled out a dusty kitchen pan and washed it off in the sink. The water was still not running properly, but I didn’t care. Memories of what happened with Porter flashed through my mind, making my cheeks flush slightly.
The entire time I cooked breakfast, I wondered if my little tryst with Porter was a mistake. We had so many things already working against us that it almost seemed comical to think that we could actually be together. And plus, it wasn’t as if Porter came over of his own volition. I knew there was something going on with the club. I knew they were in trouble.
Which meant Brooks had sent him to look after me.
Pretty much says it all.
If my brother ever found out what happened between the two of us, he’d be pissed. I knew he’d beat Porter into oblivion, and I wasn’t so sure he wouldn’t run me out of town in the process. Granted, he didn’t have one foot to stand on, seeing as he’d been a shit brother lately. But his overprotective nature would never change. Brooks had always been hovering over my shoulder, making sure no one messed with me. It was one of the many reasons why I took off to L.A. in the first place.
So I could have a chance at living my own life.
Maybe that’s what he wanted—for me to leave.
“Something smells good in here.”
“Ah!”
Porter’s voice caught me off-guard and I jumped in fright. The pan of scrambled eggs almost went tumbling to the floor, but Porter reached around my body and caught the handle of the pan. He studied me with a curious stare as I pressed my back against the knobs of the stove, feeling the heat of the burner playing at the skin against my body.
Then, he placed the eggs on the backburner and took a step away from me.
“Want me to start the coffee?” he asked.
I let go of the breath I’d held. “Yeah, yeah. Sure. I’ve just gotta make some toast and we should be good to go.”
“What’s in the oven?”
“Bacon and sausage.”
He chuckled. “You know the way to a man’s heart.”
My own stopped in my chest. “Heart?”
He peeked over at me. “A figure of speech, Astrid. Don’t fall out on me.”
“No, no, no! I mean, that’s not what—I just—”
He focused on the coffee. “We can sit and talk once we get food on the table. How’s that sound?”
I swallowed hard. “Great. Sounds absolutely fantastic.”
We finished up breakfast in silence before we made our plates and sat down. But still, neither of us spoke first. We kept stealing glances at one another while sipping our coffee or biting into our eggs. However, neither of us wanted to take the first step.
So, I drew in a deep breath to start the conversation before Porter blurted it out first.
“I really enjoyed last night.”
My eyes met his. “You did?”
He grinned. “Kind of obvious for a guy if he enjoys something, right?”
I blushed. “This is very true.”
“I feel like you didn’t quite enjoy it, though.”
My eyes widened. “No, no, no! I thought it was amazing. I just…”
He snickered. “Let me guess. Brooks?”
I sighed. “Yeah. Partially, at least.”
He crooked an eyebrow. “Partially?”
I put my fork down. “Look, I never really explained to you why I just up and left to go to Los Angeles.”
His eyes fell to his food before he took a big bite. “You don’t owe me an explanation for something like that.”
“I really do, though. I don’t want you to think I abandoned you or something.”
He took a bite of bacon. “Seriously, you don’t owe me anything.”
I reached over the table and settled my hand against his forearm. “Porter, look at me.”
He lifted his eyes and I saw nothing but pain behind them. “What?”
I squeezed his forearm softly. “I didn’t leave because of you, or because I didn’t like you, or because we weren’t friends, or whatever it is you’ve been telling yourself over the years.”
He sighed. “Why did you leave, then?”
I licked my lips. “Your drinking.”
His back stiffened and he sat up straight. “Seriously?”
I shook my head. “Porter, you have to understand that watching you spiral into your drinking reminded me of watching my mother do the same thing. And I was helpless to stop it. Just like Mom, there was nothing I said to you or offered to do that made things any better, and watching you lose yourself down the same bottles as her just—it ripped me apart inside.”
His posture softened a bit. “I suppose that makes sense.”
“I’m sorry that I chose to leave instead of being there for you. We’ve always been like family, if anything because of your relationship with Brooks. I’m sorry I didn’t step up to the plate like I should have. Like he would have done for you had he not landed himself in prison.”