“Are you sure?” Aaron took my hand softly.
“Yeah, I’m just . . . I didn’t sleep well last night, so . . .”
“I could drive you home.” It was River who spoke. By that point, the idea of being home and in my bed was really starting to sound like heaven.
“Okay. I mean, if that’s okay with you, Riley?”
“Sure. I can get a ride from one of the losers here.”
“And Aaron?” I turned to him. I didn’t want this to be awkward between me and him. I hoped so badly it wouldn’t be.
“Yeah, whatever you want,” he responded. The peachiness appeared around his high cheekbones again, and he looked to the floor. “I can probably get a ride with someone, too.”
“I’ll meet you out front, Drew.” River gave Riley a hug and exited the room.
Riley looked at me with a big smile. “And I’ll see you on Monday,” she said, and then she was gone.
Now that Aaron and I were alone again, I asked him, “Are you sure this is okay?”
He offered up a grin, but it didn’t look very natural. “Yeah. I just don’t want you to feel weird or anything. You sure everything’s okay with you?”
“Yes. Really, I’m just tired.” And starving, I thought. “I really had a nice time.”
When I got into the front seat of River’s car, I let my head hit the headrest, and I let out a long sigh.
◈ ◈ ◈
It was 11:15 when I got home and up to my bedroom. Everyone in my family was asleep, the house noiseless. I was pretty sure most of my peers wouldn’t be getting home until past midnight. It wasn’t surprising that I’d called it quits sooner than that.
Unzipping my dress and letting it slip down to my feet felt amazing, like escaping from a snake that had managed to slurp up my body into its own. Putting on my pajamas somehow felt even better. A soft cotton tank top and sweatpants. I felt like myself again.
I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen but stopped in my tracks and almost screamed. River was there, riffling through the pantry’s contents. He turned around when he heard me gasp.
“I thought you were going home,” I said.
“I changed my mind. Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. I thought you might like some cereal?”
From the pantry, he pulled out a box of Honeycombs—my favorite. He poured each of us a bowl with milk and we went to the living room together. I set my cereal on the coffee table and collapsed onto the couch. River sat next to me.
“Tired?” River had taken off his suit jacket and sky-blue tie so that he was left just wearing his white button-down shirt. I thought he looked better that way, without all the frill and gimmick.
A grunt was all I gave him in response. I began diving into my Honeycombs.
“So, Drew, are you glad you went to your Senior Prom?”
“I don’t know. I guess so. Are you?”
He shrugged. “I guess so.”
“You and Riley looked cute together.” I glanced over at River. He didn’t say anything. He seemed fixated on his cereal. “Why did you ask her? To the dance?”
That got his attention. “I don’t know.”
“Do you like her? It’s okay if you do, I just didn’t know.”
“Do you like Aaron?”
Now I was the one not responding. I was thinking about his question, but I didn’t know how I should word my answer. Of course, I’d had a crush on Aaron for a long time. It was something River knew but not something he and I talked about. It seemed like I should have been ecstatic about tonight’s events. Aaron Ingram took me to our senior prom. He danced with me. He kissed me. A lot. Instead, I was feeling slightly on edge and completely drained.
“What was going on in that room?”
River’s question made me nearly aspirate on my cereal.
“What room?”
“At Summer’s house. When Riley and I walked in.”
“Nothing.”
I finished my cereal and set the bowl on the coffee table. River hadn’t finished his Honeycombs yet, but he copied me by setting his bowl aside, too. I adjusted on the couch, brought my legs up, and considered sleeping right there for the night. The cushions felt so plush and welcoming, and I was exhausted.
“It looked like something,” River said.
“It wasn’t anything, River.”
“I just want to make sure everything’s okay. That you’re okay.”
“Yes,” I said a little too loudly. I lowered my voice. “It was fine, River. I mean, you’re friends with Aaron. He’s not like a bad guy or anything, right?”
“No. Aaron’s a good guy. But. I’ve heard him talk about you before. I just know that he was into you, and then there was that dress you were wearing—”
“Can we not talk about the dress? Like ever again? Seriously, everything was fine. Some things happened, but it was fine, and then I told him I wasn’t sure, and that was the end of it, okay?”
“Okay.”
It wasn’t normal for me to snap at River like this. But it also wasn’t normal for us to be discussing things that had or hadn’t happened.
River was sitting about a foot away from me on the couch. He had his arms crossed. He must have used some aftershave or cologne earlier in the day. From where I sat, I could detect a hint of something fresh and clean. It reminded me of rain.
“How did you know this was exactly what I needed?” I asked him, wanting to move on to any other topic, to move past the tension that had developed between us. “Honeycombs and lounging on the couch in pajamas.”
“I just wish I had on my pajamas right now,” he said. “Formalwear sucks.”
“Amen.”
I turned on the TV to a low volume. A game show was on. My eyes felt heavy. I still had makeup on. I hated the thought of taking the energy to wash it off tonight. Tomorrow, I declared in my head, I would not wear any makeup, and I would stay home in my pajamas all day long, studying.
I didn’t notice how swiftly I was drifting off until River said something.
“Drew?”
I opened my eyes, sat up, and looked at him. He was closer to me now than he’d been earlier. His legs were touching mine. The TV game show sounded like nonsensical murmuring in the background.
“Yeah?” I could see his sandy brown hair better now. It looked soft. I wanted to touch it.
“Would you have gone to the dance with me?”
I straightened up a little on the couch. “What are you talking about, River? You asked Riley.”
“It didn’t seem like you wanted to go.”
My heart began beating hard in my chest. I didn’t understand what River was saying. Or maybe I did.
“I just thought maybe we could have gone together. I mean, why not?”
“Oh,” I said.
He was giving me an intense look, his eyebrows furrowed again. Just like at the barn. Just like when he’d seen me with Aaron. His brown irises reminded me of the bark on the apple tree. I could smell his aftershave even stronger now. The rain. My eyelids were growing heavy again.
I drew closer to River and curled my arms around his torso. I leaned into him, rested there against him. He was warm. He put his arms around me. My face was resting on his neck. I was so tired. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I had no idea what to say. I just wanted to lie there against him and feel that peace and warmth that seemed to emanate from him. I remember thinking I could fall asleep just like that.