Behind me, focused on Kat, Caroline said, “I just want to take a peek, okay?”
Crying, Kat said, “I thought they were Braxton-Hicks. They’re not Braxton-Hicks, are they?”
Laughing, Caroline said, “Nope. How long and how far apart?”
“I’m not sure,” Kat stuttered. “All day but much worse for the last hour. I thought it would pass.”
Sitting between Kat’s knees and trying to use her phone as a flashlight, Caroline said, “I hate to do this, but I want Billy with you. Do you mind if Wyatt holds the phone for me?”
Kat swung her head at me. I winked because I felt like the moment needed levity. Kat laughed. Then she pointed at me, all the fear suddenly gone from her voice when she said, “Eyes closed, Wat-wat.”
I made a cross over my heart with my finger, and then Kat cried out again. It was less than five minutes between this contraction and the last.
Rushing over, I grabbed the light without looking and let Caroline adjust my hand until she had the light where she wanted. For a few moments, the barn loft was utterly silent other than Kat’s labored breaths. When Caroline sat up, she huffed out a sigh before she said, “Didn’t Wyatt tell me that you guys got married in this loft?”
They didn’t answer her. So I did. “This is their place. Always has been, they think we don’t know that’s because they got it on up here as young lovers, but we know.”
My father, who was still standing there holding a stack of towels, chuckled and said, “We all know.”
Bill scowled at me and I shrugged.
Caroline said, “Well, I think we might add one more good memory to that list.”
Starting to panic, Kat shook her head back and forth. “No, I can’t have a baby in the barn.”
Still trying to feed off of Caroline’s calm even though I was fairly certain I was gonna puke when this was all over, I said, “The cows have babies here all the time.”
“I’m not a cow,” Kat hollered at me.
“No,” Caroline said, “you are not a cow, but this daughter of yours is crowning, Kat. So, I can’t in good conscience let you climb down that ladder.”
Kat looked at Bill. “You told me not to come up here.”
He cradled her face in his hand, and she pushed against it and closed her eyes as he said, “I did, but I was proud of you when you did. And I know you can do this, babe. You were born to have our baby in this barn.”
She laughed at his joke, and she said, “I was not, but I was born to love you.”
That was true. They were always meant to be. I couldn’t help myself, and I said, “Aww, you guys.”
Kat looked back at me. “When this is over, if all is well, we will never speak of the fact that you assisted in delivering your niece. Do you understand? You will never once mention the horror show of my daughter coming out of my vagina. Not once.”
She started to wince again, and I spoke over her cry. “Never, I promise.”
When the contraction passed, Kat started to freak out. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this.”
Caroline, who after this night would forever be known as Caroline the Calm, said, “Kat, I got you. You are not a woman whose baby popped out in a taxicab. You are in the calm, trained hands of a surgeon and soon you and Bill are going to meet your daughter. This is just going to be a funny story your little girl will tell all her friends.”
Kat nodded, but her face was tight with worry.
Caroline looked up at me. “Question, do you cut calves umbilical cords?” I nodded yes. “And what about lube, do you use it with the heifers?”
I couldn’t help it. I snickered. “Gallon jugs. We have gallons of lube downstairs.” My father immediately put the towels down and turned to go get the lube and the calving kit.
“Wow,” Caroline bounced her head like she was legit impressed. “This is practically a hospital.”
“A cow hospital,” Kat grumbled.
In her matter-of-fact way, Caroline retorted, “I’m not kidding. If you were gonna have a birth take you by surprise, this is like a dream situation.”
Much more quickly than the last time, Kat cried out again, only this time rather than a guttural war cry, she screamed out, “I’m Queen of the Cows.”
I snickered, and then because it seemed appropriate, I kinda moo-howled and we all laughed, even Kat, who clearly should not have been in a laughing mood.
Once we all accepted the situation, it actually started to feel like we knew what we were doing. A human that we all loved wasn’t the same as a heifer, but my brother and I weren’t completely ignorant to the rhythm of the birthing process and honestly, who in the world was more hardcore than Kat. She squeezed that little girl out like it was her job, screaming and hollering and making off-color jokes through her pain. I couldn’t help but think that being a woman was some pretty fucking glorious shit. Messy for sure, but also spectacular.
Caroline was absolutely flawless. She was strong, skilled, and confident. She used her voice to keep Kat calm and to issue directions to the rest of us and she used her hands to bring my brand-new sweet little niece into the world. When it was over it was all I could do to keep from pulling her into my arms and kissing her silly.
Flying high, so relieved that everything was fine, Bill thanked Caroline at least thirty times. And he kept clapping me on the back and saying, “I love you, brother. I love you so much.” Then, at his insistence, I cut the cord. Kat just laughed at him, holding her daughter to her chest.
My dad was standing there bawling happy tears like the sentimental sap that he was. (Okay fine, maybe I was too.) I walked over and put my arm around him, feeling just lucky to be part of all these people. My father said, “Quite a woman, that doctor of yours.”
I didn’t fight it because for just that one minute, basking in the glow of my new little niece, it felt good to pretend.
14
Caroline
Kat and Bill named their baby after me. It was a completely unnecessary gesture. I was literally just doing my job, but when they called me over and told me they were going to name her Carolina, I was flabbergasted. I was so taken aback that my chest constricted and I got a little teary-eyed.
“You don’t have to do that,” I said.
“It’s a beautiful name,” Kat noted and then looking at her little girl's face, she said, “And we would be lucky if she turned out like you, Caroline.”
Behind me Wyatt sniffled and said, “A righteous namesake.”
The other Morgans, who had found their way back up to the loft, added their approval by cheering and clapping.
I turned to them. “Stop it, I was just doing my job.”
Bill came over and hugged me, saying “thank you” for like the millionth time. Duke did the same, and Miriam. And then, one by one they all showed me some kind of affection: hugs, arm squeezes, forehead kisses. When they were done, I was tucked into the crook of Wyatt’s arm and the focus of the Morgan clan was on their newest member.
Without looking at me, Wyatt said, “I can see that you don’t get it—why we are all so grateful right now.”
I didn’t. I shrugged but didn’t say anything.