I throw up my hands. “I have no fuckin’ idea.” But she’s sparked an idea off in my head. Smythe was simply a coward, wasn’t he? He’d pressed the detonator as he thought the helicopter he was in was going to be shot down. He panicked. But what if there’s more to it? I’d dismissed him. Could he have had a reason for setting off the explosion too soon?
She fully turns to face me and takes a step forward to put herself in my space. Her finger comes out and pokes me in the chest. “Who did you speak to about this? Who did you ask to help?”
“Who could I fuckin’ tell when I didn’t know who to trust?”
My words seem to echo around the kitchen.
Her finger prods me again. “You find someone, Finn. This is killing you from the inside. There must be someone who could help. Your club. Other SEALs—I have no idea how this works. There’s a young girl out there all alone because you want to do everything yourself. You scream it from the rooftops. You get her some help. If you discover the reason, you might be able to give yourself a break.”
“She’s dead, Cat,” I say, my tone softening, my eyes watering as I state what I believe is the truth. “Or will be if I make waves. I’ve got to believe that she’s gone. If not dead, it’s likely she’s been trafficked.” I hate telling her that. In her world, that sort of thing doesn’t happen. But she’s got me thinking. What if Smythe wanted her dead from the beginning and she wasn’t just collateral damage? If she knew something, or there was a chance she could remember, that’s a good reason for him wanting her to disappear.
“No.” She contradicts me. “You start searching all over again. You say you’re a computer expert. Money’s normally at the bottom of everything. Check the finances of anyone who was around. See who’s bought a house, a car, a yacht or a freaking tropical island. Money can be hidden, even I know that. You say your club are all information experts? Well, you ask them for help.”
“That easy, huh?” I shake my head. “What do you think I’ve been doing?” Except asking for help. That’s the only bit I left out. I turn away from her and start to pace. “I got sent out on my own as a nomad, representing my club but not being a true part of it. For the past three years I did everything I could to track traffickers down, following clues to see whether there was a link back to Afghanistan. The only plus is I took out some bad guys.” Of course, at least two I should have left well alone. “Every trail I could find, I went down. I got zilch.”
“Ask your club,” she repeats. “If you’ve got resources, use them.”
I snap, “You want me to go back to Utah? Sick of me already?”
Her face goes cold. “There’s a thing called a telephone, you know. It can be useful.”
“They’d drag me back.”
“Then go.”
“Okay.” Steaks forgotten, I turn toward the stairs needing to go and pack as she no longer wants me here. “I hear you loud and clear,” I throw over my shoulder. I’d been thinking how easy it was to discuss my problems with her, but all she’d heard was that I’d been a failure.
“Get back here now, Finn Palmer!” Her voice, so full of authority, stops me dead in my tracks.
“Why?” I toss back at her.
“Because I didn’t take you for a quitter. Unless you’re giving up on us already.”
My hands form fists. I should go, leave her out of this mess. “What do you fuckin’ suggest?”
“Let’s put our heads together. Come at this from a different angle. Unless you don’t want my help?”
Someone to bounce ideas off? She might not be able to make databases reveal their secrets to her, but she’s not stupid by a long shot.
“On one condition,” I capitulate. “You might be right. If I, we, decide bringing my club in is the answer and I need to go back, I want you to come with me.”
Her eyes go huge and her mouth opens, then closes with a snap. She surprises the hell out of me when she asks, “What have I got here?”
She’d come with me?
The devil on my shoulder asks why the fuck I’d want to be tied down. Haven’t I always run from responsibility? Hell, I’ve been happier even without men around. Or have I been lying to myself?
If she comes with me, I’ll have to keep an eye on her. Could I keep her safe, let alone happy? But if she’s with me, I wouldn’t have to worry about her being alone.
Truth be told, I may not have known her long, but she’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Maybe it’s the way we met, and I saw her at her lowest point.
Most ladies I’ve met have been primped to the nines with full makeup on, doing everything they can to snag a biker or a SEAL of their own. Cat, well, she couldn’t have been more natural. She attracted me when she was weak, now she’s strong, she knocks my socks off.
Did she mean it? When push comes to shove, would she leave the memories here and throw in her lot with a biker who’s uncertain of his future? I have to be honest with her.
“If I go back to the club, I’m not sure of my welcome.”
She eyes me carefully. “Because you ran.”
“I did.” I think how to put it. There’s no way to sugarcoat what I’d done. “My punishment for the betrayal is a beatdown, each member of the club taking a swing at me.” I shrug off the horror in her eyes. “I deserve it, and hell, I can handle it. After that, I’ll be busted down to prospect for six months. I’ll be at their beck and call and may not have time to be the man you want.”
Her hand covers mine. “I’ll need to get a job, which shouldn’t be too difficult. My skills are needed everywhere. I need a new start, Finn. I think you’ve shown me that. I’ve been surviving, not living. I don’t want to go back to the city, there’s nothing for me there. Moving somewhere new and starting over is something I’ll need to do, whether you’re with me or not.”
I huff out a breath. “As a prospect, I might not be able to be with you, not all the time. They might want me to live at the club so I can be available at all hours.”
“I’m likely to be on shift work. If you want it to, we’ll be able to make it work.” Her eyes widen, and she giggles. It’s a lovely sound, Cat doesn’t have much to laugh about. “Hey, your reverse psychology is working. I’m now trying to convince you.”
Raising an eyebrow, I chuckle. “Good ploy, huh?” But she’s made me think. What would it be like to return to Utah with someone on my side? Me, who’s never depended on anyone.
“When do you have to make a decision?”
Growing serious, I consider her question. “Sooner rather than later. At the most, I’ve got a couple of months. There’s no immediate rush, it suits no one’s purpose if I can’t control my temper any better than when I left. Pip…” No, Pip isn’t the prez anymore, but he’ll still have influence. “Pip, I’m sure would be on my side.” But would Snatcher? He’s so recently regained the Prez patch, he might make an example of me with Drummer and whenever I return, declare me out bad, though it said in the church minutes they’re giving me time, he could have changed his mind.