“Okay,” Zoe agrees without any further questions. She just digs into her purse, finds a white card, and offers it to me.
“Thank you,” I say. “I’ll be right back. Don’t get out of this car again for anything.”
“I won’t,” she agrees with a nod.
Before I get out, I shrug off my Savage Kings cut, in case he didn’t see the name the first time. Hopefully, he’s not paying that close of attention because I don’t want him to know who is coming for him. Then, I climb out of the car.
“Hey man,” I say coolly as I climb the steps, when what I really want to do is slice his throat. “Could you give Zoe’s business card to your boss for us?”
“Yeah, whatever,” the guy agrees as he reaches out with his right arm to take the card from between my fingers.
I remember the image of the tattoo clearly from a few months ago, and I could almost bet my life this is it. But I can’t exactly take him out now when there are a shit ton of other guys hanging around, all probably armed.
“Nice ink,” I comment. “You get that from around here?”
Fuck, I hope I don’t spook him.
“Yeah, man,” he says with a proud smile, flashing several missing teeth as he lifts his shirt sleeves to show be the rest of the handle. “Down around Shallotte, there’s this bomb ass dude who does killer designs.”
“No shit? I’ve been looking to get a sleeve done. You got his name?”
“Yeah sure, Anthony Bridges. He’s with Damaged Ink. Tell him Joey Simpson sent you so I can get that referral discount next time.”
“You’ve got it, Joey,” I reply before I hurry back to the car, relieved and amazed someone can do something so cruel to women and it doesn’t seem to faze him. I hurt Zoe’s feelings years ago and still haven’t forgiven myself for it. I guess that’s the difference between those of us with a soul, and those fuckers who wander the earth without them.
I drive like I’m in a race for my life, throwing up dust to get us to the highway as fast as possible. I’m not sure if I even breathe before we reach the main road and turn back toward Myrtle Beach.
“Fuck,” I say with a heavy exhale.
“You gonna tell me what that was all about?” Zoe asks from the passenger seat, where she’s still clutching the door like she’s hanging on for dear life.
“Not until you tell me what the fuck you were thinking? Porn, Zoe? Seriously?”
“H-how did you know that?” she asks.
“Because I had our IT guy do a search. And it isn’t just regular porn. It’s that sick shit where they hurt women, probably against their will!”
“Jeez,” she mutters. “I-I didn’t know that. I thought it was just the regular kind that comes out on DVD.”
“That’s still not okay!” I yell at her. “How could you even think about taking a job in porn?”
“Because there isn’t any other work! My options are limited, and I have to make a living. It’s not worth it for me to travel around doing those stupid signing events, and I need money to pay bills!”
“I thought you hit rock bottom when you started doing nudes. How long are you going to demean yourself, Zoe? When the fuck is the exploitation of your body going to finally end? I’ve been waiting ten goddamn years for you to stop doing this to yourself, and it doesn’t seem like there’s an end in sight!”
“Don’t you dare sit there and pretend like you give a shit about me!” she yells, twisting around in her seat to face me. “You made it clear how you felt ten years ago, after you fucked me and then practically threw me out of your bed the next morning!”
Shaking my head, I tell her, “You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!”
“I gave you my virginity, Winston! It meant something to me. You meant something to me. How could you be so…so heartless? You knew how I felt about you and still, you used me and then told me you didn’t care about me.”
“I was lying, okay?” I shout the words I’ve wanted to say since that morning years ago.
“Right,” she scoffs in disbelief before she slams her back against the passenger seat again.
Since this is a conversation we need to have when I’m not going seventy miles down the highway, I slam my foot down on the brake and then swerve over to the shoulder of the road, bringing the car to a stop.
“Jeez, Winston! What are you doing?” Zoe asks, clutching the door as I shove the car in park.
“I pulled over so that you can see my face when I tell you the truth, that everything I said that morning ten years ago was a lie. I didn’t mean a single fucking word. If I had told you how I really felt, that I was in love with you, then you wouldn’t have left, and you would have resented me for the rest of our lives!”
Chapter Twelve
Zoe
* * *
“If I had told you how I really felt, that I was in love with you, then you wouldn’t have left, and you would have resented me for the rest of our lives!”
Winston’s words are still echoing in my head as I study his face, ready to call him a liar again, but unable to speak just yet.
Part of me, the stupid, naïve eighteen-year-old girl, wants to believe him more than anything. But the rest of me, the cynical, untrusting part from years of experience knowing men are full of shit, doesn’t buy it.
“What…why would you say that?” I ask him. “You were in love with me? That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of men talking out of their asses over the years!”
“Letting you leave was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, Zoe. And I’ve regretted it every second since you left. At the time, I thought I was doing what was best for you. But now, I don’t know. Was it?”
“I don’t…how do you expect me to believe you after all this time, Winston?”
“I’m telling you the truth. Ask your father! I went to Martin’s office the morning of your going away party and begged him to make you stay.”
“It wasn’t his decision to make, it was mine,” I remind him.
“I know that! That’s exactly what he told me too. I was angry at him because I thought you were too young to go off on your own. That’s why, at first, I thought that if I finally gave in and slept with you, that you would change your mind and decide not to go. But afterward, I couldn’t be the one to hold you back. I wanted you to do what made you happy, even if it meant leaving me. So, when you asked me what you should do, I lied.”
Out of everything he just said, one thing stands out. “You only slept with me to convince me to stay?”
“No! That’s not…I wanted you! Not just that night, but for years. I finally let myself give in, even though I knew it was wrong, not just because I was hoping you would want to stay but because I wasn’t supposed to want you! We were family, and I had known you since you were a kid.”
“I was thirteen when we first met, not a kid,” I remind him.
“You were a kid to me then. I was sixteen, old enough to drive and sleep with a different woman every night, while you were still sleeping with fucking teddy bears.”