I stopped. I leaned forward with my hands on my thighs, panting, as River got out of the car.
“Drew, are you okay?”
“Hang on.” I was trying to catch my breath enough to speak.
“What’s wrong?”
I stood up straight, still breathing hard, but with sufficient air in my lungs to get the words out.
“I want to go with you,” I said. “I don’t want to go back to Rockwood or Freya. I want to go with you.”
River’s jaw unhinged. He stared at me. “What about your job?”
“I’ll quit. I hate my job. I’ve never liked nursing. And I’ve saved up a lot of money over the last year.”
“What about your life?”
My life. What did that really mean? What was my life?
“Do you remember the To Do List you made for me? In Seattle?”
“Yes.”
“I thought I had done everything on it. I had everything crossed off. But there was one thing that I shouldn’t have crossed off. Number Four—learn to be honest with yourself. I think I got better at that in some ways, but not good enough. And I’m tired of people always having to come to my rescue and wake me up. It’s time I rescue myself. So, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t really like my life. It’s not what I want. I don’t want to go back. What I want is to go with you. Right now.”
He stared at me, his mouth still open. Then he smiled.
“Really?”
I sighed and heard myself laugh. I threw my hands into the air. Really.
He reached out and took my hand. “Let’s get your suitcase and go.”
Chapter 17
So this is what it felt like.
Spontaneity.
It felt like fresh air blowing your hair around in your face as you sped down a highway. It sounded like music and laughter and sometimes, nothing but the wind beating against the car. It tasted salty. It looked like vibrant colors rushing by.
When we had made it down to Eugene on Interstate 5, River switched the radio off, rolled up the windows, and said the most serious thing that had been uttered so far on our drive.
“Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?”
The concept of a destination hadn’t even occurred to me until that moment. I was caught up in the rush of everything, the profound sense of excitement and clarity that had usurped my brain like never before. I didn’t want to think about River’s question for too long. I didn’t want to get stuck in my old planning ways. I said the first thing that came to my mind.
“California.”
“California?” River sounded genuinely surprised. “So, no stops in Oregon? Nothing you’re interested in in this state?”
“I guess not!” I was surprised by my answer, too. Something about California sounded just right to me.
“Drew Caldwell. You lived in the same state for twenty-three years, now you can’t wait to move onto your third. What part of Cali were you thinking?”
“Any part,” I said. “Doesn’t matter to me.”
“I have a friend in San Francisco. An old buddy from when my family lived in the Bay Area years ago. I can give him a call, see if we can stay with him?”
“That sounds perfect.” I kicked off my shoes and threw my feet up on the dashboard.
“San Francisco it is. I’ll get off at the next exit. We can find some food, and I’ll call him.”
“Great.”
“But while I’m doing that . . . Isn’t your family expecting you to get back today? And your work tomorrow?”
My feet slipped from the dashboard. “Yes.”
“Okay. Maybe you should make some calls, too, while I’m making mine?”
He was right. I couldn’t just fall off the earth without a word to my family and obligations back home.
“I’ll make my calls.”
He placed his hand on my knee with a brief glance in my direction. “Then it’ll all be dealt with. Then you can relax, and we can just be together.”
Together. It slipped off his tongue so naturally and into my ears so significantly.
“Then we can go on with our adventure,” he continued. “California will set you free.”
His words made me smile. “Just what I need.”
But the thing was, I had already been set free.
◈ ◈ ◈
I had never seen anything like San Francisco before. Granted, I had only visited a small handful of cities in my life. But I could tell, even with my limited experience, that this was a unique place. I was overwhelmed by the water, the bridges, the hills. The skinny, pastel houses with big, bay windows. It was a good kind of overwhelmed, though, like a child on her birthday, trying to take in the cake and presents, balloons and glee, all at once.
I couldn’t stop smiling as River drove us into the city and up and down the steep contours. I kept looking over at him, hardly able to contain myself, and he would grin at me like what I had was contagious.
“Here we are,” he said as he parked in the short driveway of a tall, pink-lemonade-colored house. “Haight-Ashbury. Hopefully Jamie won’t mind me blocking the garage.”
“Jamie. So, what’s his deal?”
“He’s a med student at UCSF. I hadn’t seen him in years, not since I was a kid, but then I ran into him in Mexico of all places.”
After stepping out of the car, a breeze hit me right in the face. It felt amazing—salty and smooth and fresh. The sun had already set, but I could still make out my surroundings: the busy street, the people rushing this way and that. The rows of houses, the city lights. I could smell Mexican food somewhere nearby.
River took both of our bags from the car, and I followed him up the concrete steps to the front door. Before we could even knock, the door flew open, and there was a young man regarding us with glasses and sharp-looking eyes.
“Roma!” The man lurched at River, giving him a full-on hug, not the way guys usually went about it. Then he noticed me, pulled back, and gave me a nod. “Roma’s friend.”
“Jamie. Or, should I say, Dr. Freeman. Good to see you, man. Thanks for letting us come.”
“Please. I’m crazy stoked you’re here. Come right in. Let me help with your luggage.”
The med student, alacrity and all, led us inside, and I gave River a look with raised eyebrows as our shoes tapped against the wood floors. I noticed a few other young adults scattered about the house, all of them with their noses either in books or laptops. We went up a staircase, and then Jamie tossed River’s duffel bag into a tight room that somehow managed to fit a bed, a desk, a TV, and a sofa. It left very little walking space, but we all made our way inside.
“Your room for the evening.” Jamie made a circular motion with his hands, finishing with them on his hips. “Or however long you plan on staying with us. Technically, it’s my room, but one of my roomies will let me crash on his couch for a few nights.”
“Are you sure?” River asked. “We could find an Airbnb.”
“Please, Roma. Don’t be an idiot.”
“Thanks, man. By the way, this is Drew. Drew, this is Jamie.”
“Drew. Cool name.” He shook my hand with gusto. “Easy on the eyes, too.”