It was love at first sight for both of them, and they’d courted for several years before committing to marriage. A marriage which lasted two years before Elsie was struck down with a disease which baffled the doctors. She’d lost weight and soon her mind wandered. Fred said she became spiteful and it broke his heart, as she was the gentlest of women. They were never blessed with children, and Fred never found another woman who would be fitting to take Elsie’s place in his life. When he finished speaking Ruby understood how love could last if you had the right person in your life. The thought of love at first sight fascinated Ruby and she’d often deemed it impossible – until John had walked into her life and she’d got an inkling of what attraction towards the opposite sex felt like. It amused her that whenever she thought of walking out with a man, the image was now of Jean-Paul Clayton. His name was a mouthful when said in full, but sounded so romantic whenever she sounded it out in her mind. In such a short time he’d turned her thoughts from war to romance, and Ruby enjoyed the distraction.
‘Let’s clear this away. Pudding was tasty, by the way – clever idea, sweetening the rhubarb with the mashed carrot,’ Ruby said and picked up the dessert dishes.
‘And then it’s your turn to tell me about your family. Your grandmother was quite a character. I was fond of her as a friend. I miss her humour, but often hear it in you. Your mother had her ways, but gained a more sober side to her after she married. Like your father,’ Fred said.
Settled in their usual seats for the evening, Ruby sat and began sharing her memories.
‘Life was busy with the shop, and Dad’s love of the church. Mum joined in the women’s groups, and I can remember her making the costumes for a show in the community hall when my grandfather was alive. He was dressed as a rather large elf; Gran was a smaller version. It was quite a shock, as my grandfather was a stubborn old man, with little humour. Goodness knows how Gran got him to dress up. Dad didn’t go for the funny side of life, and Mum tolerated his moods. But, with this particular show, she stood her ground and he had to help with making the background for the stage. He was good at that sort of thing.’
Fred rubbed his chin in thought. ‘That was your mum’s dad?’ he asked, and Ruby nodded. ‘Wasn’t his father an artist as well as a greengrocer? I think I remember your gran saying he was away with the fairies at times. Might explain your dad’s stern outlook on life.’
‘Grandfather Shadwell was a miserable man. Never had a kind word to say to me or Mum, and would never let the two youngest near him. Dad said we must show respect, but it was hard to be pleasant to an unpleasant person.’
Fred gave a ‘hmph’ sound, banged his pipe against the fireplace brickwork, sucked against the stem and refilled the bowl with a scoop of tobacco, lit it and drew in and puffed out.
‘I think the last war – and this one will do the same – it changed men. Women held us together, but we had to defend them and the country. An enormous responsibility, especially for the young. The married men with families – well, it tore them apart inside. When they say no news is good news, that isn’t true for a soldier fighting in mud and blood.’
Ruby watched another spiral of smoke escape his lips. ‘I would have thought it would make them soft-hearted, not mean.’
‘Depends on what they saw. I know when I fought, thoughts of my own safety never existed. I fought for family back home, but had to become tougher to cope.’
Ruby gave a slight shake of her head. ‘I can’t imagine how that must have felt. The Blitz has given me a little insight, but to have to shoot someone face to face, and when you’ve not a violent bone in your body … frightening. I’ve become tougher, thanks to our enemies, and had to grow up faster than planned, but I’m not convinced I could kill. I’d be useless on the front line.’
‘I hope you meet someone who will be kind and let you soften again. When this war is over, grab life with both hands and never look back. Hold onto the memories but don’t let them drown your future. I’ve learned it isn’t being disloyal. It’s a compliment to those gone before us, that they gave us something to live for – to remind the world they once existed,’ Fred said, his voice gentle and with a smile creasing his eyes.
Ruby’s heart went out to him; he gave her guidance with lessons he’d learned the hard way.
‘Some existed only five months ago. Sometimes I pretend they’ve gone on holiday and will burst through the door spilling sand from their suitcases and sharing shells from the beach. In my mind they’re in Cornwall, just a few hundred miles away.’
‘Ah, that’ll come when you have children of your own. You wait. We’ll go to Cornwall together. Why Cornwall? Have you been before?’
Ruby rose to her feet and went to the sideboard across the room – a room transformed into a cosy retreat from the busy shop. Both she and Fred had cases with their valuable papers and treasures beside their beds but, other items she came across, Ruby kept in a drawer she’d named her ‘one day’ drawer. Inside were images of clothes she’d like to wear, of houses she’d like to live in and places she’d like to visit for a holiday. On one of her searches she’d found a magazine which featured sandy beaches in Cornwall, and it sat in the drawer. Scruffy, torn and singed around the edges, it represented Ruby’s partial image of her future. She’d yet to consider who she’d share the future with.
‘I found this. Look, doesn’t it look beautiful? One day, Fred. One day I’ll let you walk me down the aisle too, so I can have my children to take with us, but for the moment we’ll make do with this picture. I’ll cut it out and frame it for the wall, over there. It will fill the gap. What the … what’s the matter? Fred, are you ill?’ Ruby asked and rushed to Fred’s side. Without speaking, he continued to sob into his hands. A heart-wrenching sound escaped his lips and Ruby held him close. ‘Tell me. What’s wrong – are you in pain?’
Panic raged through her body. Her heart rate speeded up as she clung to him. His sobbing continued and his breathing came fast and furious. His body sunk into hers, limp and sapped of energy from the emotional outburst.
‘I’m sorry, Fred. We shouldn’t have talked about Elsie. It’s all too much for you,’ Ruby said and a teardrop rolled from the end of her nose onto his head. She released one hand and wiped it away. Fred’s arm reached up and he laid his hand over hers. Slowly they separated. Ruby was relieved he’d stopped crying.
‘It’s you, not Elsie. My tears are for you,’ he said and blew heavily into a large handkerchief.
Ruby rocked back onto her heels as she remained kneeling beside him. ‘Me? I made you cry? I’m so sorry, Fred. It’s the last thing I’d ever do. What did I say wrong?’ she whispered, scared of what his reply would be as she went over the conversation in her mind.
‘You want me to walk you down the aisle,’ Fred said.
‘Of course I do. You are my granddad now; it’s your duty,’ Ruby said, adding a flippant tone to her voice in the hope of pulling him from his miserable state.
‘I’m old, Ruby. You are only sixteen,’ he said and held up his hand. ‘I know, seventeen this year, but you are still young, and have a long way to go until marriage. We have to be realistic. Don’t hold onto me as part of your future. I am your here and now.’