Baby.
“It’s real,” she finishes.
Ria whimpers, but I don’t look at her. I keep staring into Ella’s gorgeous green eyes, looking at all the freckles I haven’t kissed yet.
“Make me believe it.”
She frowns, a crease between her dark auburn brows.
“Tell me something only you would know. Make me believe this is real.”
“About you, Mavy?” she asks me.
But my mind knows about me, even if I want it to forget. Even if I want it to stuff away all those dark, dark things. Or even worse, the things that make me feel. That remind me that I’m alive. I’m not a psychopath. I feel everything.
My mind knows that.
I shake my head, my lip trembling. “No, pretty girl. Tell me something you haven’t told me yet. About you.”
My father sighs, growing impatient, but he doesn’t say anything.
Ella nods, closing her eyes. Tears spill down her pale cheeks, one dropping from her beautiful red lips. “When I first met you, my mom and I had fought, just before. She had hit me.”
My gut clenches.
“She had hit me, and I had hated it and hated her, and hated that I liked when she screamed at me. That I liked when I had her attention. But I knew…” She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “I knew she didn’t hit me because she loved me. She did it because she hated me.” She opens her eyes, focuses on me. “You were so angry when we met,” she whispers, tears spilling down from her chin, onto the floor. “You were so angry, and so…gorgeous.” Her skin turns a pale shade of pink with that word and I can’t help the smile that tugs on my own lips, despite the tears forming in my eyes. “I wanted you to hate me, too. I wanted you to hate me so I could feel it.”
I could never hate you.
“Feel what, pretty girl?” My voice shakes, but I have to know. I need to know.
“There’s no difference between love and hate, Mavy. The opposite of those is indifference, and if you could hurt me, if you could like it, I mattered to you. Just like I mattered to her.”
My father blows out a breath. “This is all very touching, but Maverick, we don’t have time for any more speeches.”
I keep my eyes on Ella. “Do you love me, baby?”
She nods, tears coming more freely now. “Yes,” she whispers. “I love you.”
“I think I love you, too.”
“So, you’ve made a decision, then?” my father snaps. I turn to look at him and he digs the gun in further against Ria’s head. Her entire body is shaking, her head tilted back, eyes still closed.
She’s had to hear all of this. How I couldn’t love her like I do Ella. I know she doesn’t love me that way, either. But it isn’t fair. It isn’t right.
“Don’t you ever get tired?” I ask my father, my eyes on his.
He presses his lips into a thin line. “Tired of what?” he asks through clenched teeth.
“Of pretending you don’t feel anything, Dad? Of pretending you’re okay? Pretending Malachi wasn’t your son? Pretending Brooklin wasn’t your daughter?”
His eyes narrow.
“Pretending you don’t give a shit about me, either?”
He doesn’t speak.
“It’s okay, Dad.” I swallow, hard, keeping my eyes on his. “It’s okay to feel it all. I know they tried to train it out of you. I know they’ve hardened you, but Dad…I’m your son.”
He digs the gun into Ria’s temple and she chokes on a sob. “And that’s why I’m making this choice for you, Maverick.” His words are angry but his tone…his tone is something else.
I’ve hated him most of my life. I’ve hated what he did to our family. I hated how he forgot. Malachi. Then Brooklin. My mother. Even me. He forgot he was still my father. Forgot he wasn’t just a pawn for the 6. Forgot he was…more to his family.
Or at least…he could have been. But he forgot Sid, too, and now he wants me to forget both of these girls in this room because people are nothing to him. He’s forgotten how to feel.
“Dad…”
I swear his eyes are glistening but he doesn’t back away from Ria.
I know he won’t. Nothing I say will sway him. Not pleading or begging or crying.
There’s really only one way to handle this.
I swallow. “I made a decision.”
My dad smiles at me, any emotion I might have seen on his face gone. “And?” He glances at Ria. “Is this who we’re going to bury?”
I shake my head, smiling back. “No,” I whisper softly. “Not just her.” I enjoy the sight of his confusion for one second. Then, “You’re going to bury all of us.”
Silence rings out in the underground room. No one moves. No one breathes.
“You can kill them both, but you have to kill me, too. I’m not doing this anymore.”
Ella whimpers, and Ria’s eyes finally open as she dips her head to look at me, her eyes red and puffy.
“I’m done. I’m done with you. With the 6. With my…brothers. I’m fucking done.” I stand to my feet and I’m happy to see my father flinch. It’s nearly imperceptible, but it’s there. “I’m done.”
My father sighs, closing his eyes a second before he takes a step back from Ria and lowers the gun by his side.
Ria collapses onto the floor, on her hands and knees as she sobs quietly, not looking up at me.
My heart aches.
I want to run to her.
This is my fucking fault.
She is my responsibility.
I glance at Ella. She’s staring at me, and her expression is unreadable. If I leave, I’m leaving behind Brooklin. Lucifer. Sid. Their…baby. What’s going to happen next to them.
How Lucifer is going to hurt.
I’m leaving behind my mother.
Cain, Ezra, Atlas. I’m leaving all of them.
But it’s got to be better than this. Anything is better than this. Jeremiah Rain might actually be better than this. Sid might have made the right decision.
I pick my head up, stare at my father. “What’re you waiting for, Dad?” He holds the gun in both hands, clasped in front of him. “Fucking shoot me.”
He smirks, but he’s still looking down at the floor. And then, in a blink, he raises the gun and fires.
The shot is so loud in the small room, the echoes ricocheting off the brick walls. I dart toward Ella, who is covering her head with her hands, sinking to her knees.
I throw my arms around her, my heart nearly shooting out of my fucking chest.
Ria is still sobbing. She’s okay. She’s not hurt.
I pat my arms over Ella. “I’m okay,” she says, confirming.
And I’m not shot I don’t think…but my father is laughing.
I squeeze my arms tighter around Ella, rest my chin on her head as I glare up at him.
“For such a smart boy, you are so incredibly stupid sometimes.” He’s got the gun back where it was, clasped in front of him. “So, so stupid.”
I narrow my eyes. “What—”
He jerks his chin toward Ella. “You ran to her.”
I open my mouth to snarl something at him when I realize what he’s getting at. My eyes go to Ria, who has her head buried in her hands, her body trembling. My mouth goes dry all over again, and my father laughs as he sees me take his words in.