As our post-high school summer progressed, I thought about all the other summers we’d had together, River and I. Most of our summers had been filled with fun, adventure, and contentment, but others had not. I thought about that first one together, when I learned about Julian. I thought about the summer between seventh and eighth grades, when River’s parents got divorced, and his dad moved away. They told me they’d been pretending, River explained to me. But they couldn’t pretend anymore. They couldn’t look at each other anymore.
I thought about the summer I got my first period, after eighth grade. Each month, I had to come up with an excuse for River as to why I didn’t want to go swimming. I couldn’t tell him what was really going on, unless I wanted to die of mortification, and I didn’t have Riley back then to confide in about such things.
All those memories of past summers spun around in my mind while the present one was quickly crumbling away. I thought it would be bittersweet, this last one, but I found that I simply hated it. I was afraid of Fall coming, of all the changes. I was afraid of losing River.
Riley did, in fact, move back to Seattle toward the end of June. It was hard saying goodbye to her, but I knew she’d be happy to be back in the city, trying her hand at independence. Then it was just River and me. We both got summer jobs. I worked at a used-bookstore, Worn Pages, in Rockwood’s petite downtown. River, rather ironically, got hired with a river rafting company called Wild Waters. He drove rafters to the local river and picked them up at the end of their expeditions. Apparently, the rafters loved River’s name, invariably commenting on it and joking about it.
I spent most of my spare time with River. My mom complained about me never being home, and that was pretty accurate. But, I knew that come Fall, I would still be living at home, commuting to the college thirty minutes away. When that time came, I would still be able to see my family, every day.
River said he was saving up money for his upcoming adventures. Halfway through the summer, he picked up a second job at a pizza place, not even a block away from Worn Pages. I was also saving up money, but I wasn’t sure what for. I had been awarded a scholarship that would pay a large chunk of my school tuition, and my dad said he’d cover the rest, so I wasn’t concerned how I’d get through the next four years. Still, it just seemed like the right thing to do—to work and save some money while I had the chance—even though I couldn’t think of any particular reason for it.
One day that summer, I was working an afternoon shift at the bookstore. It was quiet and slow, almost no customers. The owner, Hattie, was gone on vacation, and it seemed everyone else in Rockwood was, too. Right at my lunchbreak, the chimes on the front door jingled, and there was River, toting a couple paper cups and foil-wrapped slices of pizza. This was our Thursday routine, a day that we both worked downtown. I always had my lunchbreak at 1:30 on Thursdays, and River always started his shift at the pizza parlor at two o’clock.
I hung the Out to Lunch sign on the glass door, locked up, and then River and I walked to the end of the block and perched ourselves on a bench to consume our lunch. It was abnormally hot that day, in a dry sort of way that made me yearn for rainfall. I was thankful to discover that River had filled my cup up with ice-cold lemonade instead of the usual water.
“How’d you know?” I asked him after taking my first sip.
“I didn’t think I could go wrong with lemonade on a hot day.”
We started eating our pizza in silence, and then, across the street, I noticed someone ambling down the sidewalk. There were a few other pedestrians out and about, but this person stood out to me for some reason. It was a young woman, tall, and dressed in a large sunhat and a jumpsuit. When I took note of her face, I realized I knew her.
It was Chloe Gibson. Beautiful but meek Chloe. My former friend who’d asked me to sign her yearbook on the last day of high school, and I’d had no clue what to write. In mine, she’d penned: I’ve always been jealous of you. I know you’ll succeed at whatever you do.
She came to a crosswalk, waited for the light to change, and before I knew it, she was on our side of the street, approaching me and River at our bench.
“Drew Caldwell and River Mahlon.” She beamed as she stated it, stopping right there in front of us. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Hi, Chloe,” I said. River just nodded at her.
“River, I meant to tell you, I loved your speech at graduation. So funny.”
“Thanks.” He smiled politely and continued eating.
“So, you guys are still in town, huh? So many of our friends have moved away already.”
Our friends, I thought to myself, a bit mockingly. Very few of our high school peers I’d considered friends, or even acquaintances.
“We’re here for the summer,” River said. “Well, I am, anyway. Miss Drew here will be commuting to the university in Freya to be a superhero nurse.”
“I don’t know if I’ll get accepted to the nursing program yet,” I chimed in, correcting him. “It’s pretty competitive.”
“I’m sure you will, Drew.” Chloe was still beaming.
“What about you?” I asked her. “Are you going somewhere in the fall?”
“Oh, I’ll still be here. I have a good job at the pharmacy, and I’m having a baby this coming winter.”
Her announcement, despite being delivered so nonchalantly, stunned me. I tried not to let it show. Chloe must not have been very far along; she didn’t look pregnant. Her stomach was still perfectly slim. River and I hastily congratulated her and asked about the due date and if she knew the sex. We didn’t ask anything about the father.
“Maybe I’ll see you guys around later this summer,” she said as she began sauntering away. “Maybe I’ll even see you after Summer, Drew.”
When she was gone, River and I were both quiet. We finished our pizza and drinks.
“She said she was jealous of me,” I remarked. “She wrote that in my yearbook.”
“She probably is,” River said.
“She’s pregnant.”
“Mhm.”
“She’s so young.”
“What’s a good age to have kids?”
The question struck me as odd. “I don’t know. Not eighteen years old.”
“Probably not,” he said.
“I wonder why she was jealous of me.”
“Why wouldn’t she be?” River stood up and offered his hand to help me up.
As we made our way back toward the bookstore, he continued: “You’re smart and motivated. You’re going places. But she’s probably going to be stuck here the rest of her life. Some people are just like that, Drew.”
His statement brought about an uneasiness throughout my body. Some people are just like that. What made River so sure I wasn’t one of those people? What made him so certain I wasn’t going to end up like Chloe Gibson, stuck in the same place forever? What made Chloe herself so sure that I’d succeed at whatever I did?
Because I wasn’t sure.
I wasn’t sure of that at all.
◈ ◈ ◈
My birthday came at the end of August.
I’d been dreading it.