“Why don’t we get together this weekend and I’ll show you in person?”
“It’s my ass, huh? It’s always my ass.”
“It is pretty perky.”
“What does perky mean?” Emmy appears at my side.
“Oops.” Kian laughs in my ear.
“I’d better go,” I say.
“Okay. Text me later. Let me know what you want to do this weekend… in detail.”
“You got it.”
Later that afternoon, Sara finally leaves her room. She’s still in pajamas and her hair is a rat nest on her head. She goes right into the kitchen without saying anything to anyone.
I get up and follow her in. I watch as she reaches in the cabinet above the fridge and pulls out a bottle of vodka. She hasn’t seen me. She pours half a glass full of the liquor and then tops it with orange juice. It’s when she’s leaving the kitchen that she finally notices me.
“Spying on me?” she bites out.
“No, I’m checking on you. It’s a little early for the hard stuff, isn’t it? And don’t you have to work tonight?”
“One drink won’t get me drunk. Besides, by tonight, it’ll have worn off.” She brushes past me, heading straight for her room. I follow her in.
“The kids would probably like to spend some time with you today.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. When you said you were coming to help me, I assumed you meant it.” She takes a healthy swig of the booze. I haven’t so much as seen Sara have a beer since I got here, so it’s shocking.
“I have been helping you. I need you to start helping yourself.”
“I am helping myself. I’m helping myself to a drink and a shower. Is that okay with you?”
“Fine. Do whatever you have to do, but you better not go to work drunk.”
“Why? So you don’t look bad in front of your new boyfriend?” The venom she’s spitting at me takes me by surprise. We’ve never fought. And even when we do, we don’t attack each other. This isn’t my sister. This person is hurt, damaged, and taking it out on the wrong person.
“So you don’t get fired,” I say.
“It’s just a dumb job. Anyone could do it. I’m not qualified for anything a monkey couldn’t do. I left college to be with Chad. How stupid was that?”
“You left college?” I ask, shocked at this news.
“Yep. He said it was ridiculous for us to both collect college loans when I could be working and making money for us both. I put his ass through college and now look. He’s got a degree and gainful employment while I’m here serving wine for tips.”
“Sara, I sent you money every month to help pay for your schooling. What did you do with it?” My mind can’t even keep up with the web of lies she fed me all those years ago.
“Graduate school was expensive. Chad promised after he graduated, I could go to school. It made sense at the time.”
“For Christ’s sake.” I smack a palm to my forehead.
“Then he said I could go back after we got married. But I got pregnant. Then I got pregnant again and it was too hard to think about college with two babies at home.”
“I can’t even believe this.”
“Do you see why I’m destroyed now? My whole life has been built around that man and now what?” Tears spill from her eyes.
“Now you pull yourself together and figure it out. What you did was stupid, but we can’t change it.”
“I can’t. Everything is fucked.” She collapses onto her bed.
“It is fucked, but we can fix it. You can get back on your feet.”
“Please, can you just leave me alone?” she pleads.
“I have been leaving you alone, but it’s not helping. You need to get yourself together. If not for yourself, for those kids out there.”
“Please, Archer. Just go.” She sobs into her pillow.
“I’ll go but hear me when I say this isn’t the end of this conversation. I won’t lose you to this pity party you’ve got going on.” I walk out, closing the door behind me.
I’m such a fraud coming down so hard on her when I was her for an entire year. Looking at it from this side, I can understand why Adler spent all those evenings yelling at me to snap out of it. When you’re the one on the other end, things look so hopeless and bleak. But when you’re the person on the other side, things are crystal clear.
I wish there were some way to show Sara that things will get better. If she had even an ounce of hope, she might not be lost to me right now.
Kian
I had a feeling I’d be receiving a phone call from Archer about his sister. I’ve watched everything about her deteriorate over the last couple weeks. Her appearance, her attitude, her work ethic. I’ve had to remind her about closing procedures and making sure her uniform is pressed.
But I’m in a precarious place. On one hand, she’s the sister of the guy I’m into. On the other, this is my business and I haven’t felt comfortable leaving it in Sara’s hands over the last week. It’s meant longer hours for me, choosing to stay at Focus to help out and supervise instead of going to Blur to do my paperwork.
I’d do a lot for a hard pounding, though, so if I need to spend my days in front of a laptop and my nights babysitting, it’s a cross I’ll bear.
“Hey, Sara,” I greet as she walks in the door.
She brandishes a half-assed smile as she breezes past me. I get a slight whiff of booze.
Well, that changes things.
I’m prepared to overlook a lot, but not being drunk on the job. Still, I don’t jump to conclusions and decide I’ll keep an eye on her tonight. She clocks in and does her usual assessment of the tables. I try to get a read on her, but she doesn’t sway when she starts serving and she isn’t glassy-eyed or unfocused. Maybe I was wrong.
“Can we talk a second?” I ask her after the tables are all taken care of.
“Um, sure.”
“Things okay, honey? You’ve seemed a little out of sorts.”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I’ve been off my game. I just haven’t been sleeping well.” She yawns as if to prove her point, which I know is a lie. From the text messages Archer and I have shared, I know she’s been doing her fair share of sleeping.
“It’s all right. I just want you to know I’m here for you. If you want to vent, I mean. I’m a great listener.”
“I’m okay. Just going through some stuff with the kids’ father. It should be settled soon.” Her fake smile is troubling.
“Is he giving you problems?” I don’t let on that I know all about the kind of problems her lousy ex is giving her.
“Not really. Just the normal divorce stuff.” It’s clear she isn’t going to spill. I wish I could pry it out of her so I could give Archer any reassurances.
“Okay. I’ll let you get back to work.”
She ducks around me and gets back to serving. It’s clear she’s not okay, but without anything concrete, I already know I won’t say anything to Archer.
Jarrett and Fernando stop in for drinks and I lead them to a table where we can chat. Sara brings us wine, making me feel like a hypocrite. I often have a glass of wine while working. Why can’t Sara do the same? I brush the whole situation off, choosing to gossip with my friends instead.