Andrew saw the light all right. And I saw the light go right out of his eyes. It seemed he finally believed, which I thought would be a good thing. But he’d wanted to believe with his whole heart—like I did—that his mentor was one of the good guys. It was like I’d told him Batman was really the devil in disguise. He was disbelieving, then disappointed, disillusioned, and finally disgusted—mostly at me, the bearer of bad news, for telling him and blowing his perfect image of his hero. Not only was he mad at me, but he was more discontented with his life than ever, and willing to overlook everything anyway for a chance to go to “The Academy.” Pete or no Pete.
Full disclosure was a wrong move. I thought maybe the truth would realign us back together. Instead it set us further apart. I realized now it was a selfish decision. Really, I’d just wanted someone to unburden myself to and had hurt my brother in the process.
My chest felt tight. Trying to catch breath, I stopped loping after the herd. Looked up to seek guidance from the blazing sun, and a wave of dizziness overcame me. I heaved some carbon dioxide from my lungs. Man! I was flat out exhausted. Exhausted from lack of sleep. Exhausted from fighting. Why am I even fighting so hard? All I wanted to do was close my eyes and go to sleep. I swear—I could’ve dropped on this very spot, in this itchy grass, even if it was located smack dab in the middle of a minefield. Maybe I’m getting sick? Overwhelmed, I leaned over, deep breathing in ozone and dust.
Coach Sams noticed and jogged over. “Katie, you all right?”
“I, um . . . feel kinda dizzy, actually,” I admitted.
“Can you walk?”
I inhaled a deep breath through my nose, willing myself to hold it together. “Yes, ma’am. . . . I think so. I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize. Here, let me get someone to assist you back to the gym.” Before I could think to stop her, Coach Sams called out, “Davenport, can I get some help over here?”
I looked up, horrified, to where Pete was standing on the sidelines, yucking it up with good ole Ashley-Leigh and her purple posse. She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly and mouthed a snarky comment—no doubt about this being some lame ploy to get his attention. I saw him squint in our direction, creating a hand-visor so he could see better. The lively expression fled his face when he saw me crouched over with Coach Sam’s arm around my shoulders. A couple of teammates drifted over to see if I was all right. I tried to assure everyone I was fine, but my voice had no volume. I was actually mortified by the thought of an icy-cold Pete having to help me hobble to the gym like a little old lady.
He came jogging over, a grim look on his face. Oh Gah! Not more sympathy. That was worse. I didn’t think I could take one more ounce of his pity. If I was feeling sick before, I was feeling positively faint with humiliation now. A few more players trailed after him to investigate. Oh Lord! I propped myself up as best I could, even as my head swam. I needed to lie down.
“You know what, Coach Sams . . . I’m feelin’ much better,” I lied unconvincingly. “I-I think it was just a cramp in my side.” She looked doubtfully at my blanched face. “Really. I’m fine. I don’t need any help . . .” was just coming out of my mouth when Pete arrived.
He immediately snorted at my feeble words. “Why am I not surprised you would say that?”
I tried to look indignant, but it was hard work when I was on the verge of collapse. My ears were ringing, and my face was fish-belly white, I’m sure.
“Okay, everybody back away,” he said like he was king of the universe. Why was I not surprised when everyone instantly complied? And then, like a stick of gum, he bent me over and stuck my head between my legs. “Just deep breathe, in and out, Kate.”
God almighty! Maybe I should try to pass out? It was a testament to how sick I was that I couldn’t conjure up a single twinge of color anywhere on my face. I wanted to argue but knew if I opened my mouth at that moment, I would throw up all over the cheerfully bright sneakers he’d paid for.
“Someone toss me a water bottle, quick,” he commanded again. About five seconds later, I felt the cooling rush of water pouring over the back of my neck. It dribbled onto my face, helping wash the sheen of sick off. I instantly felt a wee bit better and attempted to rise, but he didn’t allow it.
“Keep breathing in and out slowly for a few more seconds.” Pete used the calm, neutral voice of a trained paramedic at the scene of an accident.
I complied, too weak to do anything else. And was only grateful for his commanding presence when he made everyone leave. Despite the fact I felt like he despised me, I gradually started to feel better, at least like I wouldn’t faint in the upright position.
“I think I’m okay now,” I murmured, trying to stand up again.
“Come up nice and slow, Kate,” he said, rubbing my back gently.
I nodded my head, feeling mortification catch up to, and surpass, sickness as I slowly unfolded myself. I kept my eyes closed, preferring the colored spots behind my eyelids to the cool distance in his eyes or worse— pity. Finally, I opened them to see Shelby and Jake staring at me like they were on a deathwatch. A few scattered claps began like I’d just emerged from the bottom of a particularly brutal football heap. Man was I ready to exit stage right!
I was still too pale for the heated flush of embarrassment to take hold and still couldn’t meet his eyes, but felt like I ought to say something. “I-um . . . guess I should say thank you.” I hated so much that he’d been the one to have to help me. Right after I’d told him I didn’t need his help.
Pete gave a snorty laugh. “Don’t over exert yourself—you already look like you could go down any second.”
I moved to glare at him, but it didn’t have any force of energy behind it. “I’m fine.”
“You are far from fine, Kate,” he said, the ice in his tone thawing slightly.
“I’m just a little tired.”
“Yeah, I guess carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders would get a little tiring.”
“I wouldn’t have the weight of the world if you weren’t tryin’ to bust up my family!”
Just then, Coach Sams came trotting back over. “Feelin’ better, Katie?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I answered, dodging her eyes.
She set a hand on each of our shoulders. “Pete, would you mind escorting Katie back to the gym now?”
He nodded at her; she nodded back. Before I could argue, she’d taken back off to get the game going again. So Pete and I set off, silently, back to the gym. About halfway there, he took my arm to make me stop and rest.
“I’m fine now. Really. I can take it from here.” A pretty unbelievable statement when I was winded just from the telling of it.
He shook his head and unset his mouth to say, “I’m trying to be patient here, I really am. . . . Did you even eat lunch today?”
I finally felt blood seep into my face. “Not that it’s any of your business . . . but yes, I did.” I thought of the protein bar I had in the library while I emailed Reese and typed up my English paper.
“Are you getting sick? You don’t look well,” he informed me as my face changed colors again.
“Of course, I’m not well!” I vented. “I’m practically worryin’ myself to death thanks to you and your shady organization!”