I push open the bar on the door that leads outside and get her to my car. Neither of us speak for a couple minutes until we’re well away from Pins and Needles. “I take it you need a drink as badly as I do,” I say to her, looking in her direction. Mascara’s streaming down her face and her normally ivory colored skin is red and blotchy. This evening has been traumatic as fuck for her, and I’m hating myself right now.
Did I do the right thing? Did I force myself on her?
I focus and remember how things went downstairs and she gave me her permission, her confirmation, but what choice did she have? If she didn’t, he was going to kill her. I couldn’t let her die. It’s why I said what I said, to protect the woman I’ve been admiring from afar. I’m not the type of man who gets into relationships and I doubt she would even be interested in someone like me, someone with so many fucking demons.
“A d-drink would b-be n-nice,” Dema stammers out. I glance over to her again and see her hands are shaking, a sure sign she’s seriously fucked after tonight. I am too, but I’ll hold my shit together until I know she’s okay.
I pull off on a side street and park in front of a random bar, waiting a couple more minutes for Dema to calm down. As she does, she’s wiping the long, black sleeves of her shirt against her cheeks, taking away the mascara with it. It’s smeared in some parts, but that shit doesn’t matter to me. I still think she’s the most fuckin’ gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, and even with blotchy skin, tear stained cheeks, and smeared mascara . . . it doesn’t change a damn thing.
Dema’s the first one to exit the car and I follow her lead, letting her walk into the bar and grab a booth in the back. There’s no one around us and I’m thankful for that. I make sure to give her a few minutes alone, letting her sit in the booth while I order some vodka for us, sure to keep my eyes on her the entire time in case she decides to get flighty. The last thing I want her to do is run out of here when we have serious shit to discuss.
Making my way back over to the booth, I slide in across from her and slide her a drink. She looks down. “Is this a d-double?”
I nod and she downs the entire thing, while I slowly sip on mine. I figured she’d need the liquid courage, and now that she has it, I speak from my cold, dead heart. “If there was another way to get you out of that, I would’ve done it. I don’t—fuck. I don’t want you to think I raped you or some shit. I keep thinkin’ I did in the back of my mind, but you agreed to it, right? Fuck, Dema, god dammit. I’m obviously not thinkin’ clearly right now . . .” I trail off and down the vodka in front of me, needing my own liquid courage to say what I’m about to. “I’ve had the fuckin’ hots for you for a year or so now. I don’t want tonight to fuck up any real chance I had with you, if I even had one in the first place.”
She pulls her head back and blinks at me blankly. “There wasn’t another way, and I did agree to it, and I . . . I’m glad it was you I was with in that situation, and not someone else. I . . . I don’t know if I c-could’ve gone through w-with it if it was s-someone else.” Dema begins to hiccup at the end and tears start streaming down her cheeks.
God dammit. All I want to do is reach across the table and hold her close, but I’ve been closer to her tonight than I ever have and I don’t wanna push my luck. So, I’ll sit here, and I’ll sit here until she tells me otherwise.
Chapter Seven
Dema
I stare at Kronid as I allow his words to sink in. It’s obvious to me Kronid’s regretting what he did, viewing it as rape. But I agreed to it. I didn’t want to die, and if I had to lose my virginity, I’ve wanted it to be him since the first day I met him.
God knows I wish it had come about another way. Who’s to say I could’ve avoided the whole scenario by not going to the storage closet? I went there for the ink that nearly cost me my life. Ink I dropped to the floor when I saw the horrible situation unfolding before me.
No if this is anyone’s fault it’s mine. I could’ve prevented us being in this predicament if I’d simply waited to restock everything like I should’ve. I either wait for Kronid, or Meghan. I wasn’t supposed to go down there.
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, needing him to know.
“Why are you sorry?” Kronid asks, sitting up straighter in his seat. His eyes bear down at mine, furrowing his brows like he doesn’t understand why I said it in the first place.
“If . . . I well . . . if I’d stayed upstairs you wouldn’t think what we did was what it was. I . . . mean . . . dammit . . . how do I say this?”
“Take your time and speak what’s on your mind,” he says tenderly.
“Okay, so you said you feel like you raped me, though I gave you permission. And as I said, I couldn’t have gone through it if it were anyone other than you. Please don’t continue to think of it as anything other than what it is. I know you told me to close my eyes and envision the ocean, but I couldn’t. Not when it was you holding me in a way that helped conceal my body from that dreadful man. It’s you I’ve dreamt about doing exactly what you did, although in entirely different circumstances. I’d like to try and ignore the fact I had an audience, especially considering it was my virginity being taken. I’d like to remember it was you who did it. Would I have preferred it another way? Most definitely. Am I humiliated to have been watched? Hell yes, I am. I understand why you did it, and you saved me from being killed in the process. Now can we move on?” I blather out.
I swear the shot Kronid handed to me is getting to me. I downed it without haste and in doing so made it where I have no filter. It’s the only way I would ever be able to speak so much to Kronid. Let alone tell him what I wanted openly, without fear of being let down. I’m not a talker and the fact I’ve now told him I’ve dreamt of him taking my virginity makes me want to crawl into a hole and die. God, why did I have to choose this moment to be an over sharer?
“I’m thinking you’ve had one hell of a night and I should get you home,” Kronid says after a long pause. He’s been staring at me and his eyes burn with several emotions filtering through before he rights himself and switches back to his cold glare. The expression I know so well.
But that stare doesn’t strike fear within me anymore. Not after I’ve heard the tenderness in his voice. It doesn’t mean I’d do anything to cross Kronid. I can tell he’s the type of man to easily snap a neck in a heartbeat if he felt the need to.
I nod as he stands and offers me his hand. Hesitantly, I place my hand in his and stand to my own feet with a slight wobble. While I might be able to down a shot of liquor, it doesn’t mean I’m not a lightweight. I guess I never had the chance to build up my high tolerance as I’ve seen many people do. Then again, they’re the type who never had as many responsibilities as I have.
Kronid walks me to his car and opens the door for me to get in. Once my feet clear the door, he closes me into the confining space. I follow him with my eyes as he walks around the car and climbs in on his side.
An uncomfortable silence fills the air between us as he starts the car and puts it in gear. Neither of us speak another word as he drives to my home. I would question how he knows where I live but then again, he’s my boss. Plus, after what I saw tonight, I don’t doubt him knowing everything about all of his employees.